Friday, July 20, 2018

Your days are full of happiness moments. You only have to see them and pick them up.

Two weeks ago I received an email from an aquintance. He shared an experience with me that during yoga class he had been asked to think during the meditation part of that class about a moment of experienced happiness in the past week or weeks. He told me that nothing had come up in his mind. It made him very sad.

I told him in my reply that our environment and marketing have taught us to believe what and how happiness moments should be. I too many years ago, before my accident and during the long-term process of dealing with my burn-out, did not see happiness any more. The last years I discovered - and now I know -, on a daily base I just passed by this wonderful free gifts and actually was standing on top of them. I learned, driven by my environment and my own thought process and mindset, not to see them anymore.

Happiness does not make our economy happy because you cannot earn money on it. Creating unhappiness feelings make people buy. Out of my recovery process and also because of living here in Thailand I am aware that there are dozens of moments of happiness during a day and it is just a matter of picking them up.

Just to give you an idea of some of those moments of happiness that many times appear during my day?

Waking up in the morning and when I look outside, I sleep with open curtains, the beautiful daily different reflections of the light and sun in the clouds and the sky. The soft and wonderful smile on my girlfriend's tinted face. The wagging tail of my always happy dog when I come downstairs. Ready to jump on the scooter to go to the forest in search of new discoveries such as the beautiful feather we found this morning (see photo). It made me happy. The cheerful fantastic sounds of birds that awaken, night sounds that fade away and the new day sounds that become louder to serve the daytime.

Or the mirror lesson of a 'normal' tree that shows me the seasons of life with being willing to give and receive. Showing the natural cycle of flowering, harvest and especially the necessary rest to support this yearly process. 'Simply' (?) the experience of being able to see, feel and breathe. The sleepy greeting of my neighbor who gives our street dog and her cats food in the morning. The waving school children in their van on their way to school. The rice farmer, up to his knees in the mud in the field, raising his arm to say good morning from a distance to me seeing me with my dog ​​on the scooter in the early morning. Singing in the church. The joyful reaction to a given small tip after the refueling of my scooter by a boy or girl from the Caltex petrol station. The kindly and with a big swing opened glass door of the Krungsri bank by the guard and his playful 'Good to see you again' with a big smile. The man who is always on the corner at the traffic light in front of his 'Silly Pietje' shop always saying something friendly when I have to stop in front of the traffic light. The almost daily reunion with my two kids on Skype.

An e-mail from a former guest with a sincere ‘thank you’ for listening and / or paying attention to him or her. The weekly 'Hello my good friend' of the ‘chicken selling lady’ on the Friday market. The for Dutch concepts 'crazy' and colorful clothing that I sometimes wear and in which I feel myself. Just being myself without worrying about what others (whoever) might think of it anymore ... I can go on for hours. And ... this kind of happiness does not cost anything at all?

Open your eyes and daily increase your awareness of the free available moments of happiness you are standing on top of. It is just a matter of mindset.

Bad for the economy and so incredibly good for yourself and therefore for all those others you care about as well.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, July 13, 2018

Meditation helps - and gives power - to survive.

There is a lot to learn from the experiences of the trapped 12 young boys and their coach in the Tham Luang cave (Great cave) which nestles in the border town of Mae Sai within Chiang Rai province in the Northern part of Thailand. As a graduated master in Crisis and disaster management this whole search and rescue operation had and still has my full attention.

One of the things, living for over six years in Thailand now and more and more in to Buddhism, meditation, yoga and life- & talent coaching, that got my attention is the servant leadership of the young football coach and the way he made use of his talents and gifts to help the team to survive.

Following the news and background of this only 25 years old boy I discovered he was a monk for many years. In Thailand that is not so special. For every Thai boy it is an honor to his family, and especially to his mom, to be a monk for at least three months before getting married.

This young coach served longer as a monk and so automatically learned and practiced deeply the skills of Samatha and Vipassana meditation.

Why I think this coach showed great ‘servant leadership’ is that he really took care of his team in the first place. Offering his food and water to the boys instead of using it for himself. Showing them ‘survival skills’ and using his meditation skills and talents to help the group to sustain longer in an, under the given conditions, as best as possible physical and mental health and condition.

He offered and guided the group, trapped in the darkness, meditation to calm the body and mind down. To focus and concentrate on a positive outcome, to use Metta (being open to send out and receive loving kindness from love ones outside). And once again, as I wrote in my last week blog, this shows the valuable influence of positive thoughts, intentions and even prayer. Meditation helped to reduce the use of the available amount of oxygen in the small space they had to survive.

