Find and free your sexual energy and live a free/freer and more connected LIFE.

Today, at the place I live in Thailand, a nine-day Tantra retreat / workshop finishes. 53 Guests participated. What apparently first appeared to be a yoga retreat developed more and more (and eventually) in a Tantra program and experience. And an experience it was.

The guests worked - in the full and exciting program - in the morning, afternoon and evening. Lack of energy and commitment of the participants did not appear. It was a huge liberation in connectedness.

How does it work and why most people do not experience this?

To start with the latter. Your inner database or your programming, most of the times formed - out of the best intentions of others - by your upbringing, culture, religion, expectations of others and not to forget personal life experiences (often damages) push you away from deep inner connection, intimacy and warm engaged relationships.

Every single person is desiring and has a hunger for deeper intimacy in life and in all kind of warm friendships and relationships. And we have been taught to be ashamed of the most natural thing to us in relation to deep connecting. Shame is the number one thing keeping us from our evolution to growing into our deepest and best self.

We have shame around our bodies. We have shame around our emotions and being vulnerable. And all the shame is keeping us like living these small lives and black and white. Tantra can teach us to step out of this boxes and to live in technicolor.

And please stop your immediate labelling. Tantra is not just about having (greater) sex. There is a lot of misunderstanding. What tantra really is about is so much deeper and so much bigger than only sex and effects all the areas of our life whether you know it or not.

It helps you to connect on a mind, body and spirit level. All kind of classes or courses teach you to change your mind, to change your thoughts, to change your believes, but they leave your body - and especially our senses - as part of the holistic approach in relation to connecting behind. Tantra brings your body back into the picture and makes your presence stronger. It’s all about awakening through your senses. Discovering the jewels of aliveness (as I call in in our Tantra workshops).

We have this deeper cravings locked into our bodies. Most of us have been taught to disconnect from our bodies to have shame around all these natural things in us in a way that is crippling our lives. Crippling your relationships whether that’s romantic relationships, family relationships, friendships and most of all your relationship to yourself. Do you feel worthy of being loved and creating sacred sexuality and warm engaged relationships?

Tantra ignites and offers the ability to the soul to experience the human body through touch, taste and smell and all of your senses. To be aware of and connected with the energy this sensations bring you. One person alone but especially two people can share together. And Tantra will give you that feeling and deep connection back in reclaiming in how sacred these relationships are. Tantra also teaches you, by releasing your intimacy blocks and shame, how to be present in a more engaged and connected way. When you are always stuck in your head and not in your body you cannot totally be present in connections with others.

If you free your sexual energy in yourselves, you are more energetic, much, much more alert, connected and attractive. Indeed, it is something very natural. By too much rational thinking about it, we limit the positive energy supply to ourselves and our environment. Sexual energy you can experience physically, mentally, emotionally as well as on a spiritual level and of course, from that experience, you can express. Sexual energy offers a base for more enjoyment and pleasure in your daily life.

And the intense enjoyment of these energy you can simply learn at all ages (because you never learned it and it’s not age-dependent).

So how does it work?

Tantra, intimacy and sacred sexuality might be a little bit out of your comfort zone. Possibly it sounds strange at first sight, but the main thing you are doing is discovering yourself. Not an egoistic thing. All kind of creative approaches are offered to support your sense and energy journey. And (at least in our programs) you wear loose cotton clothes (during some classes in the program ‘white robe’).

Like in many of our other programs mindfulness (the energy to be for 100% connected with what you are doing) is an important part. To awaken the senses and creating sensual and sexual energy flow we work with meditation, visualization, imagination, music (songs and mantras), sound (vibration and harmonics by Tibetan singing bowls, Ghantas, Tingshas and gongs), dance, touch, breathing techniques, body work (Kundalini yoga), massage, etc .. All with the intention to first find and grant yourself. Discovering and experiencing what you need from yourself (and/or additional from your relations) and can give as well to allow that inner energy flow. Emotions / blockages are visible and you learn yourself to drop veils of shame and intimacy blocks (till a level that still feels comfortable to you) and accept the energy flow for deep engaged connecting.

