Communication is having sex (experiences out of the Tantra introduction workshop)

Every Monday evening I guide an introduction to Tantra workshop here at The Pavana Chiang Mai Resort. Most guests do only have a little bit of understanding what Tantra is about. What they primarily have in mind is that it has everything to do with sexuality. And because of this (very narrow) view they seem to be a bit shy first to learn more about Tantra. 
Joining the workshop together with some other guests at first sight feels a bit more comfortable. Most of the times after already only one minute of joining the class they feel totally at ease, engaged with the theme, curious to understand and willing to practice as well.

Tantra has everything to do with a mind, body and soul approach. And there where the regular Buddhist meditation practice is focused on training the mind, the meditation in relation to pink Tantra is not at all focused on the (trouble making) mind but on the heart. Skip the idea of Tantra is learning techniques. Tibetan Buddhist Tantra has to do with opening and following your heart. No technique at all. No performing. No pleasing. And believe it or not, no sex deed is needed to create bliss and a much richer experience of intimacy.

Pink Tantra? Yes. A combination of White (more the spiritual individual way to create an ongoing feeling of bliss) and the Red (more the sensual and sexual way of exploring with a partner independently of gender).

This first shyness to join the introduction class/workshop already tells a lot. Shyness has to do with peoples programming. With experiences of the past and all kind of institutions and believe systems that tried to indulge us that it’s wrong and sometimes even dangerous to give attention to the full potential of your body, mind and soul. Still Tantra for many people and cultures is banished. The word ‘sex’ still nowadays invites to be curious, find a dark private place to connect with, or pushes away (actually from yourself) and even sometimes creates a feeling of guilt.

How is it possible a word can do this? Ever took the time to look deeper into what the meaning of sex actually is? There is so much more to discover. Communication for instance is sex.

Sex is energy, even better to say life-force energy. Sexual energy and life-force energy are exactly the same. And Tantra is the sacred approach to free and expand inner life-force energy (Kundalini) to get bliss by emptying your mind, leave the focus on the genitals and to connect, listening and respond to (true) love. To connect with and experience the interweaving of life-force energy.

Interweaving and flow of energy only is possible if there is a difference in polarity. In Tantra, we usually speak about the feminine and masculine poles. Talking about communication in a Tantric way listening is passive, feminine, and speaking is male (independent of gender). Speaking is a penetration of you and you are receptive to it. Between a speaker and a listener a sex act is happening because the speaker is trying to penetrate you and the listener is receiving and the other way around. And if you are listening in a way that you only use the time-frame the other person is speaking to make up your mind for your own story... then there is no real communication so no sex. 

Communication happens only when one party has become male and the other party has become female, otherwise there can be no communication. Wherever negative and positive meet, sex happens. Wherever polarities meet, opposites meet, it is sex.

Getting this understanding sex gets a much wider meaning. Not (only) the act but much stronger the embracing of the appearance and sustaining of intimacy.  

And in this way Tantra is about all of life - the way you eat, the way you treat your body, the way you meditate, the way you relate to friends and family, the way you connect with your intimate partner as well as how other beings experience your life-force energy.

With this in mind you can tell me now that if communication is already having sex, life is sex. So all the people with the first very narrow understanding of Tantra actually were right. And so they were. The only thing is that after the workshop they got a much wider view and understanding, in comfort, to connect with their full potential. They learn the first natural steps, so no techniques, to empty their (programmed) trouble making mind, to absorb life force energy and to reach high levels of bliss.

Frans Captijn

Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com

Getting older and the new dimension of intimacy. The meaningful deeper journey of discovery to bliss in your current or new relationship.

From my previous work I still remember that there were people who would follow the PIS-course at the end of their career. Pension In Sight. One of the components of that course was to get to know your partner again. To review the development and situation of your relationship - the mutual bond, intimacy and communication in it - together. Do you want to invest in your relationship in this new situation? If so how?

