Mid-January,
I was approached by the Dutch ‘Barneveld newspaper’. In the 1990s I lived and
worked in Barneveld-NL for over 8 years. It really was a very nice, nearly two
hours lasting, interview for their weekend column "Greetings from".
Published last January 25.
It was a
moment of looking back and looking ahead from the present moment. And after I
read the publication many things came up again.
One thing
that came up after reading was that, as doctors had already told me, I would
never totally get rid of my burn-out symptoms. And now, ten years after they
discovered my severe burn-out, I can fully confirm that. That weak spot remains
and you just have to touch it, so to speak, and immediately the feelings and
symptoms are back again. Terrible tiredness and listlessness and also a form of
headache or flu feeling come back behind my eyes. It feels like all energy is
suddenly pouring out of my body and I can hardly do anything about it.
Now I
have learned quite well in recent years to deal with it and to recover quickly,
but... it still happens to me now and then and at that moment I should better
stop doing what I was doing because it’s waste of effort literally nothing
comes out of my hands.
My
weakness is my allergy. Actually I have to say my two allergies. From the age
of 16 I have really seen every specialist, homeopath, pharmacy, doctor,
acupuncturist or more in relation to my pollen allergy (hay fever).
The other
allergy that actually only became visible to me after the detection of my burnout
in 2010 is my sensitivity to energy. Call it negative-energy sensitivity allergy.
It really
burns me down.
What do
you have to think about?
To
mention something: Environmental energy (literally the resonance of the energy
of the environment where I am to me), complaining and nagging people,
opposition, lack of a grant factor, commitments that are not being met
(negligence), non-compliance with financial obligations, political and
administrative games, gossip and back slap, (un) honesty, being abused, mightiness,
and I can go on and on.
And the
crazy thing about everything is that now that I am older and I have had quite a
few experiences, I have seen faster and more often the patterns that lie
beneath (nothing is new and nothing is hidden forever). This has the advantage
of being able to anticipate earlier. The disadvantage is that I am confronted
with it more quickly and more often in an initial phase.
And how
do you deal with allergies? You must understand that an allergy has a cause and
an effect. For too long I have been working on effect control. That seems nice,
but it consumes energy (and I don't have it, so that makes it even worse). A medicine
against the headache? Not my thing. Better something that helps in a natural
and sustainable way.
It is really
better to work on that cause (as far as that is of course possible and in your
own capacities). And yes, with that you separate yourself or at least take
distance from what is happening around you. A pity, but it is (not selfish) all
to stay in a good condition and health.
That
interview for the newspaper made it very clear to me what I have already done
about that ‘source control’. And actually, that is also the answer to questions
that I regularly get why I live "differently". It is for my own
protection and heath.
To also
mention something about this.
I have
not been following news on TV and in newspapers for years. And of course, I
still get some shreds. But all the news for me is literally old and it is 95%
negative. I can't do anything with it or about it. For me, "social"
media is to a large extent fake, and when I hear how "social" it is
and see the behavior of people around it, it does not create a connection
between people, but rather distance, for me. In addition, it are continuously
addictive disturbances in what you actually want or need to do. My group of friends
is getting smaller and my birthday calendar (I still have it on paper because I
don't have an i-Phone or tablet) emptier. And yes, that of course also has to
do with me. If there is no existing contact for a long time anymore with people
I once had as ‘friends’ or groups I once belonged to they leave that calendar
or list. And yes, of course I will
respond when I receive a message. And groups, also here in Thailand, that cost
me more energy than I get back, I thank and leave. It's like pollen. I better
stay away from it in the season.
Read my
mail on average twice a week. Daily yoga and meditation. And perhaps the best
of everything, say more "No". Who is actually the manager about my
life? Yes, for me there is one Big Boss and after that I can still be the
manager about that life that I got. Deploy and share my talents where it keeps
me in good health.
Does that
make you lonely? I think it is not too bad because I intensively enjoy those
things that give me energy, and there are many of them.
And still
I occasionally forget it and I still have that burn-out feeling again. Another
lesson to listen better and respond earlier to the signals my body gives.
What I
do, and what is sometimes misunderstood, is self-protection to be the best for
myself and therefore for those dear to me and / or who can use my personality,
talents and gifts well.
You will
never get rid of a burnout ... So try not to get one…
Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)
email: captijninsight@gmail.com
Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.