Do you know yourself? My / our experience is that people generally do not even know their outside. Only that part of yourself you can see in a mirror. Not even talking about all the uniqueness that is stored and available on the inside. Not even talking for instance about the intense awareness of being touched.

And it is precisely in all hose discoveries to get the higher energy flow and experience. More freedom and a totally different inspiring and engaged connection with yourself and the world around. That’s the biggest gift you will learn yourself.

Great, and not even only in and for the participants themselves, to feel and see a wonderful total energy shift in, and connection between, people in such a week, making you aware of LIVING in connection.

Worth (and looking forward) organizing.

Frans Captijn

Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com

Sleeping as meditation? How does it work (and much more). Some insights out of Buddhist philosophy.

Actually quite a nice experience. Starting this year my first early morning class changed in name and now is called 'Buddhist philosophy and meditation’. And from the first moment it carries this name the classes, so far, became busier and busier with guests from all kind of different cultures. The word ‘meditation’ apparently still often scares people a bit. Too woolly and not connected still for several people is the label. On vacation in Thailand (or any other Buddhist country) or as here taking ‘Me-time’ to work on physical or mental health, people feel invited and show interested to learn and understand more about background and culture.

For a period of more than six weeks I hardly hear the quote "I am joining your class alone today. My partner wanted to go on meditating in her/his bed”. Quite often the last weeks there are even more people who, even earlier than the start of the morning yoga, join the Buddhist philosophy and meditation class. Nothing to do with our four great skilled, inspiring and inviting yoga instructors. Even more and more Chinese guests while the Chinese owner of our place first thought Chinese guests would not highly appreciate meditation. They do, and I am very happy about it.

So I miss that phrase more and more. Can you see sleep as meditation? And of course I know that with a big smile on their face it was mend to be a funny quote.

Buddhism knows two types of meditation that actually cannot be seen as separated parts. Samatha and Vipassana. You can see them as the two wings of a bird. With only one wing a bird cannot fly. Thousands of guests visit Thailand every year to attend the so-called Vipassana meditation retreat programs. Not knowing and understanding what it means. And how crazy it may sound, Vipassana is the second step.

It all starts with Samatha, which very roughly stands for focus and relaxation. Samatha, very gently turns into Vipassana what roughly means insight and being aware of breathing.

To stay in your bed to sleep an hour longer could be seen therefore as part of Samatha meditation. Isn’t it your choice for relaxation? And… no, your insight (or General Excuse) is totally wrong.

Often I get the question from guests: "Can you help me to stop thinking and calm down my monkey mind? Stop thinking? No, better not. I am not able to do that and you are not able to do that as well. Better think about stopping if the traffic light is red. We do not have a button to turn off our thinking process. We can learn, and that is not a one-time activity but a lifelong covenant with yourself, to calm the flow of thoughts down. The meaning of meditation is training the mind. You train your personal central computer, your mind. And just like your take care of your physical body everyday – taking a shower or wash it – why not at least give your mind every day one moment of your attention. After all, you want to stay healthy.

And still… we have a button/switch and hardly ever think about it. Buddhist philosophy teaches that we have eight states of consciousness. Five of them, they are conveniently called our salesmen/saleswomen, we turn off every day without even being aware. Those five, driven by looking, tasting, feeling, hearing and smelling, can only connect you with now, with your present moment. You cannot literally look ahead or look backward, not taste what comes tomorrow or hear the sounds of music at the party that is organized next week for you. Those five senses connect you purely just and only with and for the present moment.

And what about that switch? Once you get into your bed and go to sleep then you switch this five off without any problem. Actually, you bring them in deep sleep or deep relaxation state.

The sixth sense in Buddhist philosophy is our mind (our mano-consciousness). And that mind organ has the ability and the capacity to deal with the now, our past and our future. If no "now signals" enter from our five senses than the mind at random and partly uncontrolled connect with past experiences and thoughts about the future. We start dreaming. Be aware, after all, we cannot turn of our mind (better not).

