Marry? Divorce? Do it a little bit differently in order to continue to grow in happiness

Marry? Divorce? Do it differently. Or rather, do it differently than we did.

Last week it was 31 years ago that I got married. What a fantastic moment and what a huge beautiful wedding. For a couple of years we got a good time together. Unfortunately, that changed. Despite all kind of guidance and coaching we decided to quit and divorce about nine years later. No, not because there were others involved. The time that we made each other happier or could make each other happier simply was over.

That process went, in spite of the emotions it all caused and certainly also because we were taking care of two at that moment still young children, really quick. Within a week or six, with the help of a joint-friend lawyer, we were about to finish the marriage. Unfortunately, that seemed like that.

On the advice of a good friend of my ex-wife, a second lawyer was called in. Her good right to choose that of course and still… Several lawyers followed and all kind of legal procedures, investigations, calculations and meetings at the court started which took a total of around fourteen and a half years. My experience now is that lawyers can keep each other very busy and there is always something new to come up with.

In addition to a huge amount of unnecessary waste of money this also for years caused enormous frustrations for my ex-wife and me. Not even talking about the negative energy to the children. Frustrations, it’s just my idea, that ultimately degenerates into a feeling of hate. No more communication.

The good news ... two world citizens of children with whom I have a very open contact almost daily, regularly stay with me here in Thailand, and who are doing well.

Please note. Of course, you will not marry with the intention of getting divorced again. I thought it was really a personal downfall, a shame, that this happened to me. Until that moment I had a good example towards my brothers and sisters of how a good marriage is possible for the long-term.

Still, when you look back, we were not actually meant for each other. Two individually good people who are so different from each other that they definitely don't fit. It is great when I hear these kinds of statements from the mouths of our kids who saw, feel and discovered this completely. Not having any intention to harm both their mother or me. Now I think why we actually did not see and feel this together during our time of courtship. Maybe the pink glasses? An idea of ​​a brighter future together?

In my eyes you divorce after you have tried everything to both make a success of your marriage. To make, with the wisdom and experience of that moment, each other happier together. Despite that good intention, it appears that it is no longer possible to go for that higher level of happiness. And yes, if children are involved then the threshold of such a decision to separate may be even higher. After all you still both keep the responsibility to arrange a different but still good and neat way of your child(ren). A way in which the father can fulfill his father's role (not being a kind of Santa Claus) and, conversely, the mother still can fulfill the role of mother. Communication between both ex-partners about raising the children and their education would also be more than welcome in that situation. I know several ex couples who succeed in this in a wonderful way. A big compliment for them for the sake of their children. My ex-wife and I unfortunately did not succeed after all things that happened between us during the process to divorce.

By getting married, you want to go for being happier together than alone. And if that is ultimately no longer the case, then you have to stop. You are not married just to make each other ‘sustainable’ more unhappy for the rest of your life isn’t it?

I don’t think it is strange that on every "birthday" of our wedding day all sorts of things and thoughts come up in my mind. Not a surprise to put it this time on paper. Ultimately ... you learn by doing. And why not share in openness. After all, it is not at all the intention to harm anybody with my story. Maybe it can help other people to think before and only change a little bit in order to go on growing in happiness whatever circumstances appear.  

If the intention of your marriage is to be happier with each other more than staying single, then why all that struggle afterwards? A fight that never, really never, has a winner. Only losers. After all, is that money your victory or is it the freedom that you give each other back again and grant your joint victory? Why must that what once was called love so often degenerate into the opposite pole hate?

Going on with transferring lots of money to lawyers is that what you really want? Better make use of it yourself. Consciously or not extending the process. Not willing to let go and or even working on breaking each other down, is that going for continuation of growth in personal happiness? Misusing the children in the process who nevertheless came out of mutual love for the rest of their lives, for 50% from their mother and 50% from their father? Unfortunately, this are the daily ‘games’ happening in many places in the world. For the sake of happiness?

I have often quoted in my blogs texts from OSHO. In one of his stories he tells that when it comes to love everything has a beginning and an end and there is no wound in between. If something is over, think about thanking each other for the time you have had together. Even in a lost relationship, in the period it lasted, often there were much more good and beautiful moments than those that went wrong. Without each other, you would never have had the (life) experiences of today and you ultimately both grew no matter how you look at it.

