Friday, January 18, 2019

How small and easy things make happy and truly connect.

Happy niece Namo and happy Frans
The family of my girlfriend lives in Surin near the border of Cambodia. This part in Northeast Thailand is also called Isaan. Isaan and especially the province of Surin is the so-called rice barn of Thailand.

Just before Christmas my girlfriend flew back to me again from her work in Bangkok and immediately after Christmas, by car and with dog Kadhow, we drove 900 km to her house there. To celebrate last change of the year.

The language is slightly different (another dialect with a lot of Khmer (Cambodia) influence). The environment is not comparable to where I live in Chiang Mai and the hospitality ??? More than great.

And this Mr. Frans always have to do something and still has problems sitting still. Discovering the environment with my girlfriend as a guide, taking pictures, the city (incredibly busy because everyone who works in Bangkok visit his or her family here again for New Year) and breathing in the family atmosphere. As a highlight, a family dinner at a luxury restaurant the day before New Year ’s Eve with, yes, karaoke. Just to become acquainted with that area in which she grew up, studied at primary school, high school and university, and her family. Interesting and also instructive to see and experience.

And nevertheless ... dealing with that sitting still.

At some moment we visited her sister's house. Her sister and brother-in-law are both teachers at different high schools and ... rice farmers. Hard work and little private time. They do not know Christmas holiday here. Only free a few days around the turn of the year. And they used that time this year to paint the inside of their house. The niece of my girlfriend (Namo, 14) was also painting the walls of her bed and study room. Looking at that… I could not only watch that activity. So ... started to paint as well.
The same moment, cooking started. Starving from being hungry here in Thailand ... no way. It’s just ‘normal’ part of that hospitality.

When niece Namo learned from her aunt that I had studied constructional engineering and architecture, she asked me how she could make things in her room a bit more cozy and if I could help her with that. Although studying English this was not easy for her to ask because, as she said, she was very shy. 

Well, I think and feel slightly different about that shy. For me it's a bit typical of this culture and the so called ranking system involved. She is in a Muay Thai boxing group and with her red boxing gloves she often shows good and proper action. 
Standing in her room I got an idea and as a surprise, together with my girlfriend, we drove to a Home and construction store around six o'clock on New Year's Eve. No problem. Shops open till nine pm. There we bought some things, all together not too expensive, to dress up her room. A mirror, a painting, a tin of paint, a ceiling lamp and a lamp for her nightstand. Just to create a little bit a different, more cozy, atmosphere than before.

Back at her sister’s house I ‘renovated’ a couple of hours. After finished, on New Year’s Day, she was allowed to open her renovated room with her parents and also her friends from school came to see. They visited her and had a small New Year party. She finished painting the walls of her room by herself already.

When she closed her bedroom door, standing inside her room, I asked her if she wanted to stand in front of the full length mirror that I fixed on that door. I told her the time of being shy was over and asked her, every day when she got up to stand in front of that mirror and to look at herself. I taught her to be proud and to encourage herself with the sentence she not only could believe but even trust: "I am a fantastic and beautiful nice girl, I am not shy, I can do it and I will show it to the world around me today again". A little tear in her eye showed her emotion and she showed more than happy.

A little later I got a creative paper cut and paste work from her. "Happy New Year 2019. To: Uncle Frans. Thank you for your gift to me on my new year 2019. From Namo. "

And that gesture in return caused me a tear and made me a bit emotional.

How simple can it be?  And to do this kind of things together for each other, that smile and that tear, does do me even a little more than that common gift to the temple.

A nice start of 2019.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, January 11, 2019

Just like a mattress, every story has at least two sides. Too bad to loose contacts and friendships.

Stay calm and do not judge too quickly. I still did not learn it...

As an extra surprise at the end of the year, I wanted to give my son a mattress. Literally giving a back support, a helping hand, now that his student mattress is kind of finished. No kind of general ‘take-away’ mattress from a large outlet store this time again but one from a specialized high quality bed store. And yes you pay (much) more but, my personal conviction, you sleep better and you can use such a mattress much longer. Maybe, calculated per night, you even sleep cheaper (yes, I still have Dutch blood ;)).

I advised my son to go to such a specialized quality store and unfortunately he did not have a good experience at all. He had a nice, uncommon, amount of money in his back pocket and came back uncompromisingly. When I heard his story, I became quite irritated as a father. Immediately I wrote an email to the company to share my disappointment. I explained my intentions to my son and my desire for quality. I told them that I could understand that he and his girlfriend might not be everyday (youthful) customers, but that they were now letting money and calling out for negative recommendation. What about quality of customer relations satisfaction?