You do not have to be old or retired at all to know together, if you are honest with yourself and your partner to agree that the intimacy and sensuality in your relationship actually often has diminished. Maybe even is very poor nowadays. That there is still little to share with and learn from each other.

That which perhaps once started so energetically is now on a fairly low or at least a bit lower level. The challenge is less, you know each other (you think) and what's there still more or new to discover? The social media on your mobile, for example, your leisure time club life or television, are much more attractive and in the meantime you remain so busy with everything that’s going on in your life.

Little time, and a lower need, to invest a lot in each other, in your mutual relationship.

That is not only more than a pity. It is also a missed opportunity for better health and a happier and more energetic (blissful) life. After all, both of you run out of time as well… Do you permit that happiness and that energy (which is free available) to run away like loose sand between your fingers?

If you are not (both) willing to invest in it you do not grant yourself, your partner and the world around the best possible ‘harvest’ of living your life. At least that is something I discovered here from experiences working with guests and by further deepening and studying.

That which once started out of a passionate desire - often surrounded with lots of exciting sex and lust - now has become so common that the need for it, at least with your own partner, has faded away. The adventure is pretty much finished. It’s maybe still now and then the 'performance' to get away with it and after that (usually for the men) quickly fall asleep. Whether it will actually be satisfaction of yourself and of each other, we do not even wonder. Let alone that we wonder about the quality of it. We know by ourselves the answer for a long time already, but keep that answer mainly for ourselves, only thinking that the partner does not recognize this. A kind of taking a selfie with that beautiful smile. A kind of smile that, immediately after the picture is taken, ends up in the fridge.

What I have learned, working with guests in programs here, is that most people do not even know themselves (body, mind and soul) let alone each other. That the adventures expedition, that start of both your romantic journey, might be over in your head. Realize it’s only over in your head. In practice you have only taken the first steps on the path of the relationship with yourself and with your partner. There is still a long way to go if you are open (and willing) to it. An expedition in the discoveries of intimacy, sensuality, freedom, life energy, joy and bliss. A new dimension.

And that expedition is another one than you have experienced so far. That which you have experienced so far has only been a foreplay. You (finally) let go of all those thoughts in your mind and that primary focus on your genitals. Actually, your thoughts and focus on those organs ruined maybe more of your wellbeing than you ever thought.

You focus on a much deeper level of connection with your partner through your heart and soul. A deeper way of experiencing blissful interaction. One that is focused on true connection and being understood. On (inner) energy flow. Learning to know each other on a deeper level. Experiencing a physical and spiritual / divine free bond. Both literally and figuratively a different communication and sensation. Deeper and closer attention to and interest in each other. Not only in the late evening hours but a stimulating energetic sensation of wanting to give to and take from the other during the whole day.

A discovery journey first of yourself and after that together with your partner. Long-lasting experience of energy flow, intimacy, sensuality and above all ... of slow experiencing. Taking and giving the time (quality time) for each other. Aren’t you both worth that time?

And what about that 'act' you think is necessary? That is no longer the focus. Making love is so much more. The attention is no longer on that act. When it comes or shows itself that’s not more than natural and totally OK but there is no need anymore. It is (again) about a much more intense experience of true loving than ever before. From experiencing yourself and the other person deeper, to learn to understand and appreciate the meaning of loving yourself and the other person (and what it, deep down, always for you has been). Discovering and living the three kinds of intimacy: Physical, emotional and spiritual.

And again, do not believe that you really have to be that old. That can be so and very often that 'low pitch' arises much earlier. Even in a still young or new relationships, regardless of your age, I notice here that such an expedition gives a closer, deeper, connection and flow. For sure, those discoveries are fantastic experiences, insights and reinforcements. And this is not a kind of egoistic act. You do not only feel that yourself or together with your partner. You are radiant in this to the world around you.

And the best thing is that you've already all of this stored inside yourself for a very long time. It is literally an experience of dis-covering. Take the cover, the lid, off and release that valuable treasure in yourself to enjoy Life and Love more intensely. And sometimes, perhaps from your partner, you need a little bit a push or support in your back to come into action. 