Examining your fears very deeply, you eventually will discover that the base of your fear is you are afraid to die. It gives us our basic strength and will to survive, to continue to connect with the world around us. In my former profession in worldwide crises and disaster management I had to deal a lot with this. Going to bed, we do not feel any fear to fall asleep and most people never realize that they switch off their consciousness and disconnect with the world around with ease. Not even sure you will wake up the next day. Sorry to tell you I have many stories and experiences with this theme/thought that this inner and satisfying believe is not at all the truth. No fear to fall asleep and turn off, fear to die…

During meditation practice all our senses go on working to be fully conscious. Like the butterfly that stays fully conscious (his/her way to survive) on the picture. We only give this group of our five main senses a temporary ‘home’ (often focusing on our nose tip or our breathing). We try to bring our senses back from temptations and focus on ourselves. Fully conscious and being present. And yes, that's really different from sleep.

It makes me happy more and more people are discovering the value to learn more about this philosophy and even take a closer look at all free available offers to LIVE life more consciously, mindfully and a with more peace of mind. 

Frans Captijn

Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com

Use your own ‘magic’ personal healing power. Highly recommended.

Yesterday finally, 7 weeks after my accident with my red Yamaha Tricity, I discovered my scooter finally is fixed. It costs me about halve a brand new bike on spare parts and wages. And actually I am happy to pay that because I am still alive. There was a lot of damage, material (my scooter), physical (my body), and also a bit mental (not the ego but for a couple of weeks fright and still driving more careful).

Strange enough it took my body (only) 6 weeks to totally recover. At the emergency room at Lanna Hospital in Chiang Mai the doctor already told me I must have a lot of good Karma because I had lots of wounds and injuries on the total left side of my body, but nothing broken and he was in doubt to use stiches or not. He thought the body was able to heal by itself providing that I took good care of the wounds and healing process. We decided to do it without stiches. I got 5 different medicines (to be honest I only used two for three days).

One of my neighbours helped me with a kind of ultrasound curing for my left arm and shoulder and some ‘personal health responsibility anti-bacterial treatment’. I myself started with personal (Shamanic) healing in relation to positive and stimulating healing energy support by thoughts and intentions. Possibly some people who read this will think this is really a woolly story and I am not at all connected with the earth again. Just think and judge what you want to think or judge but still… My ‘personal repair’ only took 6 weeks without any other treatment.

We think all this wonders and magic stories you can find in books as the bible, vague self-help books, etc.. And yes, most people believe in the past and possibly now as well there are some people who had or have special healing power. My dad for instance is an example. And actually he showed me, it’s only a question of believe because we all have this ‘magic’ energy and healing power. The only thing is, we are not aware, we are not used to use it and think we are not trained and immediately label this things as ‘woolly’. So let’s visit a specialist, a doctor, a therapist to work on it and do not trust yourself.

This time, listening to the voice of my father and having more and more experience working with energy and sound flow and curing, I gave it a try. I invited my body to heal by itself. To show me his inner restorative power.

I started to support my healing process with positive and encouraging attention, thoughts and energy work (Buddhism uses for some of this techniques the word Metta). And with this inner energy you are able to connect with any cell, organ or tissue of your body. Supporting the healing process. Just a matter of making use of the inner available energy in every person to be able to heal not only other beings but yourself as well.

A wonder? Maybe not any longer if you believe it is available in you, for you and to serve the world around. Highly recommended and…it doesn’t hurt to try.

Frans Captijn

Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com

Study more easily and achieve better results by using a part of your ‘boring time’ in a different way.

Three weeks ago a Chinese mother and her daughter visited me. The daughter, a student, acted as her mothers translator. She addressed her mother could not find any peace in her mind and actually it was the same for her as well. They had heard about my Mind Manage Training courses I organize here at the resort and wanted to hear and learn more from it. 

The daughter, who really was super interested and engaged with the theme, mainly wanted to know if there was a way to study more easily and also to achieve better results. She immediately added that she had only limited or actually no extra time because she was too busy with everything going on in her life, with her studies and with the things going on around her.

And again, I cannot help it, coincidence. A former fire chief in my region, who now works in the Dutch Rotterdam-Rijnmond area, sends me the same week an article published in the Dutch newspaper ‘Algemeen Dagblad’ (AD) about the Rotterdam Buddha Festival with the headline: "Mobiles off Buddha on". With a big smile he asked me: "Did you start opening new branches / franchises in the Netherlands?"