Meditation calms body and mind down and keeps you still alert. And with diminishing the use of oxygen he created a longer time-frame for the search and rescue operation to find and rescue them.

Although the rescue operation had its very sad death toll, everybody worked with the best intentions and efforts to save the team and they succeeded. A more than great job, international cooperation and decision making.

And only one out of many of the great lessons of this dangerous operation…Meditation helped offering the power to survive.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, July 6, 2018

The power of positive thoughts and intentions. Miracles exist! My heart beat faster.

Last Monday evening late in Thailand I was waiting until my girlfriend was back home safely after a happy weekend together. Her flight had been delayed because of bad weather conditions and after arrival she had to cope with a queue of over a hundred people waiting for a taxi to her home.

Thailand was and still is under the spell of the 12 missing children and their coach in a cave in Chiang Rai. And certainly because of my background in the world of international crises and disaster management this had (and still has) my attention.
By coincidence, I witnessed on television directly that evening how the news came in that the children and their coach were found safe and alive after nine days. Literally my heart started to beat faster. International cooperation works and miracles exist.

Great to see and really feel the explosion of energy of this discovery by this children, their hoping family members (who are number one in Thai culture), rescue and social workers and the population here in Thailand.

From my father I once learned the power and influence positive thoughts and intentions have. And for me the experiences so far with the children and their coach in the cave in Chiang Rai Thailand are another proof of it.

Positive thoughts, positive intentions, and yes also praying (the power of intentions and often also in combination with sound such as the Japanese doctor and scientist Masuru Emoto with his photos of crystals so 'crystal clear' shows), has a gigantic positive and influence and are even healing in some cases.

And whether or not you believe in a God does not matter that much in relation to it. With your positive thoughts you generate strong positive energy that benefits everyone. The children who are locked up, the emergency workers, the family members and even your neighbors who are engaged with the scene. It really does add power. It supports the process of 'do not give up'. There is hope until you give up. And hope is living.

Omar Reygadas, one of the 33 miners who was trapped underground in the Atacama desert, near CopiapĆ³, (Chile, South America) for 69 days, said faith and prayer, as well as humor, had helped he and his colleagues stay positive while they waited to be rescued.

The best pilots are ashore and we all know better solutions to solve the problems the Thai authorities have to face. Various media give us the evidence about it. Not always out of a positive approach.
And again as sometimes said; ‘It is the tone that makes the music’.

Do the media have any idea of what is happening and under what most bizarre circumstances? The positive so far now is that they are still alive and with our positive intentions and thoughts we support a salvation that hopefully will ensure that they all will come out safe and alive.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, June 29, 2018

I am getting younger by the day and am wonderfully made.

Exactly today I reached the age of 61 years young. Yes, young, and a typical Cancer / Rooster personality.

For several years already I am a Eucharistic Minister at The Sacred Heart Cathedral in Chiang Mai. Since about half a year now also a cantor, singing responsorial psalms, on a regular base.

Last Sunday, so just five days before my birthday, I was serving and singing in the church again. The psalm I was invited to sing said: ‘I praise you, for I am wonderfully made’. Preparing myself for singing this psalm helped me to think about this quote. And actually it came up in my mind I fully agree with that statement.

I am a process and a product of love. Not a single thing is wrong on and with my heart, my mind, my soul and my body. No marketing needed to help me to doubt this lived understanding. So… I am not really good for the economy.
No changes at all need to be made. And although my body, like every other person, is aging… my mind and soul are getting younger by the day. My heart is open to give and receive love and I feel no boundaries for that.

No regrets about the past. Mistakes were and are lessons, not telling me I am a mistake. Living life is a lifetime learning process, like learning to walk. An ongoing process of standing up one more time than falling down to make steps forwards.

Doing Kundalini Awareness Yoga, Meditation and some normal workouts on a daily base help me to feel great and to honor and challenge the temporary temple of my soul, my body. No punishments or special diets. Managing, and also enjoying the pleasures of and in, my life. Being together with my girlfriend, like today, drinking a glass of wine. A beer for instance at the Mae Rim Friday market. Just to enjoy, no overkill.

No, or at least as less as possible, negative influences in my life that bother my mind any longer. Not following the ‘news’ in newspapers, radio and on television. Being satisfied and happy with what I already have and living by the day. No need to get ‘more’ or reach goals. Not disturbed anymore by what I thought people were thinking about me. Publications on the internet, social media, etc.. Just and only being more and more aware of living my purpose and values of life.