My son in The Netherlands, and also my daughter in Australia, thought I reacted very quick and a bit fierce full but appreciated me as a father to be there for them. Happy to hear that and about my way of responding they were totally right.

Less than 10 minutes later, the director of the company in Limburg province (The Netherlands) called me on the telephone in Thailand to show his understanding, to tell his side of the story in detail, and to give advice. I can tell you, dealing with and selling mattresses, it's quite a profession. I did not only appreciate his call a lot but it gave me a different side of the story and understanding for his explanation. It made me quieter and even milder.

Why did I have to have that mirror again by myself? And am I unique in that?

I am sure that I can say no to this last question. Everyone experiences these situations and often judges from a one-sided image.

When I think back to the annoying time of our divorce, most people who heard my ex-wife's story about me think that I am the most awful man and father who walks around om this world. And people who listen to my, one-sided, experience do not understand the situation and the manner of acting in which I ended up as well.

All these kinds of stories have been colorized one-sidedly from our own experience and feelings. It is so unfortunate that people, and yes, I do and also participate myself sometimes, make decisions based on this one-sidedly view and information. And in this case, for example, break friendships for the rest of their lives. You can also ask yourself what the value of that friendship actually meant.

Well, life-long learning I will say. You may be happy about that and yes, indeed, sometimes it is a confrontation. Yet again that mirror and respect for this company.

Do not judge so quickly and also take the time to explore the other side of the story first. Just like a mattress, a story always has at least two sides (personal experiences) ...

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, January 4, 2019

January 1st. Happy New Year. Happy Easter

Indeed, what is this all about? Or rather it is only about buying.

On January 1 this year I received from my daughter a photo from a supermarket in Perth (Australia).
Indeed. You cannot be early enough to buy your Easter purchase. Imagine you are not in time. After all, you only have until 21 April this year to do your Easter shopping.

The Easter marketing has been released again and the Christmas marketing seems to be temporarily back on the charger. Garden centers are replacing their Christmas shelves for a few months with garden sets and sun umbrellas and the circle is round again. Time flies…

Christmas, of origin, is about new life and Easter about dying or actually about resurrection. Ah, what does it matter? We just skip the period of 'life' that is in between, because we have to continue to enjoy buying....

This is Australia and I expect Thailand will join quickly as well. A bit sad for the Easter marketing here that the Thai New Year celebration (Songkran) is just one week before on April 13. Certainly there will be a solution for that. After all, it’s an opportunity to double business.

Ah ... why actually does this make me all a bit sad? After all anyone who wants is free to join and enjoy the system? To join the temporary happiness of buying as much as possible. Good for the economy ;).

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, December 28, 2018

A great New Year idea. Drink coffee with friends at home again. Good for your wallet and to restore conversation.

A few weeks ago I responded to an invitation to attend a meeting of a group of people from the Philippines. Even a more than delicious self-made Filipino lunch was included. It became a welcoming meeting and experience with some nice insights and ideas.

At some point the conversation was about how you could save money and also be able to make a better connection with people around you.
One of the young ladies in the group commented that an easy solution was to start to drink coffee with your friends again at home instead of going to the Starbucks. The coffee at home was even better as well and being at home the atmosphere was much more inviting to real connection and conversation. For a short moment it was silence, changing in laughter. I laughed as well. Indeed not a bad idea.

I think every company and I guess here every Thai thinks that you can earn lots money on coffee. Yes I think Starbucks indeed is a success story so far.

Where I live, on a daily base more and more coffee shops arise. Offering coffee nearly on every corner of the street it seems. As if everyone is longing to want to drink coffee every minute of the day. However, most shops remain empty most of the day.
And the clever concept of Starbucks seems to be more about being visible behind the large windows for others and the selfies that you can share on the social media than about the quality of the coffee. People hiding behind laptops or sucked into their tablets or I-Phones. More and more my experience is that ‘refined’ workspaces are offered where people do nearly not have face-to-face conversation, and holding their cardboard cups with large logo’s, are not even being aware they are drinking, enjoying and even tasting coffee. Willing to pay a lot.  

I think the young Filipino lady made a point. I remember how neighbors, the milkman, the baker and the farmer who once a week came to pick up the leftovers from the kitchen and dinners for his pigs, took a break and joined around my mother's table. Mom's 'coffee shop' was always open. Her super quality 'Koetosari coffee', yes, my father was once the main representative of it, praises and stories about everything that happened in our families, our environment, our country and also what was known that time about what was going on in the world. Yes, they each other and there was energy flow between them.