Two simple answers with some explanation to help you to understand easier or better.

# Yes it is possible (even scientifically proven) to study more easily and thereby to achieve better results.

# No, I am not creating new branches / franchises in the Netherlands or anywhere in the world and will never that.

To start with the last answer. I noticed that the area, the habitat, where you live and work is essential. It offers you the underlying energy (flow/engagement) to share the things you have to bring. I discovered Thailand is my home. This all does not mean that I may not tarry with my activities at other places in the world. Basic requirement for this is that I feel good in that place. To feel enough flow (be and stay in my strength) and participants literally engage with the activities we do at that energetic place. So as the article in the newspaper AD indicates to take some time to take a rest for themselves and disconnect to connect.

And now, my main theme in my program is not, seen by many as woolly - to discover the Buddha. I am from origin still a constructional engineer and a fire chief. So skip that ‘fluffy’ part and do not immediately talk and think in stereotypes.

And about the first question if there is a way to make studying easier and achieve much better results the explanation actually is quite simple. You need to unlearn some things, in a playful way and without even knowing, you learned in your past. You should be more aware and get insight in your behaviour. You have to learn and train right concentration and right effort and build up a new routine being and continuing the master of your mind instead of the slave.

Hardly have time for that? Even for this the answer is simple and the explanation in my opinion easy to understand.

Do not make me laugh. You only give attention to your own created General Excuse.

For the majority life has many, many, many "boring time" and "time to wait". And what do we do if we are or get bored? We start hanging watching television, we play a game on our computer or mobile device, or for hours we chat. Apparently we have more than enough time for that. And people tell themselves they do not have time (or do not want to spend time?) to really invest in themselves?

It's just learning and creating a new life routine. To use 15 minutes, preferably early in the morning, a day to pay attention and to take care of your inner personal computer. Your mind. To calm it and to keep calm and fit. To skip only 15 minutes of your ‘boring time' and turn it into Mind Manage Training practice. Working on a drill with the things I mentioned.

Very quickly you will feel and face the effects. More peace in your mind, better concentration, more connection, better and brighter choices, better sleep, time left, and a desire to use more of your 'boring time' for that where it really all about for you. Why? Because with this practice you open up your mind treasures step by step. You find immeasurable treasures, boundless thinking and peace of mind.  

An investment in your future and better results - guaranteed – not only in relation to your studies.

It has only to do with the firm will to take the first step and the power to continue to practice. Progress will come…


Frans Captijn

Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com

A relationship does not make you happier

At first sight this might be a bit a 'blunt' statement. Try to be very, very honest to yourself... If you recognize something in it (or in relation to your neighbors) feel invited to read on. 
Absolutely no recognition? Congratulations! You can be proud to be part of a select group who indeed found that extra luck. So skip this time reading my blog and go on enjoying a happier life being together. 

Like me, you probably recognize sometimes all this kind of coincidences. And you can ask yourself is this coincidence or is there something to learn?

Last week, during my work, I watched again a presentation of Nick Vujicic (The Australian man without arms and legs). This time a keynote speech in relation to achieving goals. Again, I had to laugh loud hearing one of his statements towards his audience.

“My estimation is that most of you have been married at one stage of your life. And you know, you see all this teenagers and college people who are single and they’re like: “Oh, I just can’t wait to get married”. And their goal is to get married. And if they get there it’s not all that they thought. They think: “O my live’s gonna get easier when I get married. Nu-uh! Any married person will go up to them and say, “Honey if you ain’t happy single, you ain’t gona be happy married.” Can you hear an amen? All say “Amen”. And Nick responded: “See those are the married people”.

That same day, during my studies I got an explanation of my teacher on the same subject. And in the evening I picked, at random, a story to prepare a morning session from my workbook - believe it or not – about being or not being more happy in a relationship.

Many single people are looking forward to, or in search for, a partner. That would give a feeling of being ‘complete'. On the other hand, those who are in a relationship and do not like it anymore are on search or looking forward to their freedom or being single and their selves again.