A free ‘puppy’ inside (my inner child) being myself and ongoing feeding and keeping young and alive all my talents and gifts from Jester to Shaman.

Actually, I am more than grateful this day again that I understand I am really wonderfully made and getting younger by the day.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, June 22, 2018

What is the 'Power Bank' of your relationship?

Last week in my blog I shortly mentioned that what more and more people nowadays see as their best relationship, their I-phones or tablets, need energy, power. And it is more and more common people have so called ‘power banks’ to keep this ‘relationship’ running. In that blog I asked myself what actually is the ‘power-bank’ of human relationships?

Asking myself that question I planted a kind of seed in my mind to find answers on that question. Not that I am the specialist in that but who knows it can be interesting to share my thoughts and who knows it helps to get insights.

Just a couple of things that came up in my mind:
# Staying ‘All-one’.
Meaning this. All-one is different than alone or lonely. Self-love and attention is the basic key to being all-one. If you do not take care of yourself first how can you be there for 100% for the world around you? And I do not mean in a material way. Self-love has to do with being able to be the manager of your own life. In most cases you are not. Your thoughts are the master and you only follow.

All-one has to do with feeling in optimal and balanced condition of Mind, Emotions, your physical body, the connection with your environment of energy takers and energy givers (causal part) and spiritual (don’t mix that up with religion).

If your self-love is overflowing, you can share that overflowing love with the world around you. And if there is a love connection between partners this is a magnificent energy that is flowing. If there, for whatever reason, is no bond any longer, this does not say that you are out of balance because you always and still are all-one.

# Communication and understanding.
Communication is really an art. Mindful communication learns to listen in a curious way first without immediately judging. Very hard to do and you can learn. The art of communication has nothing to do with our mobile devices. It has everything to do with face-to-face conversation. Being really available for each other.
Understanding is another art. During a meeting for instance we think, if we are telling something in relation to the theme of the meeting, people are listening and trying to understand. Most of the time it is not true. They use the timeframe you are speaking to make up their own story to express immediately after you finished talking. The nice thing is they only think other people are listening so they can and will understand. This is not true. Only one or two ‘key words’ people hear are enough to start their thinking process to make their own story again. So what about listening? Most meetings are just wasting time…
Understanding is the willingness to open yourself to not only to take the time to listen to the story someone is telling. It is listening in the role of curious observer. And if judgmental thoughts come up you can use them as a mirror of your background of knowing only your truth as a part of the truth. Understanding has everything to do with showing respect to discover the bigger truth.

# Cultivating loving kindness
This has everything to do with your basic posture and life-style. For cultivating loving kindness you need to be connected with your heart and must be willing to open your heart to send and receive Metta. Connecting energy. Not being scared to be harmed and with the right intentions to connect and even to heal if necessary.

# Compassion
In compassion you do not take care of but you take care about without upsetting yourself. Actually you stay in the role of observer. Thich Nhat Hanh explains compassion is a verb. Being there to listen, to take care if needed (only showing that you are there / available instead of thinking and without asking starting to act because you think what the other person needs). Compassion is being sensitive and connected but without personal suffering. A doctor, as example, need to show compassion but he does not have to suffer with his patients. If the doctor suffers, he cannot help.

# Joy
If there is no joy in a relationship the relationship is dead. Joy of being together, of being playful and totally yourself and feeling accepted, of exploring each other deeper and deeper. Joy in being creative and happy with each other. A sensual and exciting discovery journey in challenging each other’s minds, hearts, souls and bodies. There is always more to learn and discover unless you let ‘laziness’ take over because what once was your soul mate is not interested anymore…

# Inclusiveness.
Unconditional accepting the other person the way he/she is with his/her whole programming, habits and acting. Not always an easy job I can tell.

Like the power banks for our mobile devices also the ‘powerbanks’ for relationships have many forms, features, connectivity, power requirements and prices…

Invest to find your ‘best product’ for the ‘best price’. You are (both) worth it.  

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, June 15, 2018

Show and be happy with your real face, a selfie mostly is fake

More and more people have their I-phone or tablet as their best friend in life. It seems to be nowadays the most wonderful relationship you can have in your life. Day and night available for you, ‘connecting’ you with the world around and mastering your life. For them is it not even able anymore to stop clinging the addiction of their relationship with their technical devise, or use the ‘switch-off’ button any more. The only thing they need is energy. Marketing offers lots of additional ‘power-banks’ to keep the friendship / relationship running. 

