Oil!? You do not know the value of what you got? Don't find it. It’s already there! Be more healthy.

A couple of weeks ago I woke up with a tremendous pain in my left knee. I could not bend my leg anymore and had big problems to go downstairs because I could not walk. A very strange experience.

It took a day and actually I wanted to go to the hospital to make some x-rays to see what was wrong. The voice of my dad in my head told me (as he always said to his patients in his massage practice); “Go on moving. Do it gently. If it’s hard to do, give it a try taking a warm shower or try to go for a swim.”

With a swimming pool in my backyard not hard to go for a swim. Though it took me a while to reach the pool and to enter the water. Very, very slowly, I felt disabled , I tried to move but could not really swim. Believe it or not. The next day I woke up and everything was totally fine and without any problem I could walk again. So far it did not appear again.

This experience made me aware of the fact I do not even value what I got. Never worried about the vitality of my life. But actually it is a wonder, you know? Most of us do not take the time, are not even aware, of this wonders of life. We take health for granted when we are healthy. We do not care and go on living our life like; breakfast, lunch, dinner, work and so on in a repeating and continuing, unaware process. Not at all connected anymore about what life really is all about. Until the day it is ‘ocean view’, the final rest…

We only get worry when we get to that stage. When we are healthy we think that that stage is too far off. I am still OK. I am still walking. You do not know the value of your limbs until you cann't walk or hold something with your hands anymore. You do not know the value of your eyesight until you lose them. You do not value what you have got.

We forget that health needs a holistic approach and there need to be a personal balance in that. Physical body, Mind, Emotion, the Spiritual part and Causal (environmental) part (your relation to energy givers / energy drainers in your habitat). All five need to get (at least some) attention.

And when we think about or want to work on our health most of the time it is connected with the physical body. We go to the gym, start running, start moving, do fitness programs, etc. Some people tell themselves this even helps to empty their mind… Possibly this can be but most of the time you can see it as a temporary change of your attention from your regular worrying thoughts. 

Getting older we experience the physical part of our self is getting older. Just accept this natural process. You will never win a kind of battle to keep a young body forever as marketing tries you to believe. You will always lose this battle.

The mind, on the other hand is able to become more and more vital. Spirituality (and please refer to a wider range of experiences than only the traditional religious approach) is part of being in good health as well. It helps you to connect with meaning of life and with the value of all that is stored in you.

You do not know the value of air until you cannot breath anymore. When you are aware of breathing, for instance during meditation, you are visualizing the molecules flowing inside and outside again, feeling the air going in to cleans and out to let go. Ever thought about the meaning of that?

That visualization gives you the vitality of life! It makes you understand the vitality of life. What is life? That in and out breath? You take that breath for granted. Because it’s free. If the government starts to charge us for air, give us the bill every month for every m³ of breathing air we used, we will worry about it and start complaining.

We start worrying when something fails. During our regular “breakfast, lunch, dinner, work life” we are improving our ego, improving our greediness and… increasing our problems. We do not contemplate on our life very often. Torturing ourselves without even knowing. Losing our real self.

During one of my last classes I followed a teacher explained.

Think about this; When a person is very happy telling you: “I found oil!”  Actually what is he telling you?

It is the wrong expression. It’s not true. Even before he found it, it was already there. The oil is always underground. It does not matter if he found it or not. It’s misnamed to say I found the oil. No, it’s already there. You extracted it by using other means.

With contemplation and meditation we work on our health. We extract that ‘oil’ in ourselves. That oil of meaning. That ‘oil’ of direction. That ‘oil’ of uniqueness. That ‘oil’ of answers. That ‘oil’ of spirituality.

The question is are you interested in extracting that ‘oil’, or do you not really care now?

My experience... Don’t wait till ‘ocean view’ to learn, use and share the great values you got.


Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com

Remembrance and grief. Different approaches.

Note: Out of respect for the Thai people, Thai culture and the national declared mourning period I decided not to publish this week the English public blog about this theme. 
It will be delayed till after the mourning period.
Thank you for your understanding. Feel free if you have any questions.

Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com

Greeting each other. Showing respect and inviting the other to show his or her uniqueness.

