In
Thailand, the country I live, people do not shake hands when they meet. They do
the so called ‘Wai’. With their hands they make a bud of a lotus flower (In
Buddhism related with the Buddha) and, most of the time placed on heart level,
they make a bow.
The
actual meaning of this greeting is: “A lotus for you, the Buddha to be.”. The
receiver can see it as a polite gift in combination with the invitation to show
his or her Buddha within.
All my
classes at the place where I work and live and all my meetings with ‘strangers’
as well as with people I already know for a long time, start with this gesture. The
start of offering hospitality.
A lot of
times at the beginning of my retreats or classes I start with the questions:
“Is there
something going on in your life you are suffering about and want to address?”
and/or “How can I be there for you?” I explain Buddhism has everything to do
with diminish or stop suffering and to mirror things that are going on in your
mind in a different way to get more or different insights. And the word insight
has everything to do with enlightenment. Not a holy thing but really and in
fact getting rid of ‘weight’ on your shoulders and feel lighter, freer. Lots of
times people share their story in private or in a group.
Just an
example of last week. After my questions it became silent for a short while.
Most of the time it needs some time to get the courage to pass 'the threshold' and to share what’s going
on. A woman shared a story about what was going on in her life. Her fears, her
anxieties, her anger about the future, and so forth. After telling her story she started
crying. The emotion of happiness because for the first time in her life, as she
explained, she shared her story. She never did to her husband, her children,
friends or family members.
Having
this experience again it brought me the idea to explore more about hospitality and
to share my ideas about it. And please (note for this blog) skip the idea this kind of hospitality
has to do with the hospitality branch and the business of hospitality.
The first
thing in the gift of hospitality is that you are really offering your availability.
This is not only showing that you are available but presenting the energy, the
donation, to be there. You are present for the other person(s) radiating the
energy - a kind of mantra - “I am here for you.”. You feel connected with the
other person(s) (A personal connection, mobile devices not involved). You are happy the other person
is or persons are there. You know people are suffering an you are there for
them.
The
second thing in the gift of hospitality is you are both ‘strangers’ to each
other. In a rational way we think we feel more free or safe sharing our
personal stories with people we know and trust. My experience in four years now
is that there is another truth. It has everything to do with emotional trust.
The
emotional trust is based in the idea that people you do not know for a long
time do not have the background of your personal stories. The invitation shows
respect, a willingness to listen, faith, no judging, no fear for any fight or debate and
a kind of welcoming excitement to understand what’s going on. Not asking for any advice but just being there to listen.
In lots of ways a different and inviting kind of trust.
In lots of ways a different and inviting kind of trust.
The third
thing in the gift of hospitality is that you know the contact is only
temporary. People find security in that thought and will not be hurt in telling their story.
I discovered hospitality is a kind of 'sacred' gift everybody can offer to each other. Too often we want to take care and start thinking, offering and/or even sometimes pressing other people to follow (out of our best intentions) 'our' own best solutions. But people have already all their solutions on their life questions within. They and you cannot find them or offer them from the outside world. You cannot enter their inner world. It's a personal process. So actually there is nothing more to do for you than to be there and show compassion so the other people can create peace within.
I discovered hospitality is a kind of 'sacred' gift everybody can offer to each other. Too often we want to take care and start thinking, offering and/or even sometimes pressing other people to follow (out of our best intentions) 'our' own best solutions. But people have already all their solutions on their life questions within. They and you cannot find them or offer them from the outside world. You cannot enter their inner world. It's a personal process. So actually there is nothing more to do for you than to be there and show compassion so the other people can create peace within.
A lot of
times, after mirroring and reflecting people show their gratefulness for
receiving and ask how to go on with the
insight they got by themselves. The answer is by letting go everything you
heard, wanted to hear and did not hear. You can trust yourself and the universe
that everything you needed to diminish or stop your suffering already started
with you. So forget everything. The most easy part. After that be aware of things starting
to flow again and feel a relief.
The
ongoing experiences I get of the working-out of the miracles of hospitality have everything
to do with healing and uncovering hidden energies. Actually stimulating peoples
inner miracles: the shift from fear to love. Be who you are and live and share the
many wonders of life.
Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight
Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.”
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight
Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.”
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