Last week I got an email from a for me so far
stranger. A young Dutch woman. She had a personal question in response to a
message that I posted on a Dutch Facebook page with stories and tips about
visiting Thailand. Her question inspired me for my this week’s blog.
We are born in a world full of expectations, rules,
competition, expertise, power and reputation. Two weeks ago I was in a shopping
mall in Chiang Mai, Thailand, to buy a present for my girlfriend. Suddenly I
heard all kind of encouraging screams of vengeance. Let's see what’s going on
there plopped up in my mind. So I did. Believe it or not... A baby race! The
photo in this blog takes you a little bit in the scene. Yelling parents
‘supporting’ and ‘encouraging’ their babies, raised in stabilized carts with
small wheels, in most unique ways to be the best and to become the winner.
Things can be…
It crossed my mind that this actually already shows
the start of our unlearning an authentic life. And in every culture basically
it’s the same. You especially have to try to be the best and run your future.
And what you achieve you need to show the outside world. You show your
possessions, your trophies. Post beautiful pictures and story’s about how happy
you are on social media. You act according to the rules and standards set by
others in our society. You try to fulfill expectations that other people
possibly could have of you.
Many of these rules and standards, otherwise, we
created as a kind of illusions only in our heads. Many of us miss the courage
to deviate from them and so do not fit into the so-called 'perfect social picture',
what that picture even may be. You adapted to them ... step by step not even
aware of the shortcomings in living life you possibly offer yourself. And at
some stage in life, often because you realize you run out of time, you start
asking yourself what was actually the value of my life. What did I made of it.
Whether you have lived the life that you really wanted and appreciated YOURSELF.
Yes you matched with the picture what others of ‘ideal life’ showed you. You might
even honor and held high the family pride. And indeed you can ask if asking
yourself these kind of questions, particularly in Western culture isn’t a luxury status or
position. My parents for example were not able and did not even think about
asking themselves this kind of questions. They saw everything as their duty and
responsibility. It was a different time.
Who am I? What do I really want or desire? What is the
purpose of my life being here now? What makes me happy, gives me peace of mind?
Isn’t it first my duty to take responsibility for myself, for my own life, instead
of contributing others? What would I like to do if money was no object? What
choice would I make in this situation if I knew I had only a few more months to
live? What does my source of inner silence, stillness, learn me instead of my
intuition, my heart and / or the voices in my head?
Have you ever thought about the idea that those voices
in your head are not at all your voices? These are the voices that come for
example from our system, our parents, ancestors, teachers/masters in our lives,
our environment, culture and religion. And yes, generally, all out of the best
intentions. Also out of a limited view of truth, as part of a much bigger
truth. That kind of voices often help you to set course to directions in life
that, afterwards turn out not to be your authentic wanted way.
Looking deeply on your inside, connecting with this
inner silence, passion and mission, often offers you other insights. It’s just
a matter to have the guts to follow them…
Many relatives and friends do not understand my
support of the choices of my children to discover the adventure of life.
Actually to have and follow damn little more goals to explore living life. To sometimes
stand still, look back, be proud of what you already achieved, learn from mistakes
(as something to learn), every time stand up one more time than to fall down,
and find out that life cannot go wrong. For me they do not have to be house
owners with heavy mortgage burdens on
their shoulders, a bright shining new car in part-payment, a happy relationship
to show they are not lonely, status and position in their jobs, and whatever
else. Daddy, so I, had it all and showed them all.
Now, ask them yourself if you do not believe, they meet a father who LIVE life in a
different way. And yes, I am thankful and grateful for my past as well. I am
not suffering of a kind of homesickness. It gives me a mirror and background so
I can compare. Not as a romantic thing but just to observe a different life
style, a different approach, a different way to respond to situations that
happen in my life, and it makes me so much more happy. A feeling of being free.
I dropped the gold from my cap and shoulders, am even more playful and so much
more connected with being open to widen my view and truth. A more common and
blissful Frans. And it’s that what makes it so appealing for my children and my
girlfriend. They do not just only see, even more they feel.
Where do you want to go for? What’s your goal of
living. For a white-picket fence – a settled life - & rat race or exploring
the adventure of living your authentic life. And just be aware, I am not
telling you one choice is better than the other. It’s just a choice. It’s just
a matter of taking sometimes the time for yourself to reflect, connect deeply,
and make the right choice for yourself. Better to do it now and respond to that
inner real calling (even if you think possibly you will hurt other people with
it) than to find out later (or too late) you did not even explore other
possibilities or even live them. Simply do not get regrets…
Let it be a conscious decision by YOURSELF and not by the
voices in your head or your heart, created by others. Free the child in you and
listen more to it. Be creative and laugh about all your general excuses your
mind automatically create for you. Do you want to dream your life or respond to
the inner call out of silence to live your dream?
And what about that crying "looser" baby on
track 3 in terms of the picture? It would not surprise me if at the second part
of his life he/she laughs the most because it turned out in fact he/she was in
the Chiang Mai Shopping mall at Sunday March 26th 2017/2560 already
at a very young age the real winner of life. Whatever other people and even
parents think of it now…
Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.”
Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight
Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.”
captijninsight@gmail.com
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