My neighbor
has two beautiful Persian cats. The balcony of her house is adjacent to the
garden of the hotel pool, just like my house. Her cats - sitting on that
balcony - often enjoy the view, the tropical birds and / or the sun.
Recently
there was an American family with small children who went to the pool. One of
the small children saw the beautiful white fluffy long-haired cat and said
right away: "That cat is too fat!"
Her story
brought me to this week blog.
Tourists in
the city I talk with, hotel guests and, honestly I sometimes catch myself as
well, often respond out of this negative basic attitude. "She is too
late", "he is too thick", "she is weird and sweats a lot",
"such a swimsuit is old-fashioned", "what he/she is wearing is
disgusting", and so on. We continuously add labels. Usually those labels
are negative and adding them, without in fact being aware, we try to put
ourselves on a ‘higher’ or ‘better’ plan or standard.
“That cat is
too fat" is a personal condemnation from what you have taught yourself how
things should be or should be done. From that belief you immediately reject
what you see and indicate that you know better how it should be. Actually you
only know different.
Why is it
that we usually respond primarily out of that negative basic attitude and why
do we do that?
Compare, just
for fun, the serene and simple splendor of a rose in bloom, with the tension and
restlessness of your life. The rose has a gift that you lack: It is perfectly
content to be itself. Is has not been programmed from birth, as we have been,
to be dissatisfied with itself. So it has not the slightest urge to be anything
other than it is.
That is why it
possesses the artless grace and absence of inner conflict that among humans is
only found in (very) little children and mystics.
If that
flower does not attract your attention in color and smell, then there is
nothing wrong with that flower. No disturbance, let alone urge to meet your
wishes.
That is why
it, so to speak, absolutely does not worry about simply being him- or herself.
No conflict within itself. Something that actually marks only babies, young
toddlers and mystics. Not being content with yourself is literally being brought
up and ... a lot of money is earned on it.
The
Buddhist doctrine indicates that our reactions by our brain arises from 51 different
learned or programmed basis factors (mental afflictions) or values. Only 11 of them contribute in a constructive way, a healthy response.
14 Are neutral and no less than 26
contributes to an unhealthy, poisonous and destructive response. And as far as
the latter is concerned, it is not only pathogenic (sickening), degrading or
negative influencing your environment. It also works negatively towards
yourself.
It turns
out that we have learned in our lives, as a kind of security or survival
mechanism, a way to be able to continue to belong to a group, family or
culture, to respond primarily from those 26 negative base
values. After all, you indicate what you belong to and that you reject
everything else.
Instead of
responding directly from that negative response, for example, mindful
communication teaches to turn that energy that you would use for your reaction
into a form of nosy curiosity. "How can it be that someone else has a
different opinion than me?", "How can someone else behave differently
from me?", “Why do I think this cat is thick and doesn’t it belong to that
specie, Etc ..
With that you
do not let go of your specific opinion and that which is true for you, or you
do not have to follow that other person. You open yourself to discover a
greater truth, to learn. And with that you create a better connection with your
environment out of interest and you get to know yourself much better.
Just like
that rose you can and may remain yourself and you do not have to be disturbed
by the outside world. There is nothing to be dissatisfied with.
Isn’t it
blissful that there are fat cats, thin cats, gray cats and white cats,
long-haired cats and short-haired cats? It makes the world colorful and choice
is possible.
It does not
matter to that cat, just like the rose. He laughs at it.
Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)
Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.
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