When people greet each other, in the western world they shake hands. "Hey! Nice to see you again. How are you doing?" The standard answer usually is; "Good!". Maybe that's a good thing. If you after all should express that it's not going so well… then there is a sudden disruption in the standard protocol and/or response. Some time is needed to find the right words or way to deal with it. And what’s wrong when things in people’s lives are not always going perfect all the time. Who actually is living this kind of life? Nobody so isn’t it not more than normal people respond, honest, to tell you things are not going well?

In my previous job as regional fire-chief and CEO of Public Physical Safety, I regularly attended meetings in the region, the country or internationally. And certainly in the work environment it is expected to show your so-called networking skills. Actually everyone does do this his or her way in this kind of meetings. It was even part of my job description. Does not everybody has a 'target' to achieve? And often you come to these meetings to find and meet the people that can help you in achieving that goals. So you're just primarily focused for those people. And this has its work-out in the real attention that people with that "Hello!" and shaking hands have for you. You feel sometimes no connection at all, and often people do not even make eye connection. They are looking around trying to find the people that are really valuable for them. It's more shaking hands out of "politeness", although actually very impolite. Or a so-called sincere greeting with an acted laugh because we do not want the outside world to know/see that we actually do not really like the other person is visiting this meeting as well.

With shaking hands you get a real physical connection. It allows both persons to look each other in the eyes (giving the chance to touch the mirrors of the soul for a short while) to feel the energy from each other. Most of the time we are not even aware of this wonderful gesture and opportunity. Literally to touch, to make contact, with another unique personality (and everyone is a personality).

In the culture where I live this touching of each other (not even only shaking hands) is not there. It is not at all common. Therefore, the relationship must be longer and stronger and essentially there should be a foundation of built up trust. Family in this country is number one. All the rest comes later. A kind of first see which way the wind blows. You can also see it as showing respect for each other. And in greeting gesture here, the ‘Wai’, people show an enormous respect and even an invitation to the other person.

Just because there can be so much more value and connection in greeting each other (than lots of times disinterested shake hands) this blog to make you more aware about this.

The "Wai", is the Thai way of greeting and showing respect. The "Wai" is formed by your hands to make the shape of the bud of a lotus flower at the height of your chest / heart and to bow your head slightly a little bit forward. The "Wai" is a unique, graceful act that is used as a greeting throughout Thailand and which forms an important role in Thai etiquette and expressing respect. In Buddhism the lotus flower is associated with the Buddha.

In the Thai / Buddhist culture people do assume that a Buddha is in every person. That's nothing sacred (Buddhism is not a religion). That Buddhahood they see as a seed that is present in every human being to do good and to share what is in him or her. To show and share his or her natural strength and unique set of talents to fulfil his / her mission. Acting like this is supporting your personal growth and wisdom but building up growth and wisdom of society as well in the best and most natural way.

When greeting - or answering a greeting - with the Wai you actually say:

"A lotus for you, the Buddha to be."

You show respect to the other person and offer him or her a lotus (the gesture with your hands). In addition, you invite the other person to show the uniqueness of him- or herself. All you have to do is to be, more do not have to share. Be yourself and sustain. The world around is only waiting for that.

In Dutch a kind of the saying: “Just do normal, that’s crazy enough.” Just show who you really are and do not play games. How different I experienced in the world I lived and work in for many years with all status and position play. And yes, I participated as well and sometimes did the same.

Doing the Wai you show respect to the status of the other. Younger people first greet the elderly.

Someone with a very high status (a monk, the king) you greet not out of the heart but at the height of your forehead (touching with your hands (thumbs) the sixth chakra / third eye).

Children greet their parents with their hands in front of their nose (the organ connected with breathing / life). They thereby show respect to their parents because their parents gave them the air to breath.

Schoolchildren and students greet their teachers with the Wai in front of their mouths. This respect (in my opinion in the West and certainly in secondary schools almost impossible still to find) is significant; "We have learned in every situation to keep our mouth shut first. The teacher is here to teach us something. You should first listen to understand”. Something, moreover, that does not mean that you as a student always have to keep your mouth shut. That you have to take everything as told or explained. It invites you first to be patient. To listen first. So if you discover afterwards you can submit something with respect you ask for further explanation or add something so everybody can learn and/or grow even more.

