And again
I realize that I'm from another generation. It just appears to me, at the
resort where I work, last week in a nearby restaurant, at the international
schools nearby, but also - with very happy faces - on social media. The
so-called love babies can be sweet ... and yet, they also cause a lot of
inconvenience I notice over and over again.
More and
more 'nanny ways' appear. Children's kindergartens, pre-school and
after-school shelters, digital nanny's like television or just a few
days ago on i Phones and tablets on the table in the restaurant I was in (children
of not even one year old), and more and more specialized (cheap) ladies from
other different cultures that take care of children (human nanny’s). The
once-so-very much and out of love wanted children appear to be very often a
very disturbing factor for many people in relation to their life style and career
path.
Informing
cautiously about the background of all this digital or physical 'Nanny's, I got
answers as:
"We
have such nice and lovely children, but we asked ourselves; “Do they have to
disturb our career?". "We also have a life.". "Life (our
life) is simply expensive and we want to be honest about it, it's important to
get money for the mortgage and our holidays, and that’s taking the
responsibility to work both you know?" "We earn together much more so
it’s easy to pay our (cheap) nanny." "Sorry, but taking care of
growing up children is not really my thing. Never learned.". "After
my work, I also want to relax, I also have a social life and twice a week to
the fitness center and once a week playing golf for networking and getting rid of stress is
not too much." "You know, we're even supporting employment in this
poor country." "Isn’t it great to offer your children the opportunity
to play with other children at day care or kindergarten?".
And more
and more families who come here at the resort I live take their private nanny
to take even care of their children during the family holidays. Even on vacation, parents
do not really take or have time for real connection with their children. The I Phones,
tablets and laptops keep them in control. The connection (and control) on the
children has been outsourced. And that has its price but ... you get so much in
return (or not so much?). No stress, me-time, rest. Not all that hassle of
captivating children around you. And if you go out for dinner, then you will
put on a nice cartoon for your children and you can stay connected online as
well with the outside world. You must not miss anything. Friends
and work are waiting for your necessary (?) response. Do your friends and does your work really respect
you? What choices in your life do you make to LIVE life?
Children more
and more become a product. Parents take less and less time to share (and teach)
sincere and true and unconditional love. Love is 'simply' and 'simple'
outsourced. Children can have a lot of input. What ultimately becomes the
output is just the question. And commercialization plays a hand in it. Isn’t it
scary how much advertising is made especially for children? Attention, lack of
true love and so lack of human connection energy plays a big role. To make a
distinction between educating by yourself or outsourcing the raising of your
children, connect them with the digital nanny like the TV and / or smartphone, is
actually a consideration that, taken from my generation, wasn’t even an option.
And yes... it's quite easy to step in the trap of getting more time to make
money to live a ‘happy’ life. Ever thought (in advance before getting a love
baby) how much money and time it cost to raise a child or children? Too often I
hear the story; "In a few years finally my children will leave, they can
take care of themselves, looking forward to have time again to spend together ..."
What do you actually say?
Perhaps
for people who do not have children yet, the idea to think through if you as
well want to follow the ‘generally accepted standard’ and the (on the outside)
happy family life your friends show you. Perhaps you have the guts to deviate. Be
aware the world around you often calls this selfish. An easy label.
Having children is much more responsibility than you often think. Most of the time you will only find out if you already have them. It’s not at all 'all happiness' and/or outsourcing responsibilities as if it’s a kind of business relationship. If I ever get the opportunity to live a next life, out of the experience I have now, I want a life without the responsibility of children. (Be aware this is not a shock for my children, they know my thoughts, I am happy they are in my life and we feel, express and share (unconditional) love together). There are already more than enough children around in this world and it’s not at all my intention to keep our name high or the ‘family tree’ growing.
I am so
happy, in my live, to have had personal caring parents. Parents that always
were available for me. Parents that were so connected with me (and I with them)
that not even a single word was needed to feel what was going on in our lives. They
were my personal live coaches and managers for a long time. Learning me how to survive, how
to deal with living life, with love, with connection, with emotions.
Unconditionally they where there to give me physical, mental, emotional, environmental
and even spiritual safety. The door was not always open at all. There was not
even a door, even no threshold. And that single babysitter that sometimes came?
An adventure!
And when
I look back on my life so far ... in my opinion, I have never missed something.
I played on the street with children out of my neighborhood. Just like I still
see in the village I live now in Thailand. And if you were all dirty or under mud, nobody
worried about getting a bad illness. You just built up resistance.
It helped you to stay healthy in a natural way.
What a
life in sincere and lasting connection with those people who have ever delivered
me out of their love on this world. Success assured? 100% Sure! The current
situations ...? Don’t ask yourself ever the question (if it’s too late) why do
our children not understand us ??? We gave them so much…
Thank you
guys, Mom and Dad, for all the opportunities you gave me your way! I do not
think any nanny can ever resist it. Happy you always where there face-to-face,
for me.
Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight
Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.”
captijninsight@gmail.com
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