Friday, June 12, 2015

The feeling of coming home...

The last period of time a lot is going on with me. A feeling I already expected for a long time but it did not come. Slowly something begins to break free but still it is not bright. A kind of excitement in resignation. And just last Friday morning, on the birthday of my mother, a part of my furniture out of The Netherlands arrived here with a truck. This arrival opened the resignation and caused a sense of surrender. For me it has to do with a feeling of coming home.

June 2010 my (Dutch) book; "Search for personal mastery" appeared. For a time I doubted if I would also take in an attachment in it. This annex is about the search in and of my life until the time when the book arrived. I choose to keep it private and not to add the annex. Because it is in Dutch, I sometimes send it to clients out of The Netherlands if they are interested. Just a piece of background about me when they submit their brief autobiography to me.

The week before the arrival of my household I searched for this document because I remembered I wrote something in it about this coming home. Happily I found it in my dropbox. When I started reading I felt all kind of emotions. A good sign because for me it means real connection. I quote here some text about that feeling of coming home that I experienced in the year 2000 in an fantastic way. It offered me insight in that what’s going on with me now

"Asia is, without any previously conscious awareness,  in a lethal way always was already part in my blood. When I'm in Hua hin, in Viet Nam walking through the streets as a bare giant, suddenly someone called me into her house. I do not speak, write or understand Vietnamese language. For the first time I deeply experience that communication has much more to do with connection than with talk. It was not necessary for me to speak at all. Maybe not talking made the connection with the people around me even much closer.  
I had to bow down to enter a small door that gave space to a room. A dark space but, after a little while because of some natural light that enters through a gap in the roof, it’s also bright and light. Several black & white family portraits hanging on the wall, against the edge of the roof.
I was invited to sit down on the ground between the family members of the house. An old woman, I presume the Lady of the House, next to me. I am HOME.

I know all this family members and I recognize all the people on the pictures. An amazing experience. I feel a giant stream of warm sincere and blissful energy. It ís family. I am very emotional, there is an atmosphere that it is accepted and totally natural. I don't have to be ashamed of it. It creates a bond.
I drink a cup of tea and walk through the house to the back yard. A balcony above a small brook passing a little bit deeper underneath. My playpen has been there, I know it for sure. It feels simply all perfect.

It took me the whole afternoon, staying and sitting in the next door temple to deal with this feeling. The feeling of coming home.

Not so much associated only with that specific house, so I discovered. The culture, the environment, the atmosphere, the air, the smile of people, sincerity, being yourself.  An at the same time at home within yourself. Feeling warm, opening up, and automatically in a position of  sharing.
The year 2000 is the trigger for me to South Asia. A trigger, again and again, periodically reminds me of the real feeling for me of feeling home. Perhaps maybe ever forever ... "

And there you are. Now already for three years. Never thought about the idea that actually pretty shortly after my book came out that signal, my traffic accident because of a blackout driving in the Westerschelde tunnel, brought me finally back home.

The household / goodies from the truck even more gave me back my real feeling of being home. It gave me insight in that what's going on with and in me. An discovery journey in deeper and deeper coming home into myself. 

An experience. 

Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight“Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.”