When people greet each other, in the western world
they shake hands. "Hey! Nice to see you again. How are you doing?" The
standard answer usually is; "Good!". Maybe that's a good thing. If
you after all should express that it's not going so well… then there is a
sudden disruption in the standard protocol and/or response. Some time is needed
to find the right words or way to deal with it. And what’s wrong when things in
people’s lives are not always going perfect all the time. Who actually is
living this kind of life? Nobody so isn’t it not more than normal people
respond, honest, to tell you things are not going well?
In my previous job as regional fire-chief and CEO of Public
Physical Safety, I regularly attended meetings in the region, the country or
internationally. And certainly in the work environment it is expected to show
your so-called networking skills. Actually everyone does do this his or her way
in this kind of meetings. It was even part of my job description. Does not everybody
has a 'target' to achieve? And often you come to these meetings to find and
meet the people that can help you in achieving that goals. So you're just
primarily focused for those people. And this has its work-out in the real attention
that people with that "Hello!" and shaking hands have for you. You
feel sometimes no connection at all, and often people do not even make eye
connection. They are looking around trying to find the people that are really
valuable for them. It's more shaking hands out of "politeness",
although actually very impolite. Or a so-called sincere greeting with an acted laugh
because we do not want the outside world to know/see that we actually do not
really like the other person is visiting this meeting as well.
With shaking hands you get a real physical connection.
It allows both persons to look each other in the eyes (giving the chance to touch
the mirrors of the soul for a short while) to feel the energy from each other. Most
of the time we are not even aware of this wonderful gesture and opportunity. Literally
to touch, to make contact, with another unique personality (and everyone is a
personality).
In the culture where I live this touching of each
other (not even only shaking hands) is not there. It is not at all common. Therefore,
the relationship must be longer and stronger and essentially there should be a
foundation of built up trust. Family in this country is number one. All the
rest comes later. A kind of first see which way the wind blows. You can also
see it as showing respect for each other. And in greeting gesture here, the
‘Wai’, people show an enormous respect and even an invitation to the other
person.
Just because there can be so much more value and
connection in greeting each other (than lots of times disinterested shake
hands) this blog to make you more aware about this.
The "Wai", is the Thai way of greeting and showing
respect. The "Wai" is formed by your hands to make the shape of the
bud of a lotus flower at the height of your chest / heart and to bow your head slightly
a little bit forward. The "Wai" is a unique, graceful act that is
used as a greeting throughout Thailand and which forms an important role in
Thai etiquette and expressing respect. In Buddhism the lotus flower is associated
with the Buddha.
In the Thai / Buddhist culture people do assume that a
Buddha is in every person. That's nothing sacred (Buddhism is not a religion).
That Buddhahood they see as a seed that is present in every human being to do
good and to share what is in him or her. To show and share his or her natural strength
and unique set of talents to fulfil his / her mission. Acting like this is
supporting your personal growth and wisdom but building up growth and wisdom of
society as well in the best and most natural way.
When greeting - or answering a greeting - with the Wai
you actually say:
"A lotus
for you, the Buddha to be."
You show respect to the other person and offer him or
her a lotus (the gesture with your hands). In addition, you invite the other
person to show the uniqueness of him- or herself. All you have to do is to be,
more do not have to share. Be yourself and sustain. The world around is only
waiting for that.
In Dutch a kind of the saying: “Just do normal, that’s
crazy enough.” Just show who you really are and do not play games. How
different I experienced in the world I lived and work in for many years with
all status and position play. And yes, I participated as well and sometimes did
the same.
Doing the Wai you show respect to the status of the
other. Younger people first greet the elderly.
Someone with a very high status (a monk, the king) you
greet not out of the heart but at the height of your forehead (touching with
your hands (thumbs) the sixth chakra / third eye).
Children greet their parents with their hands in front
of their nose (the organ connected with breathing / life). They thereby show
respect to their parents because their parents gave them the air to breath.
Schoolchildren and students greet their teachers with
the Wai in front of their mouths. This respect (in my opinion in the West and
certainly in secondary schools almost impossible still to find) is significant;
"We have learned in every situation to keep our mouth shut first. The
teacher is here to teach us something. You should first listen to understand”. Something,
moreover, that does not mean that you as a student always have to keep your
mouth shut. That you have to take everything as told or explained. It invites
you first to be patient. To listen first. So if you discover afterwards you can
submit something with respect you ask for further explanation or add something
so everybody can learn and/or grow even more.
Connecting, showing respect and inviting other people
to just be yourself. Be nice, share your uniqueness. That’s the only quest. For me a warm(er) experience.
Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight
Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.”