Great to be able to cope with the energy of people who discover and experience this here in an intensive eight-day program. That playful new stage and phase in and with themselves and with each other.

Do you want to react, do you have any questions about this or do you confidentialy want to share something with me? Mail to: captijninsight@gmail.com.

Frans Captijn

Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life, love, family, business, career and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com

Pondering about my next parents. "We don't need no education...hey teacher leave them kids alone."

The last week of the year I took even more time to contemplate on my life. What I already learned and, like everyone running out of time, about what there still is to learn and share this lifetime. 

I was even pondering about my next life. Many times before in my blogs I wrote about my idea life will not stop. Yes, you leave your body because it cannot serve you any longer in the process of growing. So change is needed otherwise there cannot be any growth. What a rich understanding if the time is there your soul frees itself from the temporary structure (your body) to make steps forward again. For me it’s not even my belief anymore. Even deeper it is trust. Maybe for many people a strange thought. But this is not where this week’s blog is all about.

I was thinking about what kind of next parents I want to have in that life and where to be born again. Don’t get me wrong I am more than thankful, grateful, happy and honored by the parents I have and, although not physically on this world anymore, I meet on a daily base. And no, I was not under any influence of alcohol or drugs and not dreaming ;). Just thoughtful.

Living a total different life and lifestyle then I lived before in The Netherlands and in my role as a CEO I discovered I am not another brick in the wall. And getting the possibility to make steps forward again I want to go on with that. Happy both of my children also discover there is much more and a wider experience of living life not being that other brick in the wall as well.

Yes there are all kind of systems in every country, in every culture, in every religion. And without some rules it will be very hard to live all together in the village I call world. But is it always necessary to follow all the systems? Aren’t we still ‘free’ human beings to make our own choices?

Thinking about the kind of next parents I want to find, immediately I connected with a couple I know from here. A Thai lady, a man from Great Britain and their son. Actually for me this couple is more than special. They are very, very special. Unique and different. No other bricks in the wall.

And I don’t think there are many couples in the world who are like them living love, living life, going their own way, where possible do not follow systems. They feel home in the village ‘World’ wherever they are together as a family. Freedom in bond. They offer their son and themselves the ‘Street University of Life’. Doing what they can to not let their child follow the systems but getting life experiences. So, so far and I think he is already 8 years old, he is not going to school. In a playful way he learns from cultures, he speaks and writes several languages, he is more than clever (living his inner wisdom) and get the support from his parents to be who he is and just to explore life completely how and what it is. A soul with loving and inspiring parents who are not willing him to unlearn by systems what all is stored within this boy. Great to see and sometimes this parents really show they have the guts to ‘beat’ the system.

Have you ever thought about the idea that science is the development of knowledge and wisdom is the development of learning from Life? These people go for the latter and show their son what that can be for stimulating self-development.

Thinking all this things over I thought about the idea to write them, living in Mexico at that moment, a compliment that they plopped up in my mind as the kind of parents I want to have in my next life. I got a wonderful email back. Find a part of it in relation to their son and his not going to school:

“The mass freely compliment (Name of the boy) on his take on life and his sharpness and always want us to recommend his school to them!!!....Ah no school comes the answer. The teachers need to learn from him we say...Many see it as a joke answer, whilst others are so conditioned to belong to the system, enslaving the new energy within society they in turn give a lecture as what to do!!!....Like it worked for them...not.

His knowledge is not borrowed from schools it is within or 'in' (intrinsic, intelligence and intuition).

To be fair existence has beautifully coincided so many time keeping (Name of the boy) away from this conditioning...again so very grateful.

As Pink Floyd....another brick in the wall...we don't need no education...hey teacher leave them kids alone.”

In my opinion most parents are unable and unwilling to offer the freedom for their child or children to explore and be who they are. I am happy already about 10 years to be on the ongoing discovery journey of what my life is all about. Turn the bricks of lessons, experiences and even thoughts around. For myself and for many others I took my brick out of the wall.

