Friday, June 29, 2018

I am getting younger by the day and am wonderfully made.

Exactly today I reached the age of 61 years young. Yes, young, and a typical Cancer / Rooster personality.

For several years already I am a Eucharistic Minister at The Sacred Heart Cathedral in Chiang Mai. Since about half a year now also a cantor, singing responsorial psalms, on a regular base.

Last Sunday, so just five days before my birthday, I was serving and singing in the church again. The psalm I was invited to sing said: ‘I praise you, for I am wonderfully made’. Preparing myself for singing this psalm helped me to think about this quote. And actually it came up in my mind I fully agree with that statement.

I am a process and a product of love. Not a single thing is wrong on and with my heart, my mind, my soul and my body. No marketing needed to help me to doubt this lived understanding. So… I am not really good for the economy.
No changes at all need to be made. And although my body, like every other person, is aging… my mind and soul are getting younger by the day. My heart is open to give and receive love and I feel no boundaries for that.

No regrets about the past. Mistakes were and are lessons, not telling me I am a mistake. Living life is a lifetime learning process, like learning to walk. An ongoing process of standing up one more time than falling down to make steps forwards.

Doing Kundalini Awareness Yoga, Meditation and some normal workouts on a daily base help me to feel great and to honor and challenge the temporary temple of my soul, my body. No punishments or special diets. Managing, and also enjoying the pleasures of and in, my life. Being together with my girlfriend, like today, drinking a glass of wine. A beer for instance at the Mae Rim Friday market. Just to enjoy, no overkill.

No, or at least as less as possible, negative influences in my life that bother my mind any longer. Not following the ‘news’ in newspapers, radio and on television. Being satisfied and happy with what I already have and living by the day. No need to get ‘more’ or reach goals. Not disturbed anymore by what I thought people were thinking about me. Publications on the internet, social media, etc.. Just and only being more and more aware of living my purpose and values of life.

A free ‘puppy’ inside (my inner child) being myself and ongoing feeding and keeping young and alive all my talents and gifts from Jester to Shaman.

Actually, I am more than grateful this day again that I understand I am really wonderfully made and getting younger by the day.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, June 22, 2018

What is the 'Power Bank' of your relationship?

Last week in my blog I shortly mentioned that what more and more people nowadays see as their best relationship, their I-phones or tablets, need energy, power. And it is more and more common people have so called ‘power banks’ to keep this ‘relationship’ running. In that blog I asked myself what actually is the ‘power-bank’ of human relationships?

Asking myself that question I planted a kind of seed in my mind to find answers on that question. Not that I am the specialist in that but who knows it can be interesting to share my thoughts and who knows it helps to get insights.

Just a couple of things that came up in my mind:
# Staying ‘All-one’.
Meaning this. All-one is different than alone or lonely. Self-love and attention is the basic key to being all-one. If you do not take care of yourself first how can you be there for 100% for the world around you? And I do not mean in a material way. Self-love has to do with being able to be the manager of your own life. In most cases you are not. Your thoughts are the master and you only follow.

All-one has to do with feeling in optimal and balanced condition of Mind, Emotions, your physical body, the connection with your environment of energy takers and energy givers (causal part) and spiritual (don’t mix that up with religion).

If your self-love is overflowing, you can share that overflowing love with the world around you. And if there is a love connection between partners this is a magnificent energy that is flowing. If there, for whatever reason, is no bond any longer, this does not say that you are out of balance because you always and still are all-one.

# Communication and understanding.
Communication is really an art. Mindful communication learns to listen in a curious way first without immediately judging. Very hard to do and you can learn. The art of communication has nothing to do with our mobile devices. It has everything to do with face-to-face conversation. Being really available for each other.
Understanding is another art. During a meeting for instance we think, if we are telling something in relation to the theme of the meeting, people are listening and trying to understand. Most of the time it is not true. They use the timeframe you are speaking to make up their own story to express immediately after you finished talking. The nice thing is they only think other people are listening so they can and will understand. This is not true. Only one or two ‘key words’ people hear are enough to start their thinking process to make their own story again. So what about listening? Most meetings are just wasting time…
Understanding is the willingness to open yourself to not only to take the time to listen to the story someone is telling. It is listening in the role of curious observer. And if judgmental thoughts come up you can use them as a mirror of your background of knowing only your truth as a part of the truth. Understanding has everything to do with showing respect to discover the bigger truth.

# Cultivating loving kindness
This has everything to do with your basic posture and life-style. For cultivating loving kindness you need to be connected with your heart and must be willing to open your heart to send and receive Metta. Connecting energy. Not being scared to be harmed and with the right intentions to connect and even to heal if necessary.

