Titles often get in the way of relationships with others

In a reflection of a story, someone from America shared this quote a couple of weeks ago. It made me think and for me it is true.

Indeed, I also was happy and proud getting (some call it earning) titles in front of and after my name. Actually, they are/were work/job/business related. In my ‘home’ country, The Netherlands, we are a bit familial, quickly we call people by their first name.

I remember one of my first visits to Germany where a lady in a vegetable store was named “Frau Doktor” (Lady doctor). I thought by myself… what is this? Respect is a good thing but aren't there boarders? This lady, just like me, was only shopping. Why to call her Frau Doktor in the vegetable shop in her free time?

I also see it on business cards. People create the nicest titles to present themselves. Last week I got a business card from a person in Europe who presented himself as ‘President’ of his company. Checking that company, he was the only employee of it. It made me think but this nice show often works in the world.

With a title you, wanted or unwanted, show your ‘status’. Calling yourself president of your sole proprietorship for sure is a wanted one to show yourself important. Actually something to laugh about. Being a professor and being called professor (during work) is just a normal work-related thing. And even in a work relation titles create distance many times. 

Out of my own experience I also can say they attract people. For them it is nice to share with their environment they are part of your ‘network’. You never know it can bring them higher up. They ‘like’ you because of your title(s) and/or position but not because of the person you really and truly are.

I am member of an Expats Club here in Thailand. Most of the many members are retired and started to live here in Thailand to enjoy the last part of their life. Several members still want to be called for instance Dr.. I once asked a member who I also sometimes meet in another club about the background he still wants to be called by his title because for me it creates distance. Big eyes of him watching me...

In real, true and strong relationship with others, it is not about titles or position but about the connection between people who they truly and really are. That creates proximity and lasting connection.  

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

email: captijninsight@gmail.com 

Building blog:
https://pyramidhousethailand.blogspot.com 

Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

 

Cancer Treatment and Quality of Life

No, knock on wood, but till today, as far as I know, I am fortunately still in good health.

Last week many stories and experiences came together and I had a conversation with my partner about this subject. And what I'm sharing here is just a personal view that I have, with respect to other opinions.

About two weeks ago I removed large amounts of weeds here on our land. It made the gravel road on the site visible again and, above all, wider. A tough job. I once learned from a good friend that hoeing seems nice, but that you have to remove the deep roots in the soil to really be off weeds for a while. No sooner said than done and that was a tough job and heavy sweating. And ... succeeded (I thought).

What struck me was that various weed species spread like a kind of satellites underground uncontrollably and sometimes spread abnormally. But I succeeded in clearing the weeds with roots and clean the soil. And to be honest, it felt good after work. It looked neat and tidy again.

For less than a week! After a rain shower the weeds returned in full. That good feeling was short lived.

What does this have to do with the title "Cancer Treatment and Quality of Life"?

I received an email from the wife of a school (childhood) friend that her husband had died of a malignant brain tumor. In my family, friends and circle of acquaintances there are various people who suffer from health problems (often forms of cancer). And in the course I am taking recently, there was also talk again about dying.

Although we usually don't want to talk about it, dying is something linked to being born. No one can escape whether you are rich or poor or whatever and whoever you think you are proposing. And you can't take anything with you. After all, everything you 'own' is only temporarily borrowed. 

That weeds reminded me of cancer and the treatment of it as I know from many stories. And fortunately, there is more and more knowledge and more and more possibilities to slow down or even stop cancer in some cases. But, maybe hard to say, you're going to die (although maybe not from cancer if you would have (had)).

I know and hear many stories about the often very difficult treatments against cancer. The daily amounts of medicines, radiation treatments and also Chemotherapy. Many of those treatments are suffering severely. Everything aimed at fighting or slowing down the cancer and temporary extending your life. Many times it's the same as with those weeds with cancer. I still remember the treatments of my mother and also of my far too young cousin (21) who unfortunately could not win their fights even following their severe treatments.