Although it may sound silly before you get married, also arrange in advance how you would like to see things arranged together if it does not ultimately become what you expect together. Always based on the idea that you can be grateful that you are both willing to succeed in the relationship. And, out of love for each other at that moment, are willing to arrange that so that both of you, if necessary, offer each other freedom again to both become happier single again. It really saves a lot of trouble and it is a great test of both your love to discuss this in advance. If you are afraid to talk about this with your lover think about how your love really is. Of course, your intention is to make your marriage last forever. Freedom in bond and growth in mutual happiness have to be and stay main items. Nothing selfish about it.

Something in which in my experience, also in the undesirable situation that things would turn out wrong, keeping each other long-term hostages in proceedings to divorce does not fit.

And if you may be free again, then head for that happiness. Don't get stuck in all kinds of false speech, hatred and self-pity. Take steps forward and stop toxifying your past situations, your ex-partner, your children and your environment. After all, that is ultimately a poisoning of yourself.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

captijninsight@gmail.com

More is better? Wake up and create space to live joy!

There are continuous marketing campaigns for the sale of houses and apartments in Chiang Mai, Thailand. More than super-large billboards, showing mostly only the interiors of those houses, shouting for attention.

I think every fourth truck that drives here is pretty much a concrete truck. Chiang Mai is exploding. A huge amount of growth and development. It seems absolutely there is no economic crisis, although many apartments and houses are vacant.

  

On the way back from a funeral, I again saw large signs of yet another new project. With my background in construction and architecture I continue to find it strange that apparently a beautiful interior on the enormous photos has to sell the houses. You will not find the structure and layout of the houses. They all look like showroom. It seems like you are buying a house for the curtains, the bed or the couch.

This new project showed in bold written words: "More is better" and as you can see in the photo, even a bird did already shit over that 'slogan'. Perhaps that animal understands things better than many people do. After all, life is not about always more, let alone that you find lasting happiness in it. It are only companies and in particular marketers who help us to believe this. After all, money has to be earned.

Better is the exact opposite. Not more, but less. And less creates space to breathe, to enjoy quality and ... to be happy and grateful for what you already have.

Most of our houses are often already some sort of warehouses more than full of stuff. We continue to collect, sometimes we don't even know why we bought anything at all. And more could be added because that is better ???

Last week someone told me a great way to create space in your house again. It actually has to do with two things, he said. What he told me resonated in me:

1. Just walk through your house. Take room by room and step by step things that are standing, laying or hanging in that room in your hands and ask yourself (be honest with yourself) "Does this still bring me joy, more happiness in my life? Do I still get energy from this? If the answer is 'No', just get rid of it.
2. After that first action, creating space, you organize the things that remain. This is another way to have more room, get an overview and easier to find those things that make you happy when you need them.

More is better? Do not make me laugh. What is life all about? About the endless process of wanting more and more? Clinging on and guarding and protecting more because it makes you all so much more happy or robs you of space and freedom?

The desire to have more and hold more breeds anxiety. That anxiety makes us act out of fear of loss. When we cling to things, we become slaves of our (always only temporary) possessions. 

In my opinion, the greatest goal in life is LIVING. And for joy, freedom, letting go and space to breathe are the most important factors in that. That is something else than continuing to collect more because it would be better.

Wake up and create space to live joy. 

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

email: captijninsight@gmail.com 
Foto blog: http://franscaptijnhisworld.blogspot.com

Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Frans Captijn seven years in Thailand

Time flies. 
Exactly today I am living in Thailand for seven years. In the mean time I have not been back to my 'home' country. Being in Thailand actually feels much more home. 

My oldest sister asked me if I wanted to go back to The Netherlands and my answer was, if not necessary to go back, I want to stay here. 

This period of seven years a lot of things happend to me and around me. Actually like in every person's life. And is this life better? Many experiences for years already I shared in my weekly blog. 