Connecting, showing respect and inviting other people to just be yourself. Be nice, share your uniqueness. That’s the only quest.  For me a warm(er) experience.

Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com

Your world of possibilities and opportunities is much bigger than you think.

Every time for me it’s a wonderful experience when our guests discover they have a world of possibilities and opportunities to get flow in life again. It’s just taking the time to get this insight.

We live in an incredibly busy world. Actually we make ourselves busy and everybody thinks this is normal because everybody is doing busy. The pace of life is often wild, our minds are always busy, and we’re always doing something. A study from the Buddhist University shows that, in general, our minds are nearly 50 percent (50% of our lifetime) lost in thoughts. This mind-wandering helps us suffering and mind-wondering actually destroys our feeling of happiness and causes stress. Happiness you can see as peace of mind. The mind not at all is at peace. And because we want to be always and with everything connected, without even being aware, we raise this percentage more and more. Actually running away from ourselves not giving our mind a single second of attention.

Our programming and busy-ness keeps us away from contemplating on our self. And because we are stuck in our ideas, our view, our truth, a lot of times we do not see any solution or possibility to get flow in our lives again or to solve problems in private life or business life.

Everything you give attention grows. Your programming in the past, your lifestyle (see it as the way you respond to situations), is always helping you to label, to judge, to cling on your ideas, your truth. Even if other people are willing to be available for you, you start a debate because they see things different than you and that’s not what you want. So it takes you a lot of effort (thinking again) how to change your outside world to feel more happy. Possibly you buy something new for you to make yourself (temporary) happy, you drink some alcohol or take a sigaret. But this is not a sustainable solution.

We are always doing, going on mind-wondering, always running. Even running away for ourselves. We are not even aware, in my opinion are not even willing, to take the time to discover the huge field of opportunities and possibilities that are waiting for us.

When did you take ten minutes time to do nothing? Undisturbed nothing? A state of ‘nothing to attain’. No texting, no music, radio or TV, no reading, no speaking, no eating, no e-mailing, no internet? Not even mind-wondering about the past or the future? When did you give your mind time to relax. To guard your mind? Actually to take real “I-time”? Simply being available experiencing the here and now for instance in nature.

Our mind is our main and most valuable resource through which we experience living moment to moment. We always rely upon it. It is always available to help us to stay safe and to survive. It helps us to adapt to every situation we are entering or are in. You can see it as the main computer. We take care of our physical body but how much time a day do you spend on and with only your mind?

Because of our mind we focus on situations we are in. Our programming helps us to focus and focus is attention. Most of the times clinging attention. In this attention we even want to find creativity to get flow in our life again.

As shown in the drawing aside this focused attention only helps us to see a part of the truth, a part of accessible solutions a part of the available possibilities, a part of the truth. Going on being more and more busy, focusing on a solution and not at all giving ten minutes a day time to our mind does not help us.

You can skip working hard to change the world around you. You can stop clinging on your desires and suffering about how to reach your goals. Not before but behind the camera is more sun shining. The only thing you need to do is to stop, to do nothing and give the camera a chance to turn 360°. To be able to see and be aware of the 360°panorama where you are in. Just doing nothing and taking distance to observe without judging.

That's a strange feeling in this busy world. What should other people think about you? Let other people think! Did you ever asked them if your thoughts of what you think they think are right? It’s the same of being anxious about the feeling of getting anxious. You only reinforce a ‘story line’ from the past.

Ten minutes a day doing nothing. Freeing your scoop on the problems you need to solve. It will change your life and, after some exercise, offers you at least one hour a day of opportunities an possibilities already waiting for you to get new flow in life, love, family, business, career and work.

Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com

Status, position, successful? Often a temporary ‘hot air’ show.

Many people have the idea that they are not good at anything, that they are not able to be as successful as other people. They cannot be and feel happy; they envy the accomplishments and social standing of others while regarding themselves as failures if they do not have the same level of worldly success. They are suffering of an inferiority complex, from low self-esteem. They do not see the unique very good seeds they already have in themselves. And not knowing them they cannot develop them. They are only looking and striving for more, for being better. Actually for making themselves different than they really are.