Compare with human relationships that really need other ‘power banks’ but maybe in another blog.

This week I want to share some thoughts about the happiness and gratefulness of the human face and natural smile.

For me it seems there are not so many people anymore, and especially ladies, who are proud to be themselves. Walking here in one of the many shopping malls, opening magazines and watching the most photo shopped and by ‘filters’ changed pictures of faces show me that many people are really afraid to show the beauty they really, authentic and so natural are. 
And do not get me wrong, I certainly love that little finishing touch, but not the paintings people make of themselves. Idiosyncratic works of art behind which they try to hide themselves. What a misery for their partners who meet reality in the evening. Better to turn off the light quickly ... Is there any safety procedure for this to rescue themselves from this?

For a while I had a Thai girlfriend who was really shy to show her face as I discovered after a short while. For the night the day make-up was turned into a really wonderfully made night painting. A real great job because I did not even notice it until I came home a little earlier than planned. A shock for her for me a possible liberation for her because I want to love her the way she really is ... Unfortunately it did not work out this way.

With the introduction of the so called ‘social’ media also a new ‘Selfie culture’ started to grow. People show their happy smiles and believe the world around them think they are totally happy. Playing a mind game with themselves to believe the world around believes that. Everybody else does do so… why not being part of that family or community as well?

A lot of times I stand still, I stop to observe the most wonderful ways, with or without ‘selfie sticks’ how people want to show themselves on the social media. Changing, for a split second their face and their smile in a, for them, not natural way.
It is so much fun to see the face change in the natural position immediately after the press on the button of the phone or connected Selfie-stick.

It brings me more and more fun, and with that I am even supported to keep my natural smile steady.

What a fake world we think other people believe in, not appreciating and honoring the natural beauty all of us got as a most wonderful gift in our lives.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, June 8, 2018

The universe works. You only have to be silent to connect with it.

In my experience and practice, I learned there is more between heaven and earth. And is that woolly or floaty? In any case, not any longer my ‘label’ anymore I many times immediately put on it to condemn it ridiculously to the background.

I notice already my whole life I get over and over and more and more signals from that Universe. Sometimes so strong that some people occasionally became afraid of it. I know the backgrounds of those forces and my children know much about it too.
I even notice that I am regularly used as a kind of channel and several people who have done programs with me got the experience during chats, coaching and exercises. They, as well as I, many times got goose bumps.

And it is only a matter of being silent and to open yourself up to make it happen and/or to listen. Sometimes accompanied or initiated by a ritual. As for example, working with my labyrinths. You can see it as, or compare it with, shamanism. Nothing strange. I am still basically a constructional engineer and fire officer, and I more than strongly rooted with two legs on and into the ground.

For me those forces show that your life can not go wrong at all. That you are not just alone and the only one behind the steer wheel of your life. There are forces that want to work with you, who want to steer with you and are willing to influence you to stay on the for you right track (sometimes not seen by yourself yet). Who even keep an eye on you and protect you or give you better opportunities if something seems to go wrong in only your eyes.

I could write a book from my many experiences. And be sure that many people will say from their programming; "Well, that Frans really totally lost his way being in Thailand for already six years". I like to turn that statement around. I found and find that way more and more;). It is a more than fantastic experience and with it I support flow and insights in other people. Growing by sharing.

Last week again some nice examples. I just want to share only one of them.

In 2010 my (Dutch) book: "Speurtocht naar persoonlijk meesterschap” (Search for personal mastery) was published. In that book I wrote down several quotes from interesting people in my life. Masters in my life for me. Teachers, people I worked with and who brought me meaningful and inspiring things, thoughts and insights. Things that made me think about the deeper meaning of a lot of things in my life, things happening between people and in the world around me.

Last week I received an e-mail from the wife of a pastoral worker (Bernard van Lamoen) from Middelburg (The Netherlands) with whom I did a parishes merging project for a big part of the Catholic community of Zeeland Province.
To my great regret I heard that her husband had died at the end of December last year.

For me this man had a beautiful and gentle deeper wisdom in many areas. And of course that also had to do with his profession. Captivating and binding people.
He once made a wonderful comment about "letting go". I included that wisdom in my book.

His wife, whom I hardly know and only saw for the last time about seven years ago, is still in the natural process of letting go. In her mail she writes me:

"Pondering and walking through my room last week, during a moment of doubt, sorrow and loss, I suddenly stood in front of our bookcase. My attention was drawn to your inconspicuous book. I took the book in my hand and opened it exactly on page 110. There I found what I just needed at that moment.