I always say living here is a different experience, you cannot compare. For me it still feels as having got the gift to live two different lives in one lifetime. It made my world much bigger and smaller. 
Bigger in a way of thinking and awareness. Seeing things that made me sometimes upset in a total different way and order. How small The Netherlands and all that's going on there is in the big, big, world. 
Smaller in being less and less affected by negative energy produced by what all is happening in the world and on (social) media. I do not follow any media anymore. Does it really matter? I am still and happy alive. 
I am very thankful for all that. 

Plans and ideas for the future? The main thing is to try and hope to stay healthy. 
And yes, several ideas. Even of leaving Chiang Mai and start to live at a different location in Thailand. I am open and willing to start to build a small project by myself. Not as a goal to reach but as a path to follow. And there is more. Just a way of going with the flow and enjoying every day I get. 

How all these new ideas will work out? Time will tell. Just follow my blog ;).

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

email: captijninsight@gmail.com 
Foto blog: http://franscaptijnhisworld.blogspot.com

Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Lift the quality of your life. Start after waking up with doing nothing.

Two weeks ago again two good friends, nearly same age as me, passed away. Also I got some emails to respond to from former guests of my programs. All of these gave me inspiration to write this week’s blog about how to easily start a higher quality life and lifestyle and to become the manager and in charge of your life (again).  

It is too easy to think, or not even to think about, the sun will rise again for you tomorrow. Ever thought about the idea that every day about 155.000 people pass away? That’s nearly two every second. Maybe for you nothing is sure but it is sure once you and I will be part of that ‘day-group’.

Our life is short. If you live a happy live, at the end you think is was very short. If you live, or made yourself, a miserable live, it feels longer. Still actually not really a very long time. So you can ask yourself how do I spend my lifetime? What’s the meaning and quality of my life? Do I live life or am I listening to everybody around me how I need to behave or live my life? Am I myself or afraid to be myself and playing only a (happy?) life show. Why do I follow all the ‘system’ rules that actually do not make me happy like going on doing things I do not like doing anymore to get for instance my full pension at the end and possibly ruined my health to fully enjoy? Why do all kind of things bother me so much to respond or maybe even become angry and do they actually really matter? Why do you waste the short time of your life with so many silly things?

There is an easy way to heighten the quality of your life and it does not even take you every morning a couple of minutes time. This is how it works:  

After you wake up, still being in your bed, just take some time to do nothing. Don’t immediately satisfy your digital addiction. Just be silent and feel. Feel that you are alive and start to become happy with that. Whoow!

Life is not granted and you can be happy and thankful you got another day to live.

Think about the people you really care about. Your partner (if you have), maybe children and or parents, some real friends. Do they also got another new day? Maybe another whoow moment.

This is called living with mortality in mind. Once, a long time ago already, I wrote a blog about the black crow on your shoulder as free adviser in your life. Living with mortality in your mind helps you to heighten the quality of your life. You make different decisions, do not bother about things that actually do not matter if you think about the idea maybe the sun does not rise for you tomorrow.

You are much more happy and grateful with the things you have (isn’t your house already actually a warehouse?). You start caring (again) about the things that really matter to you in your life. You are more and more yourself (again) not bothering about what other people maybe thinking about YOUR life.

All of this by starting every day with just a few minutes doing nothing being aware of the wonder you are still alive and can make the day by being yourself making choices that really matter to you.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

email: captijninsight@gmail.com 
Foto blog: http://franscaptijnhisworld.blogspot.com

Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Don't be so idle. Do normal and just be yourself. What do you actually propose?

It was a bit of a laughable show at the King's day party in Bangkok last April 27th. Together with my son and my girlfriend we visited the by the Dutch Embassy organized King's Day party. For my girlfriend the first introduction to some Dutch culture I thought and of course the introduction for her of the Dutch ‘Kroket” and ‘Frikandel’.

At the start of the party is was about people watching first. A strange experience to hear nearly all people speaking English.

At a certain moment a man entered the garden where the party took place. His partner followed him at some distance like a dog on high heels. He took quite a bit of space and entered the place in a somewhat majestic and self-important manner. A way of looking around as; Does everyone see that I am here?

And yes, his performing worked because you saw several people talking about his behavior and his wife or girlfriend following him. He suggested to be someone important, or at least he thought he was. I had never seen him before. With my experiences of today wholeheartedly I had to laugh about it. It was a kind of theater show. Dutch culture? Not real but still...