First of all, if you make a mistake you are not a failure. You are learning. And about success… lots of time it is just an outside show. More and more I get this understanding working with many international successful people (on the outside).

It is just an illusion to think you are worthless. You are superior! Everybody is superior because you are unique. There is only one you of you and this you of you has the possibility, actually it’s the quest of your life, to grow and serve with the potential you have inside. NOT with other things and NOT in a way your environment tells you to do, but to fill the gap the world is waiting for. For you! Only to use your unique sets of talents and share them with the world. Doing this does not even feel as working. It is flow. You have already the master inside. Just show your superiority and use it being yourself.

We look at social status, positions and success of other people but do not even know what’s going on in this people’s live, what’s their underwater profile. Lots of times it is just a temporary ‘hot air’ show. In my life so far I have seen enough and I discover more and more it is a fake show in relation to, again temporary, power. I even knew people / managers who gave themselves a ‘higher’ social status by the amount of employees they had in relation to other directors. Some people gave them selves a higher status out of fear (narcissism) or in their way of ruling (Machiavelli).

Social status can be determined by your own achievements. Actually in the best and engaged way to show, work with and serve with your unique available talent-DNA. In this way is shows respect by others. This has nothing to do with being successful but with being yourself.

The other way is getting status by being placed in a position. That does not say that you already, or ever will get, respect. You have to earn it.

A last way of getting status is being placed in the stratification system by your inherited position (ascribed status). Like for example our King Willem Alexander of The Netherlands and our King Bhumibol of Thailand who both, because of their acting and connection with people and country, receive great respect. They are not working to get this respect. They are (or at least in the circumstances they are in) try to be their selves.

Status, position and success are all temporary. And when you are really hard working to be better and more successful than others there is never an end. There is always somebody else who is ‘better’. You will never come to an end. And the saddest part of all, you forget to give real attention to your own seeds. To water them so the master can be visible and touchable.

Many people who look successful show it in material things. A bigger house (more mortgage to pay and have to work harder), a higher ‘status’ brand of car (to help the outside world you are really happy and successful), designer cloths, even plastic / cosmetic / aesthetic surgery. And getting more and more successful there is less and less time to keep the life – work balance. And having the status at a certain moment you even need camera systems to guard your properties or sometimes even private guard. Discovering your success actually kidnapped your freedom and put you in a jail of stress, publicity, not being able to be your true self anymore.

And people who feel inferior think this is success. This is something to go for? This is the goal to be (un)happy?

When people having status resign in most cases immediately their status and power is gone. Actually this shows it is not a personal thing and status is temporary. The real personal thing, that does not fade away, is if respect from other people remains even without their position.

We are always busy getting ‘better’ than others. Because of this we miss ourselves and we miss living life a lot.

“The tragedy of life is not so much about what men suffer but what they miss.”

Thomas Carlyle (1795 – 1881)

Do not compare yourself with others who look to be more happy or successful. If you look more deeply within and get in touch with the wholesome seeds in you, you will be able to overcome your feelings of unworthiness and manifest your true nature. Your true master.

Are you doing the right thing? Do not waste your lifetime. How many more years are you are going to live to? Just be your natural self. Do not believe the ‘hot air’ show of status, position and success of others. 

And maybe a last additional thought. My mother used to say: "We are all the same. Everybody need to go to the toilet and maybe the people with 'status' use even cheaper toilet paper than you. And everybody has to take a shower and being naked be aware you are most of the time much more beautiful than the person you think is 'better'. So be yourself and be happy with that." 

Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com

How to find your ‘Self’? A wonderful reflection expedition.

Recently I worked with a guest on the theme; “Looking for your Self”. What is this ‘Self’? Actually an important question. Many people are on the search to find their ‘Self’. Be aware this is not a one-time deal. It’s a life time ongoing wonderful practice.

Every morning before we go to work, before we go to school or wherever we want to go, most people look at the mirror. They brush their teeth and of course, maybe not even really aware, they look at the mirror. When we look at the mirror we look at … our Self!