And that drinking coffee? That did not cost so much. Oh well, a special paper coffee filter, dune water from the tap, a little gas to boil the water and of course the beans milled by my oldest brother with the (hand) coffee grinder. You actually let people look in your kitchen and living room. Very normal hospitality at that time. Now that I type this, that blissful feeling comes back to me and I even smell the coffee again.

She is right that Filipino young lady, connection and saving money. A great and valuable thing to drink coffee at home with friends and acquaintances again. An invitation to taste, connect and have a good conversation about everything going on in your life and in the world around.
An answer to save money, enjoy even better coffee and restore connection and conversation.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, December 21, 2018

The craziness of Christmas only in Thailand?

Even my dog Kadhow lost the track. 

Plastic trees, no forest smell at all, shimmering balls not even to play, no invitation to pee. I tried to explain to him this has to do with the preparations for Christmas.

Christmas, Christmas, what the f… is Christmas in my country he seems to think looking at the unreal tree. He is a Thai Buddhist temple dog and does not understand a thing of it.

In recent years I see the phenomenon ‘Christmas’ in Thailand rising. Everywhere, in shopping malls, walking streets, restaurants, and so on an atmosphere of Christmas is tried to be created. Cashiers at Tesco Lotus are wearing Santa hats and music of ‘Let it snow’ for weeks already is playing in the hyper markets. Just besides, everybody is 100% sure snow will not at all fall with this 34 degrees Celsius temperatures at our place. So at least for me (and Kadhow) it is all a big joke and show.

Christmas, maybe it is shocking news, has to do with the meaning of the birth of Christ and so with Christianity as a religion. Wikipedia shows Christianity only represents max.1.2% of the national population of Thailand. And this number does not tell anything at all about the people of this small group who are really practicing. So why nearly everywhere Christmas decoration for already a long time?

Christmas has nothing to do with giving each other presents although there is an old story of three Kings / Wise man who offered Christ, still being a new born baby, gifts.

Christmas has to do with hope, peace, a new start, future, purpose of life, connection, a way to live, family (actually a great thing in Thailand), and much more. Not at all with buying things and marketing. Temporary happiness. That’s what people made of it. 

The craziness of Christmas only in Thailand? Not at all! Actually it is all over the world. Just another phenomena to make money so to sell. Creating an inviting 'celebrating' atmosphere. Do not think too deep. No need at all to know anything about the background. Just and only buy! A kind of "we create and also offer you the solution in relation to what you (do not) need". In my opinion missing the roots and only creating again an outside show to help people to buy.

Christmas, for me this way a bit a shame, more and more is only making the economy, and not our lives, happy.

Why my this weeks blog? Just an invitation to take the time to think a bit deeper or maybe even to contemplate. Do not believe all the show and campaigns, go back to the real roots.

I hope, for you I am wrong with my story (or maybe even you recognize it) and wish you a Merry Christmas.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, December 14, 2018

How to calm your thoughts down.

Many times during my former classes I got the question how to calm your thoughts down.
Last week again I got this question from a former guests. I think many people still are dealing with this question. And no, this is not a trick, you cannot do or learn it at once, it is a matter of continuous exercise. So, why not give it a try and start to manage this process and make it a routine for thoughts that keep on disturbing you.

So, how does it work?
You are aware of a thought that is disturbing you.

If you are aware of it you can look at it from a distance in a process of contemplating. It is a wonderful experience to recognize as a human being we have the opportunity to understand and that there are at least three roles or ‘actors’ in this process. The thought, you and the possibility to jump into the role of observer of what’s going on.

So in this situation actually you place yourself in the role of the observer of your thought process, taking some distance watching your thought. In this way it is not necessary to cling to that thought but you can let it go away as a cloud drifting away in the sky. You do not put your energy to it you only watch without judging. This is not as easy as it looks at first sight. It is a matter of training your mind.

How to only watch without judging?
# First thing you need to do is you observe your feelings. You can feel uncomfortable, anxious, worried, angry or whatever else. Contemplating you whisper to yourself: “I feel …. (just mention to yourself your specific feeling(s)) coming up. I do not want this feeling. I will let it go away.”
# Second you are aware this thought is just an only a thought. It creates just a feeling and has no matter in itself. So yes you can let it go.
# The third thing is that you need to understand that every thought, already your whole life long, is only temporary and not everlasting.
# After that, as the last fourth step, you need to understand this thought is not you. You are not the thought, neither are you the feeling. You do not have to let it affect you. So, let it go.