Although my son Rik tried to do his best, he did not succeed introducing more than half a kroket to my girlfriend 😉.

Back home I accidentally ended up on a website where the growth of the world population was shown live. Seeing that I thought, The Netherlands? What and where is that in this big world? That man? Who is he?

Actually I felt a bit anxious to see how our globe becomes more and more full of consumers. Probably good for the economy and certainly it also has other sides where we are increasingly experiencing the consequences more and more and day by day. But that is something else.

When I saw numbers of more than 7.5 billion people and thought back to this man, I actually thought he was a bit miserable. Why do you act like this? What are you worried about? How distended do you put yourself in the spotlight? What are you actually proposing? Really important? What a pathetic presentation to get the energy of attention so you can survive in this self-taught role.

My parents would say; "Doing normal, is already crazy enough".

For sure, every person in his or her own way is unique in this world. However, the invitation in life is just to be yourself, nothing more and nothing less. And with that uniqueness, in my eyes,  you don't have to show you are more or better than others (because you are not) or start a marketing campaign to promote  yourself…

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

email: captijninsight@gmail.com 
Foto blog: http://franscaptijnhisworld.blogspot.com

Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

You can achieve everything if you believe in yourself and don't give up? Forget it!

At the beginning of April, I traveled with my girlfriend to India and Kashmir. A country with no less than 1.3 billion (from 7.7 billion at the moment worldwide) inhabitants. Second in the world ranking of largest countries by population after China.

In particular of course the cities of Bombay, Delhi, Agra (with the Taj Mahal) and certainly also Kashmir came across to me as an infinitely moving mass of ants, people, continuous honking cars and in between cows, horses, goats and thousands of street dogs enjoying themselves the waste that you really couldn't ignore.

People who almost attacked you to sell you something. Beggars everywhere from (very) small to large. A future for these people?

The experiences we had were countless in this multicultural country. And because you not only look at it but are also literally moving in the energy, it makes you think and reflect. Many things came to our minds.

One of those things in my mind was that in many training sessions that I followed, I was often told that you can achieve everything if you believe in it, go for it and never give up. You can live your dream. I also often wrote about it in my blogs. After this experience in India it has become a utopia for me. It is not true for all of us.

Yes, I live my dream and have achieved what I (and especially my parents) had in mind. I have more on my shelf and I trust that it will work out. But is that normal? Will you succeed as long as you don't give up? No absolutely not. It really needs a little (no a lot) more and that has everything to do with your base.

I have had no influence on the place where I was born. Not on the parents I had. Not the opportunities that were waiting for me in the culture I grew up with. Not on it that I actually never had lack of necessary money. Not about luck factors.

Being able to live your dream is not only about your own dedication, but also about the basis on which and with which you ended up here on this planet and lots of luck.

India is "underprivileged" for the vast majority of people born and living there. Sometimes I have to be deeply ashamed of my beautiful stories. We regularly fell silent there. And at the end of our journey we told each other how grateful and happy we can be for the places where we were born and the opportunities we have had and will have and that we could make this journey together.

Nice to have been able to feel that deep inside. What do we propose as not even being a ‘pinhead’ of the population on this earth? Why we make ourselves upset about to many things and do we worry? We may not be happy, no, we have to.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

email: captijninsight@gmail.com 
Foto blog: http://franscaptijnhisworld.blogspot.com

Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

What is being a good father?

In one word it is great to have my son with me here again at the moment. Quality time.

Perhaps it is strange to say, but because of our divorce which started in 1997, not only our children, but I too have become used to seeing each other not too often face-to-face. Although I have an aversion to social media, I embrace perhaps already old-fashioned, Skype. It gives me the opportunity to contact them almost every day. Son Rik in South Limburg, The Netherlands, and daughter Carlien in Perth, Australia. And when we meet in person we really have and take the time for each other. We share all our news, thoughts and feelings with each other and have a wonderful bond.

Children fly out. You raise them. During that process offering them and influence them in what you think in the right way as parents something for their future. You never studied for that. After all that you have to wait.