Previously, much more than now, couples stayed together. Nowadays people recognize that if, despite trying many things to get things in their relationship better, for whatever reason or disturbance they –as individuals and as couple - cannot grow anymore, it might be better to decide to take a different and individual new course to flow again.

Based on (2014) statistics from the United Nations (United Nations, Department of Economic and Social Affairs) figures indicate at that time an average global "Divorce - Marriage - Ratio" of 43%. On top that period Belgium with 71% followed by the USA (53%) and Russia (51%).

All couples who decided not to proceed in their marriage. Ultimately it manifested being together in their relationship did not bring them any higher value or higher happiness any more. This figures talk only about married people so only as a part of all kind of relationships in general. Obviously there are also lots of couples not at all really happy anymore with each other and with their relationship that remain together whatsoever reason. They just ‘accept’ (not really accepting) the grown situation for that what it is and carry it as a burden on their back. Financial reasons, responsibilities (some only pretended), fear, and still in charge of the pretended expectations of the outside world. Sometimes I ask myself in relation to this expectations, did you really ask? It’s only something you created in your mind.

And of course, let's face it, fortunately there are also couples who are real sparkling and bright shining being together in their relationship. And maybe this blog is just about them.

Osho writes in his book ‘The Search, Find your inner power, your potential’:

“A very intricate, complex thing that has to be understood: if you are not in love, you are lonely. If you are in love, really in love, you become alone.

Loneliness is sadness; aloneness is not sadness. Loneliness is a feeling of incompleteness. You need someone and the needed one is not available. Loneliness is darkness, with no light in it. A dark house, waiting and waiting for someone to come and kindle the light.

Aloneness is not loneliness. Aloneness means the feeling that you are complete (all-one). Nobody is needed, you are enough. And this happens in love. Lovers become alone – through love you touch your inner completeness. Love makes you complete. Lovers share each other, but that is not their need, that is their overflowing energy.

Two persons who have been feeling lonely can make a contract, can come together. They are not lovers, remember. They remain lonely. Now because of the presence of the other, they don’t feel the loneliness – that’s all. They somehow mislead themselves. Their love is nothing but a trick to mislead oneself: and the world around showing I am not lonely – somebody else is here. When two basically lonely persons are meeting, their loneliness is doubled, or even multiplied. That’s what happens ordinarily.

How can two lonelinesses coming together become completion, totality? Not possible.

By the time the honeymoon is finished, the marriage is also finished. It is very temporary. It is just an illusion.

Real love is not a search to go against loneliness. Real love is to transform loneliness into aloneness. To help the other – if you love the person, you help him to be alone. You don’t fill him or her. You don’t try to complete the other in some way by your presence. You help the other to be alone, to be so full out of her or his own being that you will not be a need.”

My teacher of an International Buddhist University in China, online, told during his lecture that the majority does not feel happier because of their relationship. On the contrary relationships, after a first happy start - and most of the time stimulated by the normal natural and biological impulses if people feel attracted to each other – sooner or later face personal restrictions and suffering. Partners in many relationships step by step and more and more feel lonely. Not understood, discouraged or even hindered in personal development and growth. Afterwards it showed up to them they had different expectations. Lots of times they only create their expectations afterwards. Because they do not feel happy in their relationship anymore they start to think (and feel) about it. At that time they start thinking about (or creating) their expectations. They realize they basically too much adapted and restricted themselves. And again in retrospection, they now feel this happened against their will.

If you adapt yourself – against who you actual are and want or maybe to life your mission need to be – at a certain moment you have to face a kind of inner revenge. Because all this adapting limited both partners in growing and sharing their uniqueness. Not only they caused harm to themselves as an individual but also their partner / family. The relation formed a routine. A downward spiral in personal growth and development of each individual and the relationship.

And he as well noted that the first step to do is to learn to be happy with yourself, you need to feel free and have unconditional love for yourself. You're the one who lives 24 hours with yourself a day. And un-conditional love to yourself means you do not want to depend on or depend on anyone else to have bliss and success. It’s only yourself. If you succeed in that, to get in addition something even more is not needed but can be felt as a nice bonus.