‘Self’ we can find in many words. Myself, himself, herself, themselves. Some people call this self the EGO. Some people call it the habitual mind. Because you tend to think habitually in a certain way. Or some people call it the “ego-mind”. Not the real mind it’s the ego-mind, the egoistic mind.

Buddhism says in several Sutra’s the Self is the five aggregates. The five aggregates are:

• Body / material form
• Conception / Sensation / feeling
• Perception
• Volition / Will / Desire / Mental Formation and
• Consciousness

The five aggregates are our burden, they cause suffering, because we are clinging to them, but at the same time they provide us with the indispensable soil of wisdom. To bring suffering to an end we have to turn our attention around and see into the nature of the aggregates.

Body is body (skin, skeleton, internal organs, etc.)

Conception, Perception, Volition and Consciousness is the spiritual part of it. Is the mind.

So the “Self” is a combination of Body and Mind.

Who are we? What is the self? It’s our personal unique combination of body and mind. That includes everything. Your physical body, the material part of it, the molecules, the body cells. But other than the material part there is also the spiritual part. That’s your perception, your conception, your volition, your consciousness.

The spiritual part of the self is an important concept. Some people see it as connection with the ongoing (cycle of Samsara) soul.

Do you understand yourself? Can you control yourself?

If people say they can control themselves, how can they become mad? How can they become jealous? How can they become greedy? How can they commit crime? How can they hurt other people or animals? How can they torture animals or human beings?

Everything becomes so personal around us when we grab / cling onto the Self. By not letting go of it our suffering, anger, all our imagined shortcomings, jealousy, hatred, anxiety, doubt, egoistic feelings, your obstinacy, etc., arise.

These things in our daily lives torture us. You blame somebody else for it. Your brothers and sisters, your parents, your friends, your colleagues, your work. You blame the society but not yourself. You never blame yourself.

We take our thoughts, emotions and experiences so personally that the Self has become the underlying attachment to all things. Whether they are material or spiritual. We are attached to a strong element of Self in everything we think.

Everything about Me, Mine, I. In daily communication the word that is used the most is “I”, “Mine”, “Me”. This “I”, “Mine”, “Me”, is all egoistic. Will I gain? Will I lose? Is it fair for me? Is it good for me? This is mine. I have the right. I have my privacy.

You always try to cherish and protect yourself.

This constant attempt to satisfy the Self makes us very vulnerable. This vulnerable Self always require a wall of protection and the gathering of energy to sustain that protection. As a result we are increasingly fearful of losing things and increasingly uncertain that if things will not work out our way. We have anxiety. “When I finish university will I get a job?”,  “If I get married, will I get a divorce?”, “Now I am married will I get a broken home?”. All this anxieties, all this vulnerability, that’s suffering. They torture us. Why? The Buddha unfolded that to us more than 2500 years ago.

He teaches us to look at our Self. To the situation we are in. Learning to know yourself we call it Self-reflection. It takes courage and wisdom to live the mystery of the Self and go beyond it to see who we actually are. To reduce the Ego and to make room to contemplate on the truth. This self-reflection we call meditation. So this self-reflection allows us to an attitude to let go of attaching to the Ego and look at it without judgment and deception/dishonesty. 

So we need to look for the Self. To look beyond the Self. But the irony is that when you start to look for the Self you cannot find it! You cannot tell or show where your Self is, like you cannot show the place where your soul is. But as everybody knows when a person passed away the body stays and the soul is gone…

Can you find your Self? Is it a color? Is it a shape? Is it a triangle? Is it a rectangle? Where is your Self? When you look for the Self… where is it? When you look for it your response will be… “I can’t find it!”

It’s an irony, it’s like a ghost. It’s like a ghost that dominates your house. You cannot find the ghost. But your house is tidy and neat…So it must be possible to find it. But you can’t find the ghost. That ghost is hunting you. That ghost of egoism. That ghost of the polluted Self. It’s hunting you and you do not know about it.

