One and a half week ago, on a day off, I drove with my motorbike high up into the mountains. Green, clean air and nicer temperatures this time of the year for me. The final part of my nearly two hours trip the road was nearly impassable. I ended up in a small, not known by the tourist-industry, village, parked my bike and walked around greeting and connecting with the villagers my way. And I got connection.
I decided to make use of the possibility to join this village life for a short while and was even offered to be more ‘part of the community’ and dressed to be a - temporary - member. First it looked fun but after it felt much more comfortable. A great experience to connect with the basics of living life. Real connection, no mobile devices, actually this people lived the basic needs of Maslow’s pyramid and felt happy. For me a peaceful energy without any worries, insecurity and stress. It’s hard to describe happiness but for me it was.
On my way back home, passing the centre of the crowdie and full of tourist busy city Chiang Mai, I felt a total different energy.
It took me a while after being back home again to think things that happened to me over. Actually I asked myself the question who is really more happy? What is real happiness all about?
I think we are brainwashed to see and feel as a base unhappy and bound to fail. We are told to invest to find and keep some happiness over and over again. On a daily base we are dealing, not even aware of the distortion this brings in unhappy feelings, with how we are programmed. Beliefs and roots put into us by our parents, ancestors, culture, tradition, religion, society and the ongoing screaming marketing industry. We do not even face it. Open your eyes!
Those believes are false. They are not reality or facts. They are only your reality and facts. Connected for you with fear, guilt, social expectations, ambition, worries and so forth. They block you from being happy in a sustainable way. The biggest disturbances to be happy are our ongoing desires, ‘needs’, and maybe even more our attachments to things and persons. We are always focussing on things we do not have yet and think this things will make us (more) happy. You are not even aware you are standing on top of your happiness. Because of this, and you are not looking down, you do not see.
We are trained to blame ourselves and never blame the way we are programmed. I think most people do not even realized because of this how unhappy they actually are. They discover when it’s too late and are not even able at that time to make a change.
What makes you unhappy is not the world around you or the situation you are in but your thoughts. The whole program arranged for you (not by you) in your head. This program forces you to always want and get more or to change the situation you are in to feel happy. If you do not succeed you feel miserable. But it’s an unrealistic thing to think you can change the world. This is not under your control. Maybe it’s much easier to change yourself and change your believes. Be open and curious to discover the same world in a different way a enlarge your truth.
An attachment isn’t a fact. It is an emotional state of clinging. Believing that without a specific thing or person(s) you cannot be happy. It is a believe, a fantasy in your head, acquired by your programming. If the desire is fulfilled it will bring you a flash of pleasure but also fear (in relation to persons jealousy) to lose it.
In the village community there was not so much to attach or to desire. It was all about family life, a roof above their heads, community support and connection. Very basic needs. I cannot answer my question if they are more happy than me or us. In many respects I think they are. The experience was great and it showed me a wider ‘truth’.
Attachments can and will not survive, Enjoy things and persons in life. Keep your freedom to grow and flourish and respect the same in your friendship or relationship. Refuse the believe that you will not or cannot be happy without them.
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight
Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.”