If that unconditional love and the recognition of yourself starts to overflow, and you cannot hide radiating that energy in all directions, you have a free choice in how to share that surplus to and with others. At that moment you are one with yourself and experience yourself as a part and connected with everything and everyone. There is no need for a specific love affair with another person. It’s only an option. Possibly is only disturbs that process in the long run.

Whatever the choice and way, you should always remain alert to yourself not to sag that basic personal level of completeness and unconditional love for yourself first.

Isn’t that a bit selfish? If you would go for less, how can you be there for others in optimal forma?  And perhaps that is what the people who actually experience they make each other real sustainable happier being in a relationship, have. They are and remain, first for themselves, continue to feel free in their relationship, enjoy mutual and collective growth and take steps forward in a natural way together where they both feel 100% connected and satisfied.

A day again with quite a few approaches to gain insights. Maybe by reading this blog not just only for me.

Being all-one. Single or in a relationship? A relationship for sure does not have to make you happier ...

The first step is to be there, to be available for- and happy with - yourself. So you can share from your own abundance, in freedom to the world around, your uniqueness in an optimal way. 
Nothing selfish and perhaps there still is a lot to do.

Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com

Your sleepingroom is for sleeping and sex. The restroom to let go, to drop and to rest

A few weeks ago a guest visited me in relation to her already many years suffering from insomnia. She had tried everything and now could not sleep without an increasing dose of sleeping pills any longer. She had become addictive. She wondered if meditation might be something to bring a solution to get rid of her addiction. So far we did not even come during our chat about her problems.

Sleeping pills are fighting or controlling the effect. So does the fire department, my old job. It's much more effective to look for the source. More and more I discover, certainly in relation to my ongoing studying philosophy, that whenever there is an effect, for certain there is a source. If, in firefighting terminology, you turn off the gas (taking away the source, fuel), the effect (fire) does not occur. Simple enough.

In a very short time she discovered and told me a number of sources – some from the past and some still in the present - that are or could be the cause or at least possible had a relation to the insomnia problem.

And this week I want to talk about one of the sources she mentioned. Possibly, no I am sure about that, more people suffer from it. It has to do with your lifestyle, well actually maybe in relation to the question of the guest, with our "How can I fall asleep and stay asleep” style.

In my thirteen months 'burn-out' period, a doctor asked me to describe to him my availability and attainability in my role as director of safety and regional commander of the fire brigade.

Full of pride I told him I was always available. My responsibility I told him.

"The fire brigade is never closed, you know," I said with a smile on my face. I was still used to an alarm receiver and an old fashioned phone and sometimes even a walkie-talkie on my nightstand.

"And you know doctor, it may sound strange to you, but even before the alarm I can hear the soft click that precedes to send the alarm signal. And at once I am fully awake and clear to answer the phone. Sometimes even the people working in the night shift at the control room tell they thought I was waiting for the phone call because I was so clear."

And yes, that was how it was. The doctor looked at my shining face with question marks in his eyes. He asked me if I was proud of the story I told him and if I really understood what I told him. Actually (then) I had no idea. I was used to that, no problem.

During the conversation with the woman this story came up in my mind again. Fool I was. I learned it is totally unhealthy day in, day out having such an alarm receiver on my nightstand, not only because of the energy waves or radiation, during your sleep. The other thing is your mind starts to connect with it. It create a certain alertness hindering you to fall asleep or to sleep deep. It’s an underlying attention during your sleep.

The guest told me in her bedroom, before going to sleep, she watched TV. Sometimes read a book, then took her pills, did her final checks on Facebook and for latest emails on her iPhone and after that put her smartphone on her nightstand. When I asked her about her behavior in the rest-room she told me with a laugh that she could not visit the toilet without her IPhone using her "session" there to check her emails and the social media. What else can you do?

If you only listen to this behavior, this lifestyle, don’t you think it is strange this woman cannot sleep well? At night visit the bathroom and coming back in your sleeping room before trying to fall asleep again checking messages on your iPhone. Possibly, I did not ask her, getting Line or text messages during the whole period you want to offer yourself for sleeping? You, not only, serve yourself day and night a continuous dose of radiation close to yourself but you server yourself as well with an ongoing disturbance of your sleep. Being available for all kind of new incentives during your (needed) period of rest. The need for and addiction to pills to rest is almost assured.