Usually when we meditate we meditate sometimes on questions and contemplate on it. Questions like “Who is meditating?”, “Who is chanting?”, “Who am I before I am born?”, “What is real in all the changes I am in?”, “Is there anything constant, that does not change when you change your circumstances you are in? Your weight, skin color, height, country of origin, job? What is the unchanging in it?”

We use these kind of questions, as techniques, to start to look for the Self. To try to understand the Self.

But the Self is not real. It’s just an emotional attachment. It’s greediness, anxiety, fear, depression, ignorance. They are not substantial / significant, they are insubstantial / weak. They all arise and interact with the outside world. When we meditate we can actually see through this seemingly solid Self. But what are we left with after meditation? We are left with an opening intelligent awareness.

When we look at the Self; “Who am I?” What we got left with is this awareness. In other words we know that there is a Self but that Self cannot be found. That Self has been responsible for all that you have done so far.

You want to solve that ‘problem’ of your Self? You look at that. If you want to solve the ‘problem’ you have to look deeply at the root of the problem.

You want to know why people kill, why people steal, why people commit sexual misconduct, why people smoke, why people drink intoxicants?

Don’t look at the superficial actions that they do. You look of the why they do it. Look for the cause, the source.

You go to the deeper. How do I change that? How can I get rid of this clinging? Because I do not want a life wasting my time and energy to go on making myself any longer vulnerable, anxious, fearful, suffering and torturing.

Reflect on your Self and free your Self. The basic condition of happiness.

(credits: Buddhist University Wat Suan Dok, The International Buddhist Temple, The Manual of Peace)    

Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com

The limitation of the truth by our eighth sense.

A personal discovery to share.

To connect with the outside world we got our five main senses (watching, listening, smelling, tasting and touching). You can see them as your salesmen. Without even asking them they bring you, wanted or unwanted, information about the world around. Marketing (cultivating desires) a lot of times in a tricky and 'creative' way make use of them.

We can use this five senses to be (more) aware of the so called ‘present moment’, the here and now. And when you use your energy to be 100% present you can call that being mindful.

What I learned out of Buddhism is there are more than this five senses everybody knows. If we see our manifestation as ‘a company’ it makes it easier to explain and understand the three more senses who actually are of great influence to the way we respond to our outside world.

The sixth sense is our mind. You can see it as the General Manager of our existence. The mind is always available for us to help us so that nothing can go wrong. Without even knowing the mind is always present to help us to stay safe and to survive in any situation where we and up.

The seventh sense is our Ego. The director(s) of our company. There is nothing wrong with having an ego (sometimes it can be a sad experience to see how some people behave with their ego). Without an ego we cannot even exist. Our ego helps us to be part of and connect as the one we are with our environment and with other people.

Lots of people show up as different ‘directors’ in different situations. Plenty of times their acting behavior is related to their role or task. Often you hear that a person acts and reacts different at the workplace then at home or being together with friends. This actually shows that the ego is playing a game not to show who a person really is. You only have one personality but are able to show up in different situations in a different way by using your ego. So the person a lot of times is only acting in relation to his/her role or circumstances he or she is in. Sometimes I ask myself why people talk about a private life and a work life. Doesn’t both have to do with living life? Why is it necessary to show up different or to act as another person you really (authentic) are. Using our ego to express a higher status to other people can be a disgusting show. Narcissists even use their ego to fulfill their need for admiration to protect themselves against personal fear in lack of self-esteem.

The eight sense (shown as the laptop in the picture on top) is formed by our stakeholders. They formed our programming and are stored in our unconsciousness. The influences of our parents and ancestors, masters in life, culture, environment, religion and life experiences. We learned to live with it and they formed the base for our judging and labeling. Unaware we give this things attention and everything you give attention grows. So automatically we deal with this influences to scan all the situations we are in and to connect with the outside world giving us an idea of what is good or what is wrong (for us). Our eighth sense is helping us to judge and to label and so to form our truth. Not being open and willing to accept that your truth is true but the truth is much bigger than only your truth. 

Many years I worked in a political environment. An environment of debate and convincing or at least trying to reach a compromise. But there is no compromise, there is only a bigger truth. It's very hard working, sometimes even a fight, to change your outside world to your expectations. 