For me it is 100% certain that my/our children were born out of love and that we, my ex-wife and I, had and still have the best intentions for their future. And who does not have that as parents. I think far the majority of parents does have the same. And whether you are doing the right things as parents and set the good examples? What's right and what is good? Opinions on this may differ. Future will tell.

At the end of March I was reminded again on this being a parent topic. During a meeting the question occurred to me:

What is actually being a good father?

Years ago I read Henri Nouwen (an in 1996 passed away Dutch priest and writer) his book: "Eindelijk Thuis" (Finally home). A beautiful story, actually an explanation, of the painting "The Return of the Prodigal Son" by the Dutch famous painter Rembrandt van Rijn. And in that painting there are a lot of basic aspects that at least should be present for me in answering this question. I leave it to my kids if I meet that minimum profile. In any case, I know that I looked at it differently in the past and learned and changed my opinion during the years so far just by doing.

After all, how do you raise children? Often it consists of giving the new generation what you liked in your own upbringing and giving a different interpretation and approach to what you didn't like in it. Incidentally, in practice, it often turns out that what you wanted to protect them actually at some point is emerging in their behavior, but let’s keep that as food for educators.

For me the painting indicates approachability. Always keep the door open even if your children do things that you, out of your background, culture and / or character, do not stand for. And to maintain that open attitude, creating safety and being non-judgmental (and perhaps even forgiving) are necessary. Opinions may differ. Why not? They make the world more colorful and they definitely don't have to cause removal. And that requires an open mind and heart (true love?).

Do not allow yourself to be influenced by what others, even someone else of your family or your own children, think and say about it. I mentioned it before, it's all about the right intention.

What I learned within that right intention during the upbringing is that I had to be more open in my own idea, no had to make an adjustment, in what I thought was good for my children's future. I was pushing too hard in a direction that I thought was good for them. What is needed is an encouragement in what they want to go for in relation to their future (and happiness). And that not too late made adjustment makes both them and me happy now. It is not about position, status or money or what mom and dad like or want, but it is about happiness and the stimulation and release of their personal uniqueness, their talents.

Being available. Having and taking time to listen without immediately having your own vision ready. If they need your opinion, they can and will ask for it. The great thing about this is that you know what is going on with and in your children and that they are not afraid to share things with you. If that could not be with you (or with their mother) how poor is the bond that you have with your children? Here too safety is the key for me.

Freedom in connection and trusting each other. Perhaps this is the greatest good in relation to good paternity. And although forced by the access arrangements with my children by the court, now I can say it contributed to this. I learned how to deal with not meeting each other face-to-face on a daily basis. Actually I think maybe our bond is even better because of this.

And no, my children absolutely do not have to kneel before me. Rembrandt's painting shows me gratitude rather than humility and status difference.

Certainly here in Thailand I see how specifically that aspect contributes to the family bond.

Buddhist philosophy teaches that there are two basic factors to sustainable raise personal happiness. One is to stop judging. The other to keep the child in the soul alive. Encourage that puppy in your children and set a good example instead of condemning everything around you to adopt an attitude of curiosity. Something that does not mean that you have to accept everything.
It is worth considering to stop unlearning children too much in their upbringing to actually fit them into the system. It could be much more valuable to encourage them to live their authenticity, the fullness and richness of their uniqueness.

I have cited it several times in my blogs. Your children are not your children. They come true you but do not belong to you. They have their own lives and you can be happy that you can be the stimulus in that. How that works out ... you'll see it later.

In any case, I enjoy observing that process.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

captijninsight@gmail.com

Doing business with God and why the Buddha has his eyes open.

God would still get a headache I thought a while ago meditating. All those people who knock on his door with their problems, wishes and desires and beg for help and strength because they often no longer see a way out in the problems and the suffering they are facing. All those questions from all over the world and indeed sometimes a thank you. I do not know if there is balance in that. That's why I think of headaches.

The story of a monk during a teaching at the Buddhist University reappeared in my head. Why wouldn’t I share it?

In need you learn to pray is sometimes said. During that lesson it came to the difference in prayer to God and Buddha. The monk shared a nice story with the group that appealed to me very much.