For now, let’s skip to take the step to meditation. You are not ready for that. Change your sickening and disruptive behavior for yourself (but for your neighbor possibly located next to you as well). My wife, I once was married to, could not get used to my always day and night constant accessibility. But I was crazy! And I took my job too serious. Nobody ever asked me to be always, 24-7 year after year available. This doctor was totally right. No you cannot get used to it. It’s disturbance and you accepted it.

A sleeping room is for sleeping and having sex. A restroom, as the Americans call it, to let go, get rid of your natural shit, and to rest. Not for all the (free choice) different disturbances. And it are not only the Americans who do not rest at the restroom. They are less unique than they think they are.

The first step to get rid of your insomnia is to work on the source and prepare yourself for the night. The stop the sleep disturbing sources or switch them off. At least all your digital devices halve an hour before sleeping out of the sleeping room (or in the switch off mode (your wake-up call will function)) till the next morning you have to start up again.

Your last check emails check before your dinner and to create a period of doing nothing before going to sleep. And yes, that can be difficult because doing nothing you connect with yourself. Possibly in that case you can think about meditation to calm your mind down.

Usually in Thai temples, next to the main Buddha statue, on one side you see gold on the other side silver. That has a meaning.

Gold is associated with the sun, the day and action. Silver is associated with the moon, the night and rest. In order to be and remain healthy, there should be a good balance between action and rest, without any disruption.

And this resting here is called 'recharging' and if you do you will get building up inner wisdom in return. You do not have to do anything else. No study (that’s building up knowledge) needed. Going on in your daily life with being available and accessible to every impulse, through Line or whatever, disrupt this necessary pattern and does not only make you less productive. The quality of your work (and engagement) will be less. You start to worry more (because you do not guard your mind but only create more and more chaos) and you start to make more and more mistakes. You are much faster irritated. You get less energy for the new day and… you suffer more and more of insomnia. Toxifying your health. Learn from nature, the seasons. Longer nights in winter? A quest and offer to sleep longer.

Isn’t is strange that people usually absolutely do not forget their Smartphones to recharge on time, but forget to do that themselves?

In The Netherlands we have the slogan: "Alcohol destroys more than you want." In my opinion, we can introduce and add a new slogan in relation to the new addiction which causes many people to suffer from insomnia: "A Smartphone destroys more than you want."

Unfortunately, I already have some experiences with it ...

And again; "Disconnect to connect" Give yourself and your relationship right attention and good (night) rest ...

Sleep well!

Frans Captijn

Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com

Attention, popularity and approval. I feel lonely and in my relationship I am jealous and feel not too happy.

Last week from a former Dutch colleague I got a message about a research into the use of ‘social’ media. For me the article hit the nail on the head. And in the city and the Asian culture where I live now it hit the nail even harder. An invitation to reflect and share some personal thoughts. Maybe some the same, maybe some as addition about this theme.

For me it seems for many people getting lots of ‘likes’ on things they post on the social media give them a kind of satisfaction. They strive to get more and more ‘friends’ feeling they increase their ‘popularity’. In return they ‘like’ everything they see from their contacts. If they really like it or not.

I know people who already have a couple of thousands ‘friends’. Just thinking about that makes me tired and busy in my head. Dealing for instance with, in general, about 10 or more birthdays a day gives a lot of work to do if you want to show a bit ‘personal’ attention and connection. After all you want to stay ‘friends’. You almost need at least two IPhones to handle. And yes, I discovered some people have. At least here.  

On the other hand it hides something very delicate. You never have to be a single evening alone. If your friends live nearby you can visit 10 birthday parties every evening. However, you will almost need a private driver for it but at least you are very busy bringing flash-visits.

And visiting them you immediately can take happy selfies with your friend, post where you are and tell the next ‘birthday candidate friend’ you are on your way to visit him or her. Surprise!