To feel more comfortable in the world around, it is not necessary to change the outside world. This can be a hard job to do with harmful effects.

It’s easier to take the time to look deeply into the situation we are in. To ask ourselves what is the source of not feeling comfortable or connected. We will find this has a lot to do with our programming, our eighth sense. We can ask ourselves if this source in programming is still serving us in the situation we are in or, if not, if we can change or skip this part of our programming. It’s much easier to change ourselves than our environment.

Be aware we have a deeper connection with our outside world than you maybe ever thought. 

Do not let your programming make yourself unwilling to discover your truth is true but the truth much bigger. What an enlightenment ;)!


Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com

About work-life balance. Learn to manage (and balance) your own life first before you start managing.

Already over 10 years ago I got the opportunity to participate in the course: "Personally functional leadership". An experience that has made a significant contribution to the fact I now live and work in Thailand and totally changed my life and life style. It offered me lots of insights. One of them was that - despite all my degrees, my management experience, the great responsibility that I wore in managing our organization and in international crisis and disaster management and relief - I could hardly manage my own life properly. A lack of work-life balance and the discovery that private life is hardly to “manage” with the use of learned “work-management tools”. You need different ‘skills’. Actually (even more) authentic natural personal connection and the art of listening in family relationship.

Two weeks ago, after my first morning class, there was a young woman from the Czech Republic who joined me on my walk back to my house. She had a personal question. For a period of time already she had a relationship with her, now 38 years old, boyfriend. It worked out he used to work day and night for the company. On weekends, when the firm he worked for was closed, he did not feel really at ease ... and so… went to work. She called him a workaholic and felt that their relationship was at stake. Because in his opinion he did not have - or would not take - the time to go on vacation together, work after all called him as priority, she finally had decided to award herself with her personal gift to take “me-time” for a week and to stay at our ‘purifying body and mind resort’. But still, she did not really feel comfortable with her decision and the situation she was in, otherwise this theme was not bothering her during her holidays.

She asked me, because she knew a little bit of my background, if I had loved my previous work. Whether it gave me energy, and if I had fun in doing the things I did that time.

I wholeheartedly admitted. I added to this that I still feel passion, engagement and inspiration for that job and that there are things going on in my former organization now that still hurt me a lot.

She went on questioning why I resigned or quit with my job, still giving me a lot of satisfaction, and what this decision did to me. She invited me to give her some tips and/or tricks. Perhaps she could help her boyfriend with them. She wanted to get some tools to help her strengthen their relationship or at least give more work – life balance for him.

I explained to her that she actually, in my opinion, could hardly help her boyfriend with this issue. He had to find out himself. The age of 38 is a perfect age (mid-life crisis) to do. The natural moment in life you start dealing with the question: “What is my life all about?”

It is a natural process after studying people start their careers. In it, there are many who go for reaching “the top” (now I understand this cost you a lot of effort and energy and over and over again you will discover, being “on top”, a new “top” arises. There is no end. Reaching “the top” is an ego driven matter actually not satisfying at the long run. Often leaving a trail of destruction in your personal and family life behind.  
Be aware you are already at the top if you learn to LIVE life. There is nothing to attain. When you really live life every day you reach a destination. Hold there, turn around, be proud of yourself (reaching the top of today), breath in and breath out, what did you learn? Today is the day to make the next first step on the path called living. You do not encounter yourself on the way to the top, but - most of the time in a very hard and confronting way - on your way to the valley. 

Questions or comments like; "What are you living for?", "What is the purpose of your life?", "Do you live to work or do you work to live?", "Who are you?", "What inspires you in life?" "What would you do if you even have to live for three more months?" are questions that do not plop up in most people’s mind in this season of their lives and career.

And in this situation and period of career life, maybe it sounds crazy or sad, we mainly only stick on all kind of problems we think we need to solve, and that devour our energy. We barely have sight, no, we hardly award ourselves time, to enjoy all those freely available things (the many wonders of life) that give energy to us. And yes, in many cases, this causes suffering in our personal/family love and relationship. If children are born, so a family life really starts, positions in the pyramid of unconditional love change. Children immediately are on top. If responsibilities in work getting more, big chance this also takes its toll in the personal / family / love relationship.