# Compassion
In compassion you do not take care of but you take care about without upsetting yourself. Actually you stay in the role of observer. Thich Nhat Hanh explains compassion is a verb. Being there to listen, to take care if needed (only showing that you are there / available instead of thinking and without asking starting to act because you think what the other person needs). Compassion is being sensitive and connected but without personal suffering. A doctor, as example, need to show compassion but he does not have to suffer with his patients. If the doctor suffers, he cannot help.

# Joy
If there is no joy in a relationship the relationship is dead. Joy of being together, of being playful and totally yourself and feeling accepted, of exploring each other deeper and deeper. Joy in being creative and happy with each other. A sensual and exciting discovery journey in challenging each other’s minds, hearts, souls and bodies. There is always more to learn and discover unless you let ‘laziness’ take over because what once was your soul mate is not interested anymore…

# Inclusiveness.
Unconditional accepting the other person the way he/she is with his/her whole programming, habits and acting. Not always an easy job I can tell.

Like the power banks for our mobile devices also the ‘powerbanks’ for relationships have many forms, features, connectivity, power requirements and prices…

Invest to find your ‘best product’ for the ‘best price’. You are (both) worth it.  

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, June 15, 2018

Show and be happy with your real face, a selfie mostly is fake

More and more people have their I-phone or tablet as their best friend in life. It seems to be nowadays the most wonderful relationship you can have in your life. Day and night available for you, ‘connecting’ you with the world around and mastering your life. For them is it not even able anymore to stop clinging the addiction of their relationship with their technical devise, or use the ‘switch-off’ button any more. The only thing they need is energy. Marketing offers lots of additional ‘power-banks’ to keep the friendship / relationship running. 

Compare with human relationships that really need other ‘power banks’ but maybe in another blog.

This week I want to share some thoughts about the happiness and gratefulness of the human face and natural smile.

For me it seems there are not so many people anymore, and especially ladies, who are proud to be themselves. Walking here in one of the many shopping malls, opening magazines and watching the most photo shopped and by ‘filters’ changed pictures of faces show me that many people are really afraid to show the beauty they really, authentic and so natural are. 
And do not get me wrong, I certainly love that little finishing touch, but not the paintings people make of themselves. Idiosyncratic works of art behind which they try to hide themselves. What a misery for their partners who meet reality in the evening. Better to turn off the light quickly ... Is there any safety procedure for this to rescue themselves from this?

For a while I had a Thai girlfriend who was really shy to show her face as I discovered after a short while. For the night the day make-up was turned into a really wonderfully made night painting. A real great job because I did not even notice it until I came home a little earlier than planned. A shock for her for me a possible liberation for her because I want to love her the way she really is ... Unfortunately it did not work out this way.

With the introduction of the so called ‘social’ media also a new ‘Selfie culture’ started to grow. People show their happy smiles and believe the world around them think they are totally happy. Playing a mind game with themselves to believe the world around believes that. Everybody else does do so… why not being part of that family or community as well?

A lot of times I stand still, I stop to observe the most wonderful ways, with or without ‘selfie sticks’ how people want to show themselves on the social media. Changing, for a split second their face and their smile in a, for them, not natural way.
It is so much fun to see the face change in the natural position immediately after the press on the button of the phone or connected Selfie-stick.

It brings me more and more fun, and with that I am even supported to keep my natural smile steady.

What a fake world we think other people believe in, not appreciating and honoring the natural beauty all of us got as a most wonderful gift in our lives.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, June 8, 2018

The universe works. You only have to be silent to connect with it.

In my experience and practice, I learned there is more between heaven and earth. And is that woolly or floaty? In any case, not any longer my ‘label’ anymore I many times immediately put on it to condemn it ridiculously to the background.

I notice already my whole life I get over and over and more and more signals from that Universe. Sometimes so strong that some people occasionally became afraid of it. I know the backgrounds of those forces and my children know much about it too.
I even notice that I am regularly used as a kind of channel and several people who have done programs with me got the experience during chats, coaching and exercises. They, as well as I, many times got goose bumps.

And it is only a matter of being silent and to open yourself up to make it happen and/or to listen. Sometimes accompanied or initiated by a ritual. As for example, working with my labyrinths. You can see it as, or compare it with, shamanism. Nothing strange. I am still basically a constructional engineer and fire officer, and I more than strongly rooted with two legs on and into the ground.

For me those forces show that your life can not go wrong at all. That you are not just alone and the only one behind the steer wheel of your life. There are forces that want to work with you, who want to steer with you and are willing to influence you to stay on the for you right track (sometimes not seen by yourself yet). Who even keep an eye on you and protect you or give you better opportunities if something seems to go wrong in only your eyes.