I even ask myself if it’s still possible to connect with your work at all. After all you are so busy. Visiting several public places and several real fantastic shopping malls here in the city, shows me most of the shop assistants are only there (not even aware they are there). They are not at all involved or connected with their tasks (to help/ advise customers, exchange in relation to the customers quest the best possible solutions and to sell). They are only connected with their IPhone. Afraid to connect face-to-face it seems (or possibly really is). Real contact makes the new generation scary.
Even temporary ‘Hot sales’ events, like BMW a couple of month ago in our big Central Airport Plaza shopping center, shows 9 ‘salesman’ / ‘saleswoman’ not at all connected with their task. It seems to be quite ‘normal’ not to connect with possible customers. IPhones were calling... Truly a fantastic (bizarre) ‘Business Card’ for this brand (and this is just one example. There are dozens more of them). Stay at home! And… be happy I’m not your boss. 

More and more people, in an ongoing stream, post sparkling radiant selfies. Living in Chiang Mai, Thailand, and sitting for a while near the Tha Phae Gate of the old city is one of the places day and night you can see this phenomenon. It is really sometimes to laugh. People nearly stumbling with their selfie stick over the pigeons. And couples with their IPhone, selfie stick or whatever else, doing exactly the same. The picture in this blog I really made within one minute being there. And watch the real happiness on the face of the boyfriend.

The most wonderful thing to see there watching this 'Selfie people'? Immediately after they made there number ? selfie the bright smile is gone again showing the real mood. Sitting there for a while is an entertaining experience of unreal life shows.  

Do they want to show how beautiful the are? What's beautiful? Ever tried to describe that word 'beautiful'? And yes, easy to say, it's the opposite of 'ugly'. And how to describe 'ugly'? If you need lots of cosmetics to hide (only) your external real beauty - so to shine for the outside world being a different 'bright shining' you - what about beauty? What about you? You show the world you are not happy and satisfied with the person you are. 
Beautiful? It's just and only in your mind and created by marketing hired by industries who want to earn money on you. Everybody is beautiful. Just a matter of natural taste and personal attraction. And yes, I like just that little touch to attract peoples wonderful eyes, mirrors of the soul.  

Research, there is a lot to find on the internet already, learns that most of the people posting in an ongoing stream selfies feel lonely. Even possibly having thousands of ‘friends’. It’s just an ongoing scream for getting attention.

Couples, especially the ladies of the team, showing their ongoing smiling relationship pictures and moods on the ‘social’ media are not really happy. Very often this has everything to do with jealousy, possessiveness (clinging) and obtain some form of approval from the outside world. The approval that they, as a couple, fit into the "ideal picture". A kind of idealistic thought lots of them have of being ‘complete’ the white picket fence dreamlike, suburban bliss? They/we only created this kind of thoughts in their/our mind that this is the socially accepted value. Trying to follow and strive to be in this pattern as well. And if a sudden break in the relationship appears, all the ‘friends’ react they never ever even imagined this couple should ever give up… They were an example! An example of how fantastic they succeeded (And sad to say, don’t get me wrong, with lots of personal suffering, misery and family damage), in only the show of different appearances on the outside. A show for asking the outside world for approval.

One of the reports I found about this says:

“If people are happy and feel free in a relationship they live in the here and now. Researchers have found that those who don’t use social media are on the whole happier than those who do because they don’t constantly compare themselves with their colleagues and friends — all of whom always only appear to be somehow better or happier on the outside. We too often forget that all that matters are our real lives, our relationships, our experiences, and our feelings — and not the endless search for attention, popularity and approval online.”

Something perhaps to ponder about for a while. For me at least an impulse to avoid and switch off my ‘social’ media more and more. Only twice a day a short check. Still happy not to have an IPhone or tablet. It gives me the opportunity to really connect with my (only a handful of real) friends and the wonderful colleagues I am able to work with. Technology is just a tool. Not the purpose. The purpose is always conversation and change offline, face-to-face in engaged connection. 

Feeling lonely? Maybe turn it into an allowing yourself to be alone first. It’s called being All One. The rest will come on its own time. Just by being willing to reclaim conversation. The essence of society. Meeting each other.

Frans Captijn

Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com