I discovered there is so much more ‘in’ me and there is still more to explore and to share. Being myself. As much as possible free from the systems. Already far on the journey of learning to unlearn again. 

This type of multicultural parents who are living true love and exploring the worth of life. Were ‘home’ is being together somewhere in the village called World. Who are having the guts to free themselves and me, for as far as I am not able to do it myself yet, from any systems possible. Not afraid of what the world thinks about them. Who act and contribute out of love and help me to get and keep the ongoing feeling of bliss. Who grant me the possibility to go on even deeper exploring myself and to share my treasures with the world around. Who stimulate my inner wisdom to flourish. Who protect me against people who do not understand me yet. Who trust me and believe in me. Who help me not at all to be another brick in the wall. Who are connected with living life and who knows work in conscious and engaged business as a part of family energy and changing living environments.

Why? Most businesses thrive on the unconscious market...the more unconscious the product the more financial success… is the thought. Actually the less sustainable happiness and bliss.

I hope they will show and offer me real wealth that money cannot bring… A healthy life, lifestyle and contribution, in supporting my intelligence and intuition to grow in love, in staying my true self and in sharing my uniqueness.

Maybe this will bring another healthy ripple in the pond…

Frans Captijn

Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life, love, family, business, career and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com

Don’t try to do your best to live a different life this New Year. Just DO it!

This year I received lots of Christmas and New Year’s wishes and also emails. Worked with guests around Christmas. Reading the wishes, the mails and working with my guests I got the understanding many people know they are not really LIVING life or live the life they want. Satisfying others, not being themselves any more. They experience they are in a kind of vicious circle. Living a life they actually do not want living (any longer) but earning money and fulfilling expectations, so they go on living a life they don’t really want living. Isn’t that strange.

And they also know what they need to change and what makes them really healthy and happy. Immediately after writing or telling me this, actually telling themselves, it’s so terribly hard to change their life(style) but they try to do their best in this New Year. I am sure they will not succeed. They stay in their vicious circle. Not serving themselves and not serving the world around in the best possible way.

Why do we constantly put off until later what we intuitively know is of the highest importance? Isn’t it strange you know you live an unhealthy life or lifestyle and to say it’s so hard to change but you will give it (only) a try? Giving you already a General Excuse to stay discontent? It only takes one person to change your life. You!

Take a sincere look at yourself. Where are you in your life? What have your priorities been up till now and what do you intend doing with the time you have left? Are you really the best you can be? Is there a need to remain as you are now? Who do you (only) think you are serving with this dissatisfaction?

In the West, we are consumed from morning till night by endless activity. We do not take much time to consider the basic causes of our happiness or suffering. We imagine doing even more activities or care more, our sense of dissatisfaction will fade away. But the truth is that many of us continue to feel let down and more and more frustrated by our contemporary life(style).

Very few people would say there is nothing worth improving in the way they live and experience the world. However, some people think their own particular weakness and conflicting emotions are something rich that contributes to the ‘fullness’ of their lives. They take the point of view their way of living is ‘normal’ or ‘natural’, and that it’s all about accepting ‘human nature’.

Are you willing to change, do you have the guts to change? Giving it only a try this year does not bring you any further. So stop with that, go on suffering or building up even more unhappiness or… just change it. Do it!

From one of my friends, actually one of my former teachers, I got a story that possible can help you making the change to start LIVING life. And yes, maybe at first sight and for a short while it will be hard to let go and you will suffer a bit. Afterwards you are proud of yourself, you feel free, much better. And not only will you feel better. You serve the world around you much more as well. If you do not accept or make the choice for change, you will not grow.  

This friend sent me a story from Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. As a witness she recorded their top five regrets in this last weeks of their lives.

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?

Do not do your best to give it a try. Do it!

Frans Captijn

Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life, love, family, business, career and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com