You must know that Buddhism, unlike often said, is not a religion. As a basis there is no God in it. The Buddha is a very distinguished teacher, a former prince, and his father and mother are King and Queen. He was not the first monk at all. He was born 543 years before Christ. There where Christ is also a very important teacher but is seen as the son of God.

It appeared, the group consisted mainly of people who had ever been baptized. The subject, especially because I am also quite active in the church here in Thailand, seemed interesting to me. After all, good to know and respect different perspectives. It makes the world more colorful as far as I am concerned.

He started to ask us if we knew why a Buddha in the temple always has his eyes open. Well then at that moment nobody knew the correct answer.

He continued: "If you go to church and talk to your God there, then you are usually dealing with that God. In the trend of "Help me with this", "Please give me that" and so on. And often there is also a sentence "If you help me with this or that then I will do … in return." It looks like doing a kind of business with your God."

Here in Thailand it is quite normal for students to visit a temple before they do an exam. It seems just like going to church as to pray and in a way this is true. The approach and the way is different, he said.

"If the student would ask the Buddha: Buddha help me to pass my exam by giving the right answers, then the Buddha looks straight at him or her. And that is why he has his eyes open. It shows that he is at peace and in balance, but is well aware of what’s happening in the world around him and therefore also that student on its knees before him.

He stares the boy or the girl in his or her eyes and tries to say penetratingly: What are you doing here? Go home and study! I cannot help you with this. It is in your own hands. "

Indeed, the way of praying in Buddhism seems different to me, a way of worship that appeals to me. It is more of a conversation with the wise teacher to gain insight in peace, to find balance, to get rest and inner wisdom to be able to tackle and resolve the issues as much as possible by yourself. Other than sometimes sharing a lament or nagging for help. Something that by the way absolutely does not have to be the way of praying to a God because, for example, it is often also about getting the power to solve your own difficulties.

Ah, why would God also get a headache? Maybe as God you may not get that at all. Praying as a conversation to gain insight and wisdom from which you yourself can continue. A nice lesson. I think it is easier for the Buddha with less chance of that headache.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

captijninsight@gmail.com

Money, servant or master (slave)

Last week I had a chat about the necessity of money. All in relation to the season of Lent before coming Easter.

Although some people showed the world already you can live without I think for most of us it is not a realistic option. On the other hand this same amount of people is not even aware how money has become their master or better to say their slave in life. Wanting more and more and more. A process that never stops because there is never an end or enough.

Living in the country I live, Thailand, especially at the country side you really can find and connect with financial poor people. In another way, living life more aware and in connection because of their different lifestyle, I believe they are much richer. They know and live all the food we eat comes from the earth and for me often it is a miracle how these people can make the most delicious (and healthy) dishes without buying anything. They just share, sow and harvest. Live a community live in face-to-face interaction with each other and are available for each other and know how to be there to take care.  

The internet helps them to believe this richness is not true and right because they need to buy to be happier.

Once I heard a saying: “The economy is there to serve the people and not the other way around.” For me there is a lot of wisdom in this sentence. I invite you to contemplate a moment on this saying and to see what insights it brings to you.

Money in the present world is less and less seen as a servant but more and more as a master. Used in this way money distracts us from what’s really important in life. The most valuable (and for many people also most important) things in life don’t cost any money. For example, air, happiness and/or love.

Money as a master can become our slave in the systems of for instance status, ranking, power, corruption and temporary self-satisfaction. To keep the outside show running many people are trapped in high debts not understanding they do not make their lives more valuable but long term even worse.

In the last seven years, not in my job anymore, learning a different way of (less attached and with less desires) lifestyle I took steps back to money as a servant again.

For me it feels as a relief and freedom to connect more with the most valuable things in my life that really matter for me. More the software than the hardware so to say. Less can be so much more… An enrichment.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

captijninsight@gmail.com

Two times a year a six weeks alcohol fast

I have finished it again.

Already about seven years I do two times a year a six weeks alcohol fast.

Many people, even the ‘bartender’ of our Mae Rim weekly local Friday market, already know and respect my periodically break. Several times I get questions about it that’s why I use the opportunity to share my thoughts about it in public in this week’s blog.  