My oldest brother also died of cancer. He decided not to fight and not to make use of the pills and chemotherapy advised by the doctors in order to stretch his life for a few more months (in misery). His consideration was what quality of life there would be and why and for what reason you (still) want to follow these treatments. Isn't it a surrender to your natural end of your life path called death? He passed away six weeks later.

In the conversation with my girlfriend it was about that quality of life. Everyone is running out of time. Let’s face it. And the older we get (or want to continue working), the less of that quality time remains. Our wish is to live that time as well as possible, in a high quality. And in many cases, this is no longer even possible due to health problems. What is your quality of life? Live NOW and sometimes worry less about things that life is not really all about.

I share that view of my brother. And the way I look at it now, that cup of medicines, radiation and chemo therapy, if it would come to that for me, may pass.

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

email: captijninsight@gmail.com 

Building blog:
https://pyramidhousethailand.blogspot.com 

Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

Beautiful nature more and more destroyed

My daughter Carlien has been living and working in Perth Australia for several years now.

Last weekend her boyfriend had rented a camper and they went out together along the coastline towards the North of Australia. Last Wednesday she sent me several photos that they had taken during their trip. Dolphins, whales, beautiful scenery, birds. I am posting a few of them with this article.

How beautiful nature is and how we all help to overthrow that same nature.

Record after record is broken with higher temperatures, floods and natural disasters. Nature strikes back. Sad how in our 'me', 'get', 'have' and 'disposable' society we don't much care much about future generations, it seems.

The current worldwide virus is weakening a bit in most countries and you can also see that in the increase of air pollution. We actually learn nothing at all and pick up the thread as much as possible as it was. With nowadays 7,800,000,000 people as world population, we go on ruining our planet. Whether our lifestyle will ultimately bring the most happiness and if much beautiful nature will be left for generations after us is the question for me.

That beauty of nature cannot be fooled ...

 

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

email: captijninsight@gmail.com 

Building blog:
https://pyramidhousethailand.blogspot.com 

Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

What was and am I actually terribly spoiled

Just in front of me a scooter, with a woman and two children on it, turns. Nobody wears a helmet. However, a mouth mask. Funny to see when we talk about safety.

A turtle is crossing the road. They had seen it and picked it up. Mother put it in the basked in front. A delicacy and for sure it will be a kind of Christmas dinner. Sure, not a daily dinner routine.

A few weeks ago, the three of us (without masks) on the scooter (Dog Kadhow without helmet but we with) also saw one crossing. We helped him / her to a safe area.

In the late evening, almost night, people from the village walk through the fields with headlamps. Looking for toads, rats and in the trees snakes. They are sold on the market and also eaten themselves. It is a small source of income ...

People here live in different ways. However, houses are different and the way people live life in them is different as well. Actually, not comparable and it seems that living is not really a priority. More it is the shelter against sun and rain. When I look around me, it does not really show to me, seen from my culture, a way of 'feeling home'. But I am just wrong. It’s just my opinion because of my background. People may feel much more at home here than in my former home country for instance. Generally, not a luxury way. And yes, a TV is part of it. The car seems more important than the house. And how the house looks like or the level of maintenance. In many cases not really a priority. And whether or not it only has to do with "being poor"? I wonder.

After living here for more than eight years, you can assume that my holiday feeling is somewhat over.

And living in the countryside, almost no foreigner to be seen here, really brings you into contact with the true culture and way of life of the people here.

I am less and less surprised. More and more it is "normal" while, when I think about it, it is not at all normal for me.

"Holy cow" which was and am I actually spoiled. And whether that is better, I dare not say.

I also feel at home here. And yes, we live differently from the average resident here and our plans for the future with our building process also look different.

Here too, the Internet shows how you can buy happiness. You must have more. In fact, it is destroying this fantastic culture where the older generation still settles for little, knows how to relax and enjoy the basic things and the family feeling that life is really about.

Great to be able to get this insight from that mother with her children who is picking up a turtle ...

Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

email: captijninsight@gmail.com 

Building blog:
https://pyramidhousethailand.blogspot.com 

Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.