I could write a book from my many experiences. And be sure that many people will say from their programming; "Well, that Frans really totally lost his way being in Thailand for already six years". I like to turn that statement around. I found and find that way more and more;). It is a more than fantastic experience and with it I support flow and insights in other people. Growing by sharing.

Last week again some nice examples. I just want to share only one of them.

In 2010 my (Dutch) book: "Speurtocht naar persoonlijk meesterschap” (Search for personal mastery) was published. In that book I wrote down several quotes from interesting people in my life. Masters in my life for me. Teachers, people I worked with and who brought me meaningful and inspiring things, thoughts and insights. Things that made me think about the deeper meaning of a lot of things in my life, things happening between people and in the world around me.

Last week I received an e-mail from the wife of a pastoral worker (Bernard van Lamoen) from Middelburg (The Netherlands) with whom I did a parishes merging project for a big part of the Catholic community of Zeeland Province.
To my great regret I heard that her husband had died at the end of December last year.

For me this man had a beautiful and gentle deeper wisdom in many areas. And of course that also had to do with his profession. Captivating and binding people.
He once made a wonderful comment about "letting go". I included that wisdom in my book.

His wife, whom I hardly know and only saw for the last time about seven years ago, is still in the natural process of letting go. In her mail she writes me:

"Pondering and walking through my room last week, during a moment of doubt, sorrow and loss, I suddenly stood in front of our bookcase. My attention was drawn to your inconspicuous book. I took the book in my hand and opened it exactly on page 110. There I found what I just needed at that moment.

You quoted:

“Letting go is a continuous exercise from fear to trust.
Let your fear only warn you but not take over.”

(Quote of: Bernard van Lamoen, Pastoral worker in Middelburg, June 21st 2009).
How beautiful is this? "

For me, these kinds of messages and emails from people are things that touch me deeply and matter.

Great that the universe works, helps me and uses me to help others.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Friday, June 1, 2018

Change Self-Improvement into Self-Understanding. A life in flow without inner conflict.

A couple of weeks ago I had a Skype conversation with a couple I met some years ago. They are in a process of individual transformation as well as in a process of transformation in (strengthening) their relationship. It was a nice chat about needed change in the circumstances they both were in, in life and work.

The day after the nice talk we had, having made some notes on a piece of paper, I started to contemplate on things we told each other.
I remember in my life I worked a lot on self-improvement. Actually all necessary in the many jobs I did and, in my opinion, necessary to make steps forward in my carrier. Also necessary in the personal relationships I had and the different situations in those relationships, like running with my partner a newly composed family. I studied a lot, did many courses and training's and succeeded.

Actually now I understand even more I succeeded in changing myself. I am sure there is nothing wrong with personal development and for me that’s different than Self-Improvement.
Self-Improvement has to do with changing yourself step by step to ‘fit’ in a better way in a situation you have to deal with. Family life or work related.

In Self-Improvement you learn all kind of skills, behavior and ways of using your so called ‘strengths and weaknesses’ to reach ‘successes” or goals. Now I got more and more the idea actually I was dissatisfied with myself. Maybe even jealous. I can be honest I even wanted my parents to be proud of me in the positions that were possible to reach in my career.
An ongoing process of wanting to reach more and willing to change myself. Maybe even dealing with self-intolerance which only grows even more with every effort that I made to change myself.

Now I understand this became even part of the process to get my burn-out. Any change you achieve is always accompanied by inner conflict. So, continuously consuming energy.
I am very happy and thankful I got the opportunity living in Thailand to find my Self back. Not disturbed by what the world around me thinks of it. I am myself and out of that being myself I share.

Why did I follow the regular ‘system’ of self-improvement? Was I doomed to go to sleep having passively accepted everything in myself and around, if I abstained from all efforts to change myself?

Now I know there is another way besides hard self-pushing on the one hand and motionless acceptance on the other. It is the way of Self-Understanding.

This is not easy, certainly not in the world, culture and circumstances most of us are living in, because to understand what and who you are requires total freedom from all desire to change what and who you are into something else.

If what you attempt is not to change yourself but to observe yourself, to study every one of your reactions to people and things, without judgment, criticism or desire to reform yourself, your observation will be nonselective, widespread, never fixed on firm conclusions, always open and fresh from moment to moment.
Then you will notice a marvelous thing happening within you. You will be flooded with the light and insight of awareness, becoming transparent and transformed.

The big surprise… Change will appear in you and in your surroundings. But it will not be brought about by your calculating, restless ego that is forever competing, comparing, pressing, preaching, manipulating in its intolerance and its ambitions. Creating tension and conflict and resistance between you and Nature (an exhausting self-defeating process). You give Nature full rein to bring about graceful, unself-conscious, wholesome, change. Not corrupted by inner conflict.

Something I call a life in flow without inner conflict.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn InsightCatalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.