You quoted:

“Letting go is a continuous exercise from fear to trust.
Let your fear only warn you but not take over.”

(Quote of: Bernard van Lamoen, Pastoral worker in Middelburg, June 21st 2009).
How beautiful is this? "

For me, these kinds of messages and emails from people are things that touch me deeply and matter.

Great that the universe works, helps me and uses me to help others.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, June 1, 2018

Change Self-Improvement into Self-Understanding. A life in flow without inner conflict.

A couple of weeks ago I had a Skype conversation with a couple I met some years ago. They are in a process of individual transformation as well as in a process of transformation in (strengthening) their relationship. It was a nice chat about needed change in the circumstances they both were in, in life and work.

The day after the nice talk we had, having made some notes on a piece of paper, I started to contemplate on things we told each other.
I remember in my life I worked a lot on self-improvement. Actually all necessary in the many jobs I did and, in my opinion, necessary to make steps forward in my carrier. Also necessary in the personal relationships I had and the different situations in those relationships, like running with my partner a newly composed family. I studied a lot, did many courses and training's and succeeded.

Actually now I understand even more I succeeded in changing myself. I am sure there is nothing wrong with personal development and for me that’s different than Self-Improvement.
Self-Improvement has to do with changing yourself step by step to ‘fit’ in a better way in a situation you have to deal with. Family life or work related.

In Self-Improvement you learn all kind of skills, behavior and ways of using your so called ‘strengths and weaknesses’ to reach ‘successes” or goals. Now I got more and more the idea actually I was dissatisfied with myself. Maybe even jealous. I can be honest I even wanted my parents to be proud of me in the positions that were possible to reach in my career.
An ongoing process of wanting to reach more and willing to change myself. Maybe even dealing with self-intolerance which only grows even more with every effort that I made to change myself.

Now I understand this became even part of the process to get my burn-out. Any change you achieve is always accompanied by inner conflict. So, continuously consuming energy.
I am very happy and thankful I got the opportunity living in Thailand to find my Self back. Not disturbed by what the world around me thinks of it. I am myself and out of that being myself I share.

Why did I follow the regular ‘system’ of self-improvement? Was I doomed to go to sleep having passively accepted everything in myself and around, if I abstained from all efforts to change myself?

Now I know there is another way besides hard self-pushing on the one hand and motionless acceptance on the other. It is the way of Self-Understanding.

This is not easy, certainly not in the world, culture and circumstances most of us are living in, because to understand what and who you are requires total freedom from all desire to change what and who you are into something else.

If what you attempt is not to change yourself but to observe yourself, to study every one of your reactions to people and things, without judgment, criticism or desire to reform yourself, your observation will be nonselective, widespread, never fixed on firm conclusions, always open and fresh from moment to moment.
Then you will notice a marvelous thing happening within you. You will be flooded with the light and insight of awareness, becoming transparent and transformed.

The big surprise… Change will appear in you and in your surroundings. But it will not be brought about by your calculating, restless ego that is forever competing, comparing, pressing, preaching, manipulating in its intolerance and its ambitions. Creating tension and conflict and resistance between you and Nature (an exhausting self-defeating process). You give Nature full rein to bring about graceful, unself-conscious, wholesome, change. Not corrupted by inner conflict.

Something I call a life in flow without inner conflict.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, May 25, 2018

Finding back past happiness feelings for free and a wonderful mirror as well

I remember very well how I, as a young boy, on my yellow with black autoped went to my primary school in Bloemendaal, The Netherlands. I had to pass a tunnel for pedestrians under the railway. Around that tunnel were lots of most wonderful smelling bushes.

At a certain moment, it must have been somewhere in the beginning of May, I heard when I walked with my autoped on my hand (because regularly a policeman was checking if people were really walking or you got a fine, a soft squeaking from the bushes. There was a bird's nest with young sparrows.

Almost every day I stopped on my way to and back from school for a while. Without disturbing those birds I saw them grow up. It gave me a super feeling of happiness, bliss. And actually also a seed in me was planted starting to like birds. It was therefore a great experience to be able to live with an owl here in Thailand for almost four years.

About a week or two ago, again very early in the morning, I opened my front door. Less than one and a half meters away there was a beautiful tropical bird in my conifer. And yes, a bird’s nest. Still empty. The next day holding one egg, the day after another and finally there were three eggs.