I married my work and my already for many years ex-wife.
In my personal life, for example, the over-commitment and availability for my work, and a period in the nineties of insecurity - to attempted kidnapping and threats to our home address -, are certainly to blame for my marriage broke up.

Work – Life balance faded further and further away. And to be honest maybe work also increasingly offered the opportunity to escape myself. A kind of fear to come home to myself, to listen to my real inner voice, not the voices in my head (I thought they were mine) from parents, ancestors, relationships, masters in my life. Voices in relation to my programming.
I married the fire-brigade, my work, and showed it the day of our marriage. That time it looked fun but we married in an old and famous fire-truck. Thinking about this now it already showed the seed for a disturbed work - life balance was there. 

In other words, wake up, something goes wrong! But I, Frans Captijn as a member of the Captijn family, would just show the world that I had everything under control. So… no way. This thought and the related actions were a big mistake. Grateful and thankful I got a second chance getting my traffic accident in the Dutch Westerschelde tunnel (a friend reminded me 'the deepest spot in the Netherlands') to discover I had a huge burn-out. Why always waiting for this kind of experiences??? Do not take life (or second chances) for granted!

It's all happening in our minds.

Now I have been given the insight that I only thought I did a great merit by my commitment, and that I was actually indispensable. What I did not see was I excessively consumed my inner energy without sufficient recharging. My living and working habitat (missing grant factors and underwater profiles/different agendas) had great impact on this energy draining. And yes, my ego played tricks with me.

The words of my father: "If you are part of the Captijn family, remember this. When we start with something we finish it". Right! A great quote. I just did not realize that several times I was already finished. One of my strengths is I am good at executing change. After that change other type of people were needed. But I did not recognize this at that moment. I knew my passion but did not know enough my mission. I did not let go.

I was not essential or indispensable. Except for just my relationship, my family and a number of dear friends they were true. After all I nearly lost them all! Wake up!

Too many beautiful things slipped away. Just because my behavior of being too much connected with work. I did not take time for example to see the balance in nature.All this things always were there for me but I did not, no, did not take the time to see that what I was doing / ruining only was driven by my thoughts and ego. And exactly this makes me even more grateful for my life (style) change here in Thailand.

We are (make ourselves) so busy that we hardly take time for the people who love us, or even to think about ourselves. Our society is so organized that if we want to take that time, immediately we get an offer by i-phone helping us NOT to do it. To go on with the steady ‘feed’ of information of the outside world. There are many ways we can escape ourselves….

We cannot manage our own lives and starting to do that is the first step. Before any career or before any position we want to share what we have on the inside.

Participants in our programs are urged to give a rest to their mobile phone and other supporting media equipment and/or devices throughout our programs. In the majority of cases, first this is shown to be a huge task. What about mastering your own life sometimes I ask myself? So far in all cases it worked out to be a wonderful experience afterwards. It re-claims conversation and personally connection.

Our life is too much filled with suffering or worrying about all sorts of problems we (a lot of time only) think it is our task to solve. We lack the idea much amazing free miracles are available for us.

The choice to leave that matter or to give it attention is finding the balance. Balance is movement. This movement is consuming energy but also giving energy.

Your choice to stay in and constantly face the “workaholic mode”? No problem. At an unexpected moment your body takes over the ruling of your life. You “only’ create some new (mental and physical) problems to manage. Hospitals, doctors and psychologists enough who are willing to receive the money you “earned” for them…

You better hope, like me, you afterwards get a chance to find out that there is only one goal in life and that is LIVING. Do not wait too long…

And in relation to the young Czech woman? I praise her she had the guts to choose her own health and balance, and to manage her own life. What's it worth living? If you do not take care of yourself first, and that’s not an egoistic thought, you cannot be there for 100% for the world around you. For yourself, your relationships, your family, your environment, your career and your work.

Start managing your life first, find the right work – life balance. Stop your general excuses. They are only in your head. It’s just a matter of choice. 

(picture I took from a picture at the 6th floor corridor of the Fusionsuites hotel Saigon, Vietnam, September 10 2016)

Frans Captijn

Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com