In Buddhist meditation we call this process Satipatthana.

Be aware and give it a try on a daily base to clear your mind and to become the master yourself, instead of your thoughts, of your own life.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, December 7, 2018

I missed Black Friday and Cyber Monday. Could have saved a lot of money. And... I did.

Yes indeed, I was too late!

Sometimes I am painfully reminded that my no longer being on the 'social' media, no longer reading newspapers, and almost no watching television has its drawbacks. Too late my sister painfully had to remind me that it had been Black Friday and Cyber ​​Monday already. I had missed it ... I could have saved myself so much money and all those discounts slipped between my fingers. Too bad.

Black Friday and Cyber ​​Monday? I had never heard of it and yet it seems to have kept many people in their grip. A form of super sale and certainly with the generally more expensive December month arriving this was a missed opportunity. Or wasn’t it?

It seems to be a, for me, again new marketing trick and just in my experience, yes, we kick in again. Because if you look a little bit deeper into that phenomenon, you may in all reasonableness wonder what actually is offered in those ‘super’ deals. Marketing helps you to believe that you cannot live without this offers or that you are crazy if you do not buy this things now (or never). Not having this things maybe even give you the idea you are not part of the ‘general group’ any longer. And that’s not what you want… It's only about buying, buying and even more buying. Whether or not you have the money for it and whether or not you need it (for me I just do NOT need it). It's good for the economy, and that certainly applies to all those personal loans companies who will earn big money on it again. What you get? Another temporary toy or thing. Many times even depths hard to get rid of because you have less money to spend and new arrivals will scream to buy them again.
Quickly you discover that what you bought is already out of date again and you will be reminded of perhaps a new phenomenon 'Saving Wednesday' (if it is not already there) that you can throw away your old junk better and exchange (buy again) for something new. After all, you need to be ‘up-to-date’ with for instance the technique you believe and are told by your friends

As my dog ​​shakes his fur regularly, I too did that. And indeed my fur is a bit thinner and still that shake caused me, just like with him, to notice with a smile on my face that I had not missed Black Friday and Cyber ​​Monday at all. I had saved lots of money. After all, I had not spent a single penny on it because I did not have the need or the desire to purchase something. I had and do not need this things to lead a super nice and valuable life.

What a relief and what a super good catch. Wake up. That call, or the offer to save as we believe, is no more than only shouting for investment. To buy and thereby to spend.

So I saved more than great! And to celebrate that soon I will experience Japan with my girlfriend. All because of missing out on these days, I have obviously saved that money now.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, November 30, 2018

In a split second your family destroyed. Again that mirror. LIVE by the day.

Last Monday morning my partner got a message that her school friend (40), so far, together with two of her family members, tragically was killed in a traffic accident. That accident happened the day before on Sunday morning, November 25, 2018 in the Thai province of Rayong. Her husband is perilous on the intense or care unit and their two 8 and 10 year old sons (on the Facebook photo with their mother) are told to be 'good' because they survived the crash. A heartbreaking picture.

A large lorry with sand overtook a predecessor and, on the two-lane road, he could not get back into his lane in time and crushed, the car approaching. The car with their family and some other relatives driven by her husband. A total of nine people, unsuspecting in that car, on the way for a family daytrip to a waterfall in the national park there.

My girlfriend called me during her work right after she heard about this tragedy and was and is pretty upset. Not in the mood to work any longer that day. I big shock.
In the culture in which I live here, family and family ties generally play a more important role than in the West. And so too that is with friendships. For example, my girlfriend is part of an active close group of eight friends who know each other from the university and meet each other at least once a year. Unfortunately this group is now seven...
A young family ... what about future?

I do not know what it is this year 2018 (in Thailand 2561). This year seems to be an ongoing movie full of mirrors to keep me awake what life really is all about and how fragile life is. It can all be different in one split second. And when you see around you how and what we are all concerned about, how we nag and argue and how we run our lives... What is it all about??? Money, status, power, position, etc., you discover this type of messages are hammering louder and louder that this things do NOT have any value in relation to living life. They represent nothing of it.

Every morning when I wake up, I am grateful that I have received a new day. An invitation to LIVE that day and make something of it. And this ongoing mirroring stories help me to understand it is better not to let me in with all the negativity around us and given by the ('social') media. Enjoying more the small things that actually most of the time are even for free available. Being happy, after having the experience, nowadays to be free of any 'status' or ‘position’ and enjoy living a free life and another lifestyle.

And that constant, and seemingly faster and faster, stream of mirrors that everyone knows and gets in his life, actually point more and more to LIVE by the day and be grateful for all that you already have and for the one you are.

And again the saying of OSHO came through my mind; "The only goal of life is living". Live by the day. Where else do you all worry about than living life? You are running out of time and ... it can all be different in one split second.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, November 23, 2018

The usefulness of the nonsense.

I got humor from home. Just like in any other family, also our family sometimes had to deal with problems. In particular it was my mother who often broke the tension and stress or helped to let things flow again during this situations using her fun and laughter.

Many people nag and argue about often even very small things. As if their life depends on it. My mother often stepped frivolously and lightly over this situations and things with a smile and her humor. There are worse things in the world she regularly said. Don’t accept hiccups to occur. Life goes on. Let alone let your precious energy merge into futilities. Always try to see the bright side of things was one of her winged statements.

Complaining and often making each other's life miserable… for what reason? Is it really worth it? Does it bring any solution or solve the ‘problem’? Mouths full of all that’s going wrong in the world around us and at work. Often not doing things better ourselves in our own small world. And the older you get, the worse it often becomes. Moaning.

Yes, 50% out of my mother, I know for sure I am inserted with my mother's humor. Even more than my other brothers and sisters because I was, after seven years in between my youngest sister and me, the last born of our family. Because of this I spend lots of time as a young child alone with her and even accompanied her to the theater. No children day-care that time and even if it should have been available it was nothing for my parents to drop me there.

She was an actress in Haarlem (The Netherlands) and performed in the Haarlem Theater as well, the place I have been born. You can see her on the photo with this blog in the play called "Summer in December" as I just read on the backside of the old photograph I just found.
How many layers of cosmetics make-up artists put on her face or whatever clothing they put on her... they could not hide the humor within. Her producers knew she could (and wanted) only play comical roles. Comical types. That 'jester' in her was simply not to hide. She often laughed at herself when she saw how she met herself in life. Those inside pranks were only briefly hidden. Often even big nonsense and many times she was the one afterwards who laughed loud about it. It brought her a feeling of freedom.

And I got that from her. Also in me the 'jester' is the basic talent with which I am anchored with this world. That playful inner child. And how it works is impossible to explain and who does not understand, also good, he or she does not understand. To honor her after she passed away I started my courses to become an actor myself. Looking back now maybe not to learn acting but to understand myself in relation to the world around me even better.

As if my mother regularly goes through me or still works with me. She taught me the usefulness of nonsense. Bringing some playfulness, light, air and/or flow in situations.
My kids and various friends have regularly witnessed or attended. Many times I see something happening, or observe on a terrace people sitting together, and comedy in my head arises like a movie starts to run. And I too cannot keep that inner pleasure inside and start as a kind of reporter telling it. And I believe, no, it is almost certain that that story often is even for perhaps 90% true.

Youp van 't Hek (a Dutch comedian, author, columnist, singer-songwriter, playwright and critic) would say: "A little light, a bit of a laugh, a bit of air, a bit of fun.".

Worry about all those things around you a little less and live a bit lighter and more by the day. You are running out of time. And as far as that’s physically possible of course, it’s better to live more in a playful and ‘airy’ way in flow than with moaning hiccups. Humor is a great supporting tool for that.

Happy that I inherited that humor from my mother. A gift that I enjoy and share every day.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, November 16, 2018

The causes of our emotions

Last week, after a long period of time, I followed a Buddhist class again. As usual it brought me several insights and I am happy to share. Growing by sharing still is one of my life themes.

The teaching was about emotions. Emotions, we have many of them, are effects. In the present timeframe, especially on the ‘social’ media, people share their emotions and moods with the so called ‘Emoticons’.

Where there is an effect, there is also a source, a cause. And because for every individual person this sources can be different, the emotions we show in several circumstances are different depending on the person. And the deep-rooted habits of our reactions partly determine our personality.

Although there is a balance in emotions (wholesome, neutral and unwholesome), if we talk about emotions most of the time we immediately thing about being emotional in a kind of sad way. During my acting classes I learned for instance that responding out of the same element ‘fire’ can bring us laughter and happiness but also deep sadness and crying. So emotions are personal expressions. Kinds of body language using all our senses and the manifestation of dealing with our inner energy. All emotions have two points of view: what we think (psychological) and what we feel (physical).

Unwholesome emotions have to do with:
# Greediness: Desires, lust, passion
# Anger: Rage, hostility, hate, resentment, dislike
# Ignorance: depression, sadness, despair, anxiety, self-pity, worry, insecurity, and so on.

Negative emotions lead to mental disorders. Affecting (ruining) your health, family, job, relationship, etc.. Simply your whole life. 

Wholesome emotions have to do with:
# Joy: Happiness, enthusiasm, optimism, cheerfulness
# True love: caring, compassion.

Positive emotions lead to mental balance and order. So your whole life as well but in a very different strengthening way. 

If we get more sight on and understand the causes, we can work on them is stead of suppressing the effects with for instance medicines, alcohol, drugs or going deeper and deeper in our mobile devices addictions of loneliness.

So the question in this week blog is: Where do our emotions come from?

Looking deeper into this question we can discover the cause of our emotions has to do with karma. Buddhism even teaches karma of this life but also from former life’s. But let’s leave that for now.

Karma? Easy said but maybe not so easy to understand.
Karma you can see as a gathering of actions. Physical actions, speech and thoughts of our mind. It is also related to the so called ‘law of cause and effect’. Meaning this. Our thoughts, actions and speech (cause) influence (effect) our future.
And again we can understand that our early childhood experiences and primary main life themes at that moment of how to stay safe and how to survive, has a lot to do with the creation of our karma.

Personalization of the experiences of our present life (the dealing with the external world) and the interaction with our build up/learned mental experiences cause the arousal of our emotions. Craving and attachments, satisfying our desires, are big parts of this interaction process and make us dependent. We cannot and do not want (and did not learn) to let go.

So you can see an emotion as the personal, most of the time habitual, way of attention based on your personal perception in your interaction with yourself and others.

Taking some distance to watch without judging to this personal process gives insight in your karma and the way you show emotions.
Learning to let go, calming and clearing the mind (experiences) and focus on wholesome emotions step by step can heal a possibly disturbed emotional balance. And that is dealing with the cause instead of fighting the effect.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, November 9, 2018

Do not open Fridays and Saturdays received letters during the weekend and control your email movement.

Mail, both letters and email, can disturb your mood. Especially during your well-deserved weekend you got to recharge your energy. Ever thought about that? And of course the content of your received mail can have both a positive or negative influence.

Last week, once again, I was remembered of this by someone from the Netherlands and someone from Germany. Many negative feelings came back again.
I would like to share with you how I have arranged my dealing with (e)mail after past experiences. Not as the ‘Columbus egg solution’ but perhaps to make you think about it and take some action to get even more control back over your life.

Unfortunately, in the nineties I was in a tedious and long-lasting, sometimes harassing, process of divorce. Nothing unique so to say but still. And when I listened to the stories of those two persons a lot of things came back up again about how I experienced that time and how things often still go. Distractions of your weekend, interruptions of night's rest by ... yes mail.

Perhaps I think too negatively by saying after this experiences nowadays, it felt like a sort of conspiracy theory. Usually I received again another thick letter from some legal firm on Saturday morning or I received an email on Friday afternoon. As if included in the curriculum of the legal profession to make the 'weekend enjoyment' as a special ‘additional gift’ bad for the 'opponent' of their 'client'.

'Curiously' you open the messages and… your weekend is ruined. That free time you got just to recharge is being occupied with thoughts, anger, disbelief, and so on. And not only during the day, especially at night.

And of course it is not just and only about the legal profession. I am sure you know several examples from your personal experiences.

Once more this is another aspect to take control back about how you want to live your life. And yes, directing your mail and email requires some discipline. You need to learn to get rid of your addict behavior to read and respond directly. Actually I was amazed, better to say positively surprised, about how quickly my outside world was used to my different way of dealing and approaching my (e)mails. I even get a lot of nice and positive reactions to it.

I would like to share my personal approach as an example with you.

# First of all, I open letters that I receive on Friday or Saturday only on Monday.

# I also took my email movement back in my own hands. Not directly replying as an addicted routine anymore but reading and responding only two times a week.

If people send me an email (both related to business as well as private) they will automatically receive the following message in English and Dutch:

Thank you for your message.

Please note:

As I continue a “digital fasting and detox” program, I live life and enjoy engaged face-to-face connections (and conversations) with people, friends and nature even more. 

That’s why I check my emails only twice a week: Monday and Thursday mornings before noon in Thailand (GMT+7).

If necessary I try to respond within two days after your email is read.
Thank you for your understanding and have a nice day.

Frans Captijn

Till today, this two actions contribute to more rest and almost no disturbance of my generally very nice weekends.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.