My door is always wide open when I am at home. And against the insects I have special mosquito screen doors. Two stools are located inside and next to the front door. From one of those stools I can observe the nest from very close without disturbing the birds. It feels like a kind of meditation and the most fantastic thing for me is, now that the three birds have just been born, that I have completely regained that whole and past feeling of happiness and bliss from that little boy Frans of that time. It is a more than fantastic experience and ... it costs nothing at all.

Isn’t it too crazy for words that we are nearly all only running, always wanting more, reach goals, being very concerned about what the world around us may not think of us, disconnected with our new best electronic friends, totally lost this kind of super simple things that make us happy?

And ... it's just a matter of stopping. Of standing still. Just take that stool and fully enjoy the scene, doing nothing else than observing and enjoy what you get served?

Great and thankful to be able to experience that again. Connecting with nature, still just in your front yard, nothing complicated and experiencing that great feeling of bliss that I lost for years back again, for free.

And actually for me it was a big mirror as well. 
Birds and very young children are blessed above human beings (above their first living years) in that they have no concepts and do not worry of the future, do not suffer about the past, no words in their heads, and no anxiety about what their fellows think of them. The same I had being that still young boy on my autoped. 

The mirror of my experience with this bird's nest in my front yard shows me step by step I am making progress in reaching that blessing again.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, May 18, 2018

That cat is too fat! Why do we usually respond out of a negative basic attitude?

My neighbor has two beautiful Persian cats. The balcony of her house is adjacent to the garden of the hotel pool, just like my house. Her cats - sitting on that balcony - often enjoy the view, the tropical birds and / or the sun.

Recently there was an American family with small children who went to the pool. One of the small children saw the beautiful white fluffy long-haired cat and said right away: "That cat is too fat!"

Her story brought me to this week blog.
Tourists in the city I talk with, hotel guests and, honestly I sometimes catch myself as well, often respond out of this negative basic attitude. "She is too late", "he is too thick", "she is weird and sweats a lot", "such a swimsuit is old-fashioned", "what he/she is wearing is disgusting", and so on. We continuously add labels. Usually those labels are negative and adding them, without in fact being aware, we try to put ourselves on a ‘higher’ or ‘better’ plan or standard.

“That cat is too fat" is a personal condemnation from what you have taught yourself how things should be or should be done. From that belief you immediately reject what you see and indicate that you know better how it should be. Actually you only know different.

Why is it that we usually respond primarily out of that negative basic attitude and why do we do that?

Compare, just for fun, the serene and simple splendor of a rose in bloom, with the tension and restlessness of your life. The rose has a gift that you lack: It is perfectly content to be itself. Is has not been programmed from birth, as we have been, to be dissatisfied with itself. So it has not the slightest urge to be anything other than it is.
That is why it possesses the artless grace and absence of inner conflict that among humans is only found in (very) little children and mystics.
If that flower does not attract your attention in color and smell, then there is nothing wrong with that flower. No disturbance, let alone urge to meet your wishes.

That is why it, so to speak, absolutely does not worry about simply being him- or herself. No conflict within itself. Something that actually marks only babies, young toddlers and mystics. Not being content with yourself is literally being brought up and ... a lot of money is earned on it.

The Buddhist doctrine indicates that our reactions by our brain arises from 51 different learned or programmed basis factors (mental afflictions) or values. Only 11 of them contribute in a constructive way, a healthy response. 14 Are neutral and no less than 26 contributes to an unhealthy, poisonous and destructive response. And as far as the latter is concerned, it is not only pathogenic (sickening), degrading or negative influencing your environment. It also works negatively towards yourself.

It turns out that we have learned in our lives, as a kind of security or survival mechanism, a way to be able to continue to belong to a group, family or culture, to respond primarily from those 26 negative base values. After all, you indicate what you belong to and that you reject everything else.

Instead of responding directly from that negative response, for example, mindful communication teaches to turn that energy that you would use for your reaction into a form of nosy curiosity. "How can it be that someone else has a different opinion than me?", "How can someone else behave differently from me?", “Why do I think this cat is thick and doesn’t it belong to that specie, Etc ..

With that you do not let go of your specific opinion and that which is true for you, or you do not have to follow that other person. You open yourself to discover a greater truth, to learn. And with that you create a better connection with your environment out of interest and you get to know yourself much better.
Just like that rose you can and may remain yourself and you do not have to be disturbed by the outside world. There is nothing to be dissatisfied with.

Isn’t it blissful that there are fat cats, thin cats, gray cats and white cats, long-haired cats and short-haired cats? It makes the world colorful and choice is possible.
It does not matter to that cat, just like the rose. He laughs at it.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.