Once, still living at that time in The Netherlands, I was reading in a health magazine an article about the liver. As a funny remark somewhere in the article the author mentioned: “Sometimes it is good to give your liver a holiday.” This sentence resonated with me and I started to practice. Not only as a reason for health, not even to lose weight, but also to regularly check my will power over the attention seekers of my body.

My father used to drink two glasses of red wine on a daily base before going to sleep. He had a whole philosophy to support his, in our family not always appreciated, consumption mostly related to his blood. Truth, he reached the respectable age of ninety-three in good health.

Since youth I consume alcohol, mostly beer. Working in the hospitality branch and even having my own private pub was an invitation to start to drink a bit more but not too much. Starting to work in the south part of The Netherlands and getting more and more involved in all kind of social groups again was an invitation. Having at a certain moment a private driver and all kind of work related events again was offering a lower threshold to consume alcohol. No, never drunk but still.

Now, living here, not all this social groups but a much different (warmer) climate that invites me on a daily base to drink two beers in the evening. I just like it. No other reason. On the other hand I want to keep an eye on it (my will power) not to make any steps to a kind of addiction. And yes, that sentence of that magazine, holiday for the liver.

So no technical reason or real health reason or, some people even think, religious meaning. Nothing to do with Lent or Advent. Just two times a year six weeks totally off.

The first day my body reminds me time for a beer. But if I change by a soda water (yes a big shift) the next day already it is OK.

Sometimes I ask myself after the, thankful still easy six weeks break, why should I start again? Save the money. No I just like it. And I think, like my father showed, actually in this amount it is healthy. So, I go for it and hope to survive his age.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

captijninsight@gmail.com

Insight in Synchronicity. Wonders, inside and outside of ourselves, that brought change to my personal life.

In October 2010 I had a severe traffic accident driving through an eight-kilometer long tunnel in the province I worked for in The Netherlands. A black-out. I wrote about this several times before in my week blogs already.

In retrospect, it was the last attempt of my body to wake me up: a final wake-up call to stop with the things I was doing and open up to what was waiting for me. Not an easy process I can tell you. A process that took a long, 13-months, time. Actually it’s still going on.

Without even having noticed it myself and step by step, I was completely out of my (holistic) balance. Yes, I was a manager at that time. It turned out managing my own life was something different and I needed to learn a lot about that. Up to that point I never gave that process the right attention.

So what kind of manager was I when I was not even able to manage my own life? Now I know I am not the only one…

I was out of balance. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and also causally, I was living in an imbalance of energy givers and energy drainers: Giving too much and receiving too little.

Conclusion? A burn-out and not a small one.

Too late or maybe just in time. In my life so far I discovered that the universe has a fantastic synchronicity. A main insight. This synchronicity makes sure that everything moves and interacts with everything else. Miracles happen around us in a continuing stream. You only have to stand still for a moment and take the time to look or even better to look deeper. And this synchronicity clearly has to do with me, with us. Many wanted, and sometimes also unwanted, gifts are waiting for us...

The question is, how does that relate to us? Do we see those wonders, inside and outside of ourselves, and how do we deal with them? If we are too busy or our mind is too hectic, the magic of the moment can completely escape to us.

Synchronicity also works in this way; If one door, wanted or unwanted, closes for you, another door automatically will open itself. A new, until then unknown, space, full of previously unknown chances and opportunities unfolds for you.

Now, looking back, I can say that that this accident was not unfortunate at all. It was painful at that time and during the period of recovering (or maybe better to say letting go). But synchronicity brought me here, in Asia, to my mission. I now have a much higher feeling of happiness/bliss, and find myself in an environment that suits me even more.

As I look back on my life until now, everything that happened was necessary to create the person that I am now and to bring or keep me on the life path I much more consciously can walk.

And what the world is thinking of me or what people can read on the internet? That is up to the world. I am the only one who knows the real stories. I can now laugh about everyone else's interpretations. For me there is nothing to feel or be ashamed of.

If the sun did not rise for me tomorrow… I did it!

I am Living (with a capital “L”) a much more engaged, happy, connected, life and lifestyle.

I am studying, developing, giving things a try, constructing and growing by sharing.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

captijninsight@gmail.com