Friday, October 28, 2016

Remembrance and grief. Different approaches.

Note: Out of respect for the Thai people, Thai culture and the national declared mourning period I decided not to publish this week the English public blog about this theme. 
It will be delayed till after the mourning period.
Thank you for your understanding. Feel free if you have any questions.

Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight“Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.”

Friday, October 21, 2016

Greeting each other. Showing respect and inviting the other to show his or her uniqueness.

When people greet each other, in the western world they shake hands. "Hey! Nice to see you again. How are you doing?" The standard answer usually is; "Good!". Maybe that's a good thing. If you after all should express that it's not going so well… then there is a sudden disruption in the standard protocol and/or response. Some time is needed to find the right words or way to deal with it. And what’s wrong when things in people’s lives are not always going perfect all the time. Who actually is living this kind of life? Nobody so isn’t it not more than normal people respond, honest, to tell you things are not going well?

In my previous job as regional fire-chief and CEO of Public Physical Safety, I regularly attended meetings in the region, the country or internationally. And certainly in the work environment it is expected to show your so-called networking skills. Actually everyone does do this his or her way in this kind of meetings. It was even part of my job description. Does not everybody has a 'target' to achieve? And often you come to these meetings to find and meet the people that can help you in achieving that goals. So you're just primarily focused for those people. And this has its work-out in the real attention that people with that "Hello!" and shaking hands have for you. You feel sometimes no connection at all, and often people do not even make eye connection. They are looking around trying to find the people that are really valuable for them. It's more shaking hands out of "politeness", although actually very impolite. Or a so-called sincere greeting with an acted laugh because we do not want the outside world to know/see that we actually do not really like the other person is visiting this meeting as well.

With shaking hands you get a real physical connection. It allows both persons to look each other in the eyes (giving the chance to touch the mirrors of the soul for a short while) to feel the energy from each other. Most of the time we are not even aware of this wonderful gesture and opportunity. Literally to touch, to make contact, with another unique personality (and everyone is a personality).

In the culture where I live this touching of each other (not even only shaking hands) is not there. It is not at all common. Therefore, the relationship must be longer and stronger and essentially there should be a foundation of built up trust. Family in this country is number one. All the rest comes later. A kind of first see which way the wind blows. You can also see it as showing respect for each other. And in greeting gesture here, the ‘Wai’, people show an enormous respect and even an invitation to the other person.

Just because there can be so much more value and connection in greeting each other (than lots of times disinterested shake hands) this blog to make you more aware about this.

The "Wai", is the Thai way of greeting and showing respect. The "Wai" is formed by your hands to make the shape of the bud of a lotus flower at the height of your chest / heart and to bow your head slightly a little bit forward. The "Wai" is a unique, graceful act that is used as a greeting throughout Thailand and which forms an important role in Thai etiquette and expressing respect. In Buddhism the lotus flower is associated with the Buddha.

In the Thai / Buddhist culture people do assume that a Buddha is in every person. That's nothing sacred (Buddhism is not a religion). That Buddhahood they see as a seed that is present in every human being to do good and to share what is in him or her. To show and share his or her natural strength and unique set of talents to fulfil his / her mission. Acting like this is supporting your personal growth and wisdom but building up growth and wisdom of society as well in the best and most natural way.

When greeting - or answering a greeting - with the Wai you actually say:

"A lotus for you, the Buddha to be."

You show respect to the other person and offer him or her a lotus (the gesture with your hands). In addition, you invite the other person to show the uniqueness of him- or herself. All you have to do is to be, more do not have to share. Be yourself and sustain. The world around is only waiting for that.

In Dutch a kind of the saying: “Just do normal, that’s crazy enough.” Just show who you really are and do not play games. How different I experienced in the world I lived and work in for many years with all status and position play. And yes, I participated as well and sometimes did the same.

Doing the Wai you show respect to the status of the other. Younger people first greet the elderly.
Someone with a very high status (a monk, the king) you greet not out of the heart but at the height of your forehead (touching with your hands (thumbs) the sixth chakra / third eye).
Children greet their parents with their hands in front of their nose (the organ connected with breathing / life). They thereby show respect to their parents because their parents gave them the air to breath.

Schoolchildren and students greet their teachers with the Wai in front of their mouths. This respect (in my opinion in the West and certainly in secondary schools almost impossible still to find) is significant; "We have learned in every situation to keep our mouth shut first. The teacher is here to teach us something. You should first listen to understand”. Something, moreover, that does not mean that you as a student always have to keep your mouth shut. That you have to take everything as told or explained. It invites you first to be patient. To listen first. So if you discover afterwards you can submit something with respect you ask for further explanation or add something so everybody can learn and/or grow even more.

Connecting, showing respect and inviting other people to just be yourself. Be nice, share your uniqueness. That’s the only quest.  For me a warm(er) experience.

Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight“Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

Friday, October 14, 2016

Your world of possibilities and opportunities is much bigger than you think.

Every time for me it’s a wonderful experience when our guests discover they have a world of possibilities and opportunities to get flow in life again. It’s just taking the time to get this insight.

We live in an incredibly busy world. Actually we make ourselves busy and everybody thinks this is normal because everybody is doing busy. The pace of life is often wild, our minds are always busy, and we’re always doing something. A study from the Buddhist University shows that, in general, our minds are nearly 50 percent (50% of our lifetime) lost in thoughts. This mind-wandering helps us suffering and mind-wondering actually destroys our feeling of happiness and causes stress. Happiness you can see as peace of mind. The mind not at all is at peace. And because we want to be always and with everything connected, without even being aware, we raise this percentage more and more. Actually running away from ourselves not giving our mind a single second of attention.

Our programming and busy-ness keeps us away from contemplating on our self. And because we are stuck in our ideas, our view, our truth, a lot of times we do not see any solution or possibility to get flow in our lives again or to solve problems in private life or business life.

Everything you give attention grows. Your programming in the past, your lifestyle (see it as the way you respond to situations), is always helping you to label, to judge, to cling on your ideas, your truