Friday, June 23, 2017

The message of Silence

Silence. Do you nowadays still recognize silence? Is there any place you still can find silence? What does silence bring you?

Really, all around us is noise. If it's quiet then we just make noise. It seems silence makes us feel crazy. What makes us so afraid of silence? Sound seems a wanted distraction we need to not connect with ourselves. Silence connects you with the war that’s often going on within yourself. A war between ratio and feeling/emotion. A war encouraged by personal (past) experiences and suffering. A war stimulated by worrying in relation to fear for the unknown, the future.

My first real experience with silence was when I stayed for a week in a Benedictine monastery (St. Benedict's mountain in Vaals, The Netherlands). Actually, and certainly with my experiences I had at that moment about self-development and spirituality, an inexplicable experience. I felt secluded and at the same time it made me happy. Immediately I got in contact with deeper life questions. With fear, grief and also with joy and gratitude. In that monastery I had the mystical experience that my hand suddenly felt caught by something bigger than me, or someone I could not see, when I was writing about my feeling. Something or someone took over my hand and began to write down the answers on a question I had about my son. I still have that hand written paper somewhere and described that experience in a diary that I kept for many years after our decision to get divorced for my children.

At about a one hour and fifteen minutes’ drive of the place where I live, there is a huge cave in a mountain (Bua Tong Cave). I regularly visit that place with personal guests. It is definitely not (yet) a tourist attraction. You can enter the ground floor of that cave or (together with monks) go into the catacomb. Also in this cave you can experience total silence and to be honest, it’s still a very strange phenomenon. Certainly if you have had the real experience feeling/connecting with real silence.

Silence makes listening a deeper and more intense sensation. You become much more sensitive for the art of listening. You expand your consciousness. And not only your consciousness in relation to listening. You widen the sensation of feeling, tasting, watching and smelling as well. All your senses will be more open and more sensitive. Some people call it a deeper connection with your authenticity.

Sound has turned into a ‘tool’ to run away from a deeper connection with yourself. To escape yourself. Silence, on the contrary, brings you in touch with yourself.

Silence is not the absence of something. It is your awareness, open your mind, for everything that is available for you.

It is quite common, getting older, you deal and engage with deeper (life)questions in your life. That you are looking for answers and directions to go. Life, after all, is a continuous expedition in relation to growth, personal development and sharing your uniqueness.
The strange thing is that we are used always to search for those answers and directions to go in the outside world. Silence does not work with that but, on the contrary, brings you in connection with your inner world. There, and nowhere else, all the answers on this type of questions are already available and waiting for you. You only need to discover them (discover/uncover = to remove the cover because those answers have been covered so far). It’s just to take the cover, the lit, the dust, of. You do not need to look for and will not find the real answers on this questions in that outside world.

In relation to your uniqueness, your way of life/life style, your passion, you already since birth, have everything you need inside to grow and share as it’s best meant to be for you. Because you are not aware of this (yet), you try to find and follow a different road, acting as your own personal helmsman telling him the direction you want. However, your life often has a something different ‘treasure’ for you. Something you might not want yet, but after all it will work out to be the best choice for your growth.

The message of silence is to connect you with your inner source. To create space to anticipate instead of abrupt react. There is nothing to ask. You only will receive. To be willing to receive that what’s waiting for you (and you are ready to receive) in the understanding that this several times is not what you want (yet). To surrender to life in full confidence that your life can not go wrong. You only have to live it…

Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight
“Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

Friday, June 16, 2017

Newsletters and magazines have lost their value. They are wasting time, effort and money…

Last week in my blog I memorized already that I "unsubscribed" all kind of newsletters and receiving (or buying) magazines. No longer they support me in my personal process of growth, focus on myself, learning myself better, and studying more. All things I try to do to live my life fuller and more in connection.

A long time ago already during all kinds of training's and even during a so-called 'Business Bootcamp' I was told at least to be on social media, have a blog, write and publish at least once in your life a book, and keep your relations and customers “warm” with sending them a regular newsletter. All to keep your company, your business or your organization in the spotlights.

More and more people, acting as flocks, followed this advice. And yes, I also was one of them (and still for a part I follow). I once wrote a book (not as a response to one of this calls but out of an inner call to leave something that can be shared in length of years). Stupid me I did not write that book in English. And for the same reason of inner calling, I continue with publishing my blog because I think there is something to share and possible to learn and they get a lot of response.

Last week I was invited to work a couple of times at the Four Seasons Resort. A wonderful place to be. I am always early to have some time to adapt, prepare and enjoy before my class starts. Twice, in the waiting area, I took a magazine in my hands, and yes, about health. It took me a while before I came across the first small article in those magazines about health. First I really got 10 pages with marketing about watches, diamond rings, luxury cars, perfume, houses with swimming pool, etc. Not what the title of the magazine promised I thought.
At the place where I live and work a short time ago we had photo shooting sessions. All for a Chinese magazine on travel and health. A publisher showed me three copies of the magazine. Fantastic pictures, beautiful quality paper and also here 6 pages to turn before the actual magazine started. Turning the pages I asked him at a certain moment when his magazine started. He had to laugh. Yes sir, otherwise the message we want to bring will be unprofitable ... !? What about too expensive? Aren’t we thinking in a strange kind of vicious circle? We have to pay for this magazine if we want to have it and also people who buy a car, perfume, make-up, etc.. pay for it. And then we think, because of this, we get it for a ‘cheaper’ price…

These magazines offer less and less value in relation to what the name of the magazine tries to believe you, you will get. It’s all about marketing. Even a Dutch mindfulness magazine called “Happinez”, has become an expensive periodical nearly only filled with marketing / advertisement. The actual content is not even 25%. Sorry but the truth (for me). A waste of money, time and trees (paper).

Only short and already a very long time ago I published newsletters. Tribes of people had and still have the guts to go on with it. The newsletters I got by post on paper had some value. They brought in the recycling some money for a charity foundation. The digital ones disappeared even faster by pushing a button on the computer and did not even bring any money for this foundation.

There is a lot of work to be done in setting up and developing a newsletter, and perhaps the great added value is that you, as a compiler, are aware and connected with everything that’s going on in  your life, your company, your business, your organization, or whatsoever. Just because you have to think about it writing it down. You are arranging.

Because of an overkill on newsletters you - wanted or unwanted - receive and the lack of time you have or want to take reading them, you can ask yourself if they have any left value.

Your newsletter is unique. Yes, that's right because you or your organization you write about is unique.
However, among those newsletters that are so digitally sent now, that uniqueness is not seen any longer. You only and easy press the button ‘delete’ to refer the newsletter that took so much effort to prepare to the digital recycle bin.

And, I am sorry to say, more and more this happened by me and, it’s just my opinion, I think there are many more people who do exactly the same. I do not have or take the time to read them, lots of them I never asked for, most of them do not have any value for me. They do not care me. Being more and more ‘buried’ under the “newsletter phenomenon” I unsubscribed nearly all of them. And yes, less and less emails. Creating rest to connect with things I really want to connect with.

In short, the overkill of newsletters from everything and everyone and the overkill in marketing in magazines for me destroyed the value of them. I ask myself what their contribution is in improving communication and understanding. For me it's just a matter of time and creating time and space by unsubscribing and not buying any longer.
The ‘news value’ I want to have I can find on the internet.

Step by step I really find and have more time to live life again without spending time on newsletters and magazines.

Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight
“Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

Friday, June 9, 2017

As if I had said farewell to my life. On the contrary. Without (social) media I have just returned to even more LIVING life again.

Last May 3rd, in advance, I shared on social media that I would stop with my ‘memberships’ of the (social) media starting May 20th. That stopping is less easy than you think. To leave Facebook for instance took only technically two weeks. And that's already enough sign/message to me. Marketing clings like a tiger on your pants and to get rid of it ... not easy. I will also say goodbye to all kinds of digital and written newsletters and magazines soon. Within a couple of weeks I will write a blog about my mainspring to stop with them as well within a couple of weeks.

A good acquaintance I already know for a very long time sent me a few days after I quit with my (social) media an email with the text:

"Who 10 years ago had ever dared to assume that social media would be so influential in our lives?
That people say farewell and live a good new life to you when you tell them in advance that you will no longer be boundless available for our Holinesses Facebook, Twitter, etc .. You almost got the the status of hero. You choose to sail and connect with the big sea of life. The others stay behind on the quay…They lost you .... Goodbye Frans…

Funny because actually what has really changed. You're still the one you are. Anyone who's really in touch with you, knows how to reach you, just like before the Facebook era."

Reading this message and looking deeper into it, a big grin showed on my face. How well all the intent of my friends on the social media and being thankful and grateful for all the response ... for me there is a deep truth in his message.

I received praise. People who actually also wanted to quit with social media but could not do it (yet) because of all kind of general excuses, circumstances and… addiction. People who thanked me (thank you as well otherwise for your thanks) for all insights and pictures about my present life I posted. People who wished me luck and an even more happy life. Friends who granted me success and strength on my further life path. Even a serious attempt to ‘keep Frans on social media’.

And looking back on all the responses now, it still creates a kind of feeling as I said farewell to my life. Something that another acquaintance nearly literally wrote to me.

Nothing is less true to me. For a short period of time I even had a lot of time left (about 1,5 till 2 hours a day). This time now has been completed ‘consumed’ with real connecting and deepening. Indeed, that was my purpose and I got it. I LIVE life even more and more intense than ever. Unrestrictedly available and accessible ...? No, not anymore. I'm turning into the master of my life again and in what I really want. Connection with life, with myself, my kids, my girlfriend, my animals, nature, the people who get on my way or cross my path for a while. Rest, engagement, and more peace of mind. Being there, being available being in contact as it is meant to be. Less distortion and disturbance from any form of media with all kind of information that helps me to worry about things I cannot really change. Offering me, by marketing, all kind of things I have to buy to make me (temporary) happy. Showing me how ‘rich’ and ‘happy’ life can be. Wishing so many people; “May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on social media”.

My love now is with the smaller world around me, with reclaiming face-to-face conversation, with growing by sharing my uniqueness with others (and they with me). Being just as ‘appealing’ on the inside as I am on the outside (nothing to hide the truth). Celebrating my life by moving on to bigger and better things. Living the philosophy to always stay true to my personal set of values. To enjoy even more spending my time in the outdoors on my own, with love ones or with our international guests surrounded by nature.

Blissful to choose for a deeper lifestyle and yes, there still is a long journey to discover and learn. A lifelong as long I do not run out of my time.

Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight“Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.”

Friday, June 2, 2017

“I go back to my Concrete Jungle again…” Don't play a game with your health!

This morning as usual I walked with my dog through the forest. Every day I try to visit at random different places. In the place where I was today, I had not been around for about a week. I almost did not recognize the path. After the first a bit heavy rainfall, the trees and bushes are exploding new, fresh, blissfully smelling green leafs.

A few days ago I said farewell to guests again. Increasingly, short, very intense and often emotional contacts become my life. Two of those guests thanked me and told me it was time for them to return to ‘the real world’. I've written a blog about this ‘the real world’ theme before. As if my world would not be a real world. One of those guests told me that after a week of nice experiences, connecting with herself and connecting with nature, she returned to the concrete jungle again. Where are you going? I asked her, not knowing this term so she explained. Do you recognize??? What is your jungle for happy (healthy) LIVING?

Many of our guests who visit the resort literally escape for a while their lifestyle and living environment. From more and more major cities, you can now book direct flights to Chiang Mai International Airport. Cities like Bangkok, Chengdu, Hong Kong, Kuala Lumpur, Macau, Beijing, Beijing, Seoul, Shanghai, Shenzhen and, for example, Singapore to name a few. And with just a simple stopover, the connection with much more large concrete jungles (cities) is even much bigger.

During her study in Beijing, my daughter regularly showed me the huge amounts of smog and far unhealthy air pollution, common in this city. It literally made her sick. Many of our guests who live there tell me exactly the same. The street scene? Running especially busy people only connected with their mobile devices (as far you could see through the smog). Why do you want to ‘live’ an unhealthy life like this? Business Cities, Commerce, Gambling ... It's all about money.

The old principle that makes you believe that money makes life easier and ‘really’ more happy. Whether you get sick or not...
It takes you away of the idea that there is only one goal in life (called LIVING) and that health in living a sustainable life is the main asset. Do not play a game with your health for money and getting a shorter (unhealthy) life. Not stress, not pollution, not running, not distraction, but connection with the holistic approach. For that you need a right and healthy habitat.

LIVING life is living your uniqueness. To respond to your inner call (whatever the world thinks of it). To share and to grow. That’s the meaning of LIVING life. Making your live valuable. So not only the focus on making money (and destroying your health). Not even for a short period of your life because you are young and strong enough.

A week 'different' “I-experience” helps you to make clear what living your life really is all about and especially why ... Many people don't care about their health and take health for granted in the race for more money, more desires, (even) more "I". They forget that it's all temporary and they cannot take can not take anything at their last day... They, you, we, own nothing...

What do you choose in relation to your happiness and health? That concrete jungle full of running and digital connections, or the jungle in which you can authenticate connect with yourself, your supporting habitat and others beings to become happier?

Easier said than done? Don’t you have your responsibilities?
These therefore already are the first general excuses that toxify you. Let go and start LIVING whatever other people think of it. Take responsibility for yourself.

Too bad to earn a lot of money to spend after all to all kinds of specialists to make you healthy again. Your run out of time! Do not forget to live and especially to enjoy life.

It's later than you think!

Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight“Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.”

Friday, May 26, 2017

The effect of our always wrong perceptions. Ask yourself: “Am I sure?” and sleep better.

We act on the basis of wrong perceptions nearly all the time. Our thoughts are related to three things.
  1. Things we really see, hear, feel, smell or taste. 
  2. Things we only create in our mind, our illusions. 
  3. Things in between reality and illusions.
Our response has to do with our life experiences and programming. We respond out of a kind of toolbox of 51 mental factors. You can see as a kind of main 'response emotions'. Only 11 of them are wholesome. 26 unwholesome and 14 neutral. In our lives actually we are used to mainly respond out of the 26 unwholesome emotions.
When we see a person walking in the street, or a new colleague at our work often our first response in our mind is negative. We immediately start with labeling. The man for instance is too fat, his or her clothes are overdone, the lipstick of the woman is too red, too much make-up, etc.. Our response, over all, is more unwholesome, negative than positive, contributing. Without even being aware we are trained to do this.

Things we really see, hear, smell, taste or feel are real for us. Most of the time they are part of a bigger reality we are not aware of yet. So our perceptions are made out of that what we see and often are not totally right or totally complete. When you look at a beautiful sunset, you may be quite sure that you are seeing the sun as it is in that moment. A scientist will tell you that the image of the sun that you see is the image of the sun from eight minutes ago. Sunlight takes eight minutes to reach the earth from such a long distance.

Illusions are not true. Our mind does not know or understand the difference between true or not true information. It starts creating all kind of solutions basically to help us to stay safe and to survive. The same is happening with things in between ‘reality’ and illusion.

An example. A man, still in love with his wife, whose wife for a couple of weeks is at work abroad had a short Skype-call with her at the moment she seemed to be in a restaurant. He discovered she was very happy having a dinner with a stranger, another man. Her husband did not wanted to disturb her dinner so told her he would call her back the next day. During the evening and night he created all kind of stories in his mind. About their relationship, what she was doing the rest of that evening and night, what made her so happy having dinner with that man, etc.. The next day he heard from his wife it was the husband of her female colleague. They were so kind to invite her for dinner at that restaurant and she did not have the time to tell her husband because of his short call. At the moment he called her, her colleague just was paying the bill at the counter of the restaurant.

Our perceptions habitually are wrong. Our responses are unwholesome. Together they even accumulate our feeling of suffering. Consuming lots of energy, make us feel miserable, not trusting ourselves anymore, and even creating insomnia.

We have to be very careful with our perceptions, otherwise we will feel pain. A helpful thing is to make a note and put it on the mirror in the bathroom with: “Are you sure?” and: “Even if you are sure, check again!”

Often we have hurt ourselves, we created a hell for ourselves and our beloved ones because of our perceptions. Are you sure of your perception?
When you are angry, and you feel pain, try to take some distance and inspect (look deeply) in the role of third person, observer, the content, the nature of your perceptions. Your programming, your reflections, your reality (instead of the reality), your response (out of personal hurt, jealousy or whatever else).

If you are capable of removing or changing the wrong perception, peace and happiness will be restored in you, and you will be able to love and connect in a better and right way with other people again.

Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight“Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.”

Friday, May 19, 2017

Without mud no existence, let alone growth.

I still like to translate very simple stories that I hear or read here in Thailand into personal insight. With my blog I want to share them.

Last week I read a story about a tree that was sick in a large garden. A specialist was even hired to give advice about, - and to possible heal - , this tree. In the Netherlands we call it a tree-surgeon. The tree got all the attention. And yes, it survived. Many other trees and plants in the garden unfortunately died.

What was, no actually what is, going on? By taking care of the 'patient' the other trees and plants in the garden were given (too) little attention and passed away.

But Frans, what has this to do with mud?
Actually, it's very simple. To give a Lotus flower a chance of existence and growth, mud is needed. It’s a basic need. Mud in Buddhism is the metaphor for the world (our personal world) of suffering and worrying. And first of all you need that mud, that suffering, to become who and what you are.

Where and what are the disturbances in growth? They all have to do with our clinging, not letting go of our thoughts and desires, and with paying too much attention only about how to get out of our mud. We are too much connected with our ‘sick trees’ in our life.

The layman Vimalakirti once said: “Because the world is sick, I am sick. Because people are worrying, I have to worry.”. A lot of times our choice is to have pity with other people or with situations in their lives or in the world. With that we even think we help other people showing our empathy and deeper connection with them. In fact, facing and connecting with their worrying and suffering, we are getting deeper and deeper into our own mud by being busy getting out of that same mud. The ocean of suffering and insecurities is immense. And with being busy with coming out of our own mud we do not help anyone. Showing and feeling pity or sorry does not help anyone. You only make more 'victims'.
Being at work in the ocean of suffering, we forget to turn around and see that the ocean can only exist because there is also land. So to see, or trust, and look forward there is land as well.

All that (unnecessary) suffering, worrying and sometimes even our insomnia, is only an effect. And if there is an effect, there is also a cause. This cause often has to do with the way we have been programmed by others. A programming that created our lifestyle (the way we personally respond to situations in our lives). There is nothing wrong with showing compassion, but showing compassion helps you to stay in balance and to be able to see there is black and white in all things and in all circumstances.

Even if you are carrying a lot of sorrow and sadness, there are countless things around you that really can offer you the opportunity to be more happy. However, you refuse to do so and to pay attention to them. Don’t wait until you have no more suffering before allowing yourself to be happy.

To become a beautiful lotus flower first you need mud. In order to be able to exist and grow into something beautiful, you also need mud in your life. Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and not to forget environmental (energy takers and energy givers) ‘mud’. If you really take the time to look deeper so far you, wanted or unwanted, needed all of them to make you the person you are now.

If you're not happy with it, it's just and only in your hands to do something about it. Not in the hands of somebody or something else. So stop complaining. It’s a matter of shift and change of attention and NOT to overlook all the healthy trees and plants in your garden, despite the one sick tree. Everything you give attention grows…

Even while you have pain in your heart, you can enjoy the many wonders of life. A beautiful sunrise or sunset, a happy playful child or animal. To suffer is not enough. Don’t be imprisoned by your suffering.

Experienced hunger, you know that having food is a miracle. If you have suffered from the cold you know the preciousness of warmth. When you have suffered, you know how to appreciate the elements of paradise that are present.

Don’t ignore your suffering, but don’t forget to enjoy the wonders of life, for your sake and for the benefit of many other beings, as well.  

Negative experiences at first sight, have the ability to help us to find our path of deliverance and salvation in live. You most of the times only have to turn around.

Other people do not let you suffer, you only do that yourself. Mud in your life, and of course still not at all always attractive at first sight, is needed to live your existence more deeply and to enjoy those things that are also available for you to grow and share as a wonderful Lotus flower.

Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight“Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.”

Friday, May 12, 2017

Deepening my life. I say farewell to (social) media. Perhaps I'll find my life back even more.

On request, I would like to give some more explanation and information in relation to a post I posted on social media on May 3rd about quitting my (social) media.

This May 20th I will start to further deepen, step by step, my life. One of the first things I will do is to say farewell to (social) media by closing my Facebook and Twitter accounts. Will I become a hermit? I do not think so.

Feel free to still follow my blogs because I will go on with them. The frequency will not be any longer every week. I will only write and post my blog if I have anything to share and I have enough time to write it. If you want to become my ‘blog follower’ just sign up ( This can even be anonymous if you want to choose for that. Again, just feel free. New is that I will start May 20th 2017 with a weekly Photoblog. Posting every week a picture of my life and/or experiences. If you want to see or follow please check:

And can I not be reached at all any longer? For sure I can be reached. Just use my website ( or use the email address ( I will still be available like I am on the LinkedIn network. Be aware I generally respond within two days.

Quitting (social) media are part of my movement to create more living time and space. Time to really connect. I have not listened to the radio for about five years now (except sometimes for music (without screaming marketing in between). Newspapers not any longer for me. And, looking back, my television is already at rest for five years as well. Sporadically I switch it on to ‘connect’ with the 'world news'. My attention is drawn to a text bar that shows me how the Dow Jones and AEX indexes are rising or falling. I really was interested in that news and therefore not at all waiting for that very disturbing indexes.
Maybe tomorrow the sun will not rise for me. A "rich" may be poor, a "poor" man rich. I am not willing to get insomnia or even possible a heart attack because of money or economy. I have seen enough of all of this already in my life so far. And not watching television for me has nothing to do with any believe, religion or even Buddhism. It's my free choice.

I want to connect and enjoy even more with what LIFE is for me. Face-to-face contact. Feeling. Engaged connection with guests who cross my path. Connection to nature, mirroring so much about how to live life, go with the flow and how to let go. Further study, growing even more intensely. And I need more time and less disturbance to live this way. Reason that I want less external influences or disturbances. It's just my choice. And yes, I know I'm going to miss some information or things possibly as well. And still I think and feel my choice will offer me more in my further development and personal discovery journey.

We are getting more and more addicted to our digital world connection devices. Social media is getting less and less social. More and more, it is an exhibition of everything that sounds and looks like happiness and regularly with collective lamentation. “Connected” with everyone and everything and feeling and following as a member of the tribe. Sometimes it really plops up in my mind if we can and will survive without internet. In my view, the world at that moment will collapse. People meet each other. How to connect (again). We unlearned that skill.

I want to go back to even more LIVING my life. I am no longer longing for magazines that initially appeal to me. Discovering I first have to turn six pages of advertising to find a first small sometimes interesting article that I actually purchased. Save my time, the effort and the money. I'm looking for and will find it if I want to know more in a direct way without all this marketing “to keep the price of the magazine low…??? Don’t let me laugh about this.).

Everything you give attention grows. We are giving less and less attention to what our lives really are about. That is at least my experience. That wake-up call comes - and often too late - when we grow older or suddenly face an accident or, for example, a serious illness ourselves or of love ones. Then life values often suddenly shift (to what the real meaning of life is). That was true to me too.

I nearly only see people who are ‘prisoners’ of their digital devices. In a 24-hour daily routine, following everything. They simply accept that they can be disturbed 24 hours a day and obviously seem to enjoy it. Even during love making or serious conversations. Running away for themselves, less feeling lonely, help them to survive boredom. In my opinion, a waste of life-time.

It's absolutely not wrong to keep up with what's happening in and around you. But should that be everything that’s going on in the world? Should the information be drenched from marketing? Have you ever thought that emotion is the main and essential drive for 'news value'? Is it all necessary to know? Does it make your life or other people their life’s easier? Better? What do you have to do with it? It makes you restless, anxious and regularly brings you out of balance, creates even insomnia.
And yes, sometimes in a positive way it also helps you to prepare yourself for things that possible could happen to you. And ... do you already know that what will happen to you? Or do you create all kind of stories in your mind creating illusions and preparing yourself to solve the problems you only created by this illusions?
Suffering, worrying, wasting time. It never comes to an end and does not solve any problem. Questioning yourself "why?" for instance. Never a clarification. Or comments like "…but" indicate that you do not really agree. Did it solve anything? Will it bring you further or closer to any solution?

We live more and more in a world in which material values, power, and "I" perform on top. A world full of tricks to make human interconnection seem real. All of our ‘communication support resources’ bring us further away from conversation and real communication. How is it possible, with all our devices, communication in families and at work is still so bad? These support resources confuse you, make you worry, distract and often we do not even know what we should believe or not.

All those (social) media support our judging. Our labelling. Sticking (most of the time unwholesome) labels. To ‘like’, ‘dislike’ or add another emoticon. Something that I actually also do with this blog. It does not stimulate at all to help us to be more curious in other people their meaning (there part of the bigger truth).
We think we are free, being more and more in information and marketing prison cells. Privacy? Gone! Once it was such a ‘valuable’ thing.

If you really want to be free, it has to start in yourself. First step in this is to know yourself better. Perhaps even confronting or facing the war within yourself. Contemplating, learn and study about yourself, your lifestyle (seen as the way you use to respond to situations in your life).Turn off and guard all sorts of distractions. Especially the ones you cannot change at all. And is that selfish? Why would that be selfish? Do not you just have to share your uniqueness with the world around you? Learn and live the uniqueness then first. With that (your) uniqueness, you will make the best contribution to the whole. Everybody else is already taken. Be yourself and first of all know yourself better. Disruptions can be missed on that path. Become and stay the master of your own live.

Start small. In your own close environment. Engagement for and with the whole world is not asked of you. Find the human connection and resume it. Restore conversation. Enjoy more of things that are already waiting for you. You do not see them because you are standing on top of them and looking into the future. Do not look too far ahead (the most insane (my present thought about it) training I ever got to imagine what and where I would like to be in five years’ time ...). Management tricks to help you not to enjoy living life now. What about next week? Isn’t that much smarter and don’t you LIVE much more? After all, you run out of time. So enjoy your time left.

I want to go on that journey. No, not as a hermit but just in full connection. And for this I release other "connections" to give myself more time.

Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight“Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.”

Friday, May 5, 2017

Annoyance of love babies? Many kinds of Nanny's solve this problem. Success for the future guaranteed? Don’t be sure.

And again I realize that I'm from another generation. It just appears to me, at the resort where I work, last week in a nearby restaurant, at the international schools nearby, but also - with very happy faces - on social media. The so-called love babies can be sweet ... and yet, they also cause a lot of inconvenience I notice over and over again.

More and more 'nanny ways' appear. Children's kindergartens, pre-school and after-school shelters, digital nanny's like television or just a few days ago on i Phones and tablets on the table in the restaurant I was in (children of not even one year old), and more and more specialized (cheap) ladies from other different cultures that take care of children (human nanny’s). The once-so-very much and out of love wanted children appear to be very often a very disturbing factor for many people in relation to their life style and career path.

Informing cautiously about the background of all this digital or physical 'Nanny's, I got answers as:
"We have such nice and lovely children, but we asked ourselves; “Do they have to disturb our career?". "We also have a life.". "Life (our life) is simply expensive and we want to be honest about it, it's important to get money for the mortgage and our holidays, and that’s taking the responsibility to work both you know?" "We earn together much more so it’s easy to pay our (cheap) nanny." "Sorry, but taking care of growing up children is not really my thing. Never learned.". "After my work, I also want to relax, I also have a social life and twice a week to the fitness center and once a week playing golf for networking and getting rid of stress is not too much." "You know, we're even supporting employment in this poor country." "Isn’t it great to offer your children the opportunity to play with other children at day care or kindergarten?".

And more and more families who come here at the resort I live take their private nanny to take even care of their children during the family holidays. Even on vacation, parents do not really take or have time for real connection with their children. The I Phones, tablets and laptops keep them in control. The connection (and control) on the children has been outsourced. And that has its price but ... you get so much in return (or not so much?). No stress, me-time, rest. Not all that hassle of captivating children around you. And if you go out for dinner, then you will put on a nice cartoon for your children and you can stay connected online as well with the outside world. You must not miss anything. Friends and work are waiting for your necessary (?) response. Do your friends and does your work really respect you? What choices in your life do you make to LIVE life?

Children more and more become a product. Parents take less and less time to share (and teach) sincere and true and unconditional love. Love is 'simply' and 'simple' outsourced. Children can have a lot of input. What ultimately becomes the output is just the question. And commercialization plays a hand in it. Isn’t it scary how much advertising is made especially for children? Attention, lack of true love and so lack of human connection energy plays a big role. To make a distinction between educating by yourself or outsourcing the raising of your children, connect them with the digital nanny like the TV and / or smartphone, is actually a consideration that, taken from my generation, wasn’t even an option. And yes... it's quite easy to step in the trap of getting more time to make money to live a ‘happy’ life. Ever thought (in advance before getting a love baby) how much money and time it cost to raise a child or children? Too often I hear the story; "In a few years finally my children will leave, they can take care of themselves, looking forward to have time again to spend together ..." What do you actually say?

Perhaps for people who do not have children yet, the idea to think through if you as well want to follow the ‘generally accepted standard’ and the (on the outside) happy family life your friends show you. Perhaps you have the guts to deviate. Be aware the world around you often calls this selfish. An easy label.

Having children is much more responsibility than you often think. Most of the time you will only find out if you already have them. It’s not at all 'all happiness' and/or outsourcing responsibilities as if it’s a kind of business relationship. If I ever get the opportunity to live a next life, out of the experience I have now, I want a life without the responsibility of children. (Be aware this is not a shock for my children, they know my thoughts, I am happy they are in my life and we feel, express and share (unconditional) love together). There are already more than enough children around in this world and it’s not at all my intention to keep our name high or the ‘family tree’ growing.

I am so happy, in my live, to have had personal caring parents. Parents that always were available for me. Parents that were so connected with me (and I with them) that not even a single word was needed to feel what was going on in our lives. They were my personal live coaches and managers for a long time. Learning me how to survive, how to deal with living life, with love, with connection, with emotions. Unconditionally  they where there to give me physical, mental, emotional, environmental and even spiritual safety. The door was not always open at all. There was not even a door, even no threshold. And that single babysitter that sometimes came? An adventure!

And when I look back on my life so far ... in my opinion, I have never missed something. I played on the street with children out of my neighborhood. Just like I still see in the village I live now in Thailand.  And if you were all dirty or under mud, nobody worried about getting a bad illness. You just built up resistance. It helped you to stay healthy in a natural way.

What a life in sincere and lasting connection with those people who have ever delivered me out of their love on this world. Success assured? 100% Sure! The current situations ...? Don’t ask yourself ever the question (if it’s too late) why do our children not understand us ??? We gave them so much…

Thank you guys, Mom and Dad, for all the opportunities you gave me your way! I do not think any nanny can ever resist it. Happy you always where there face-to-face, for me.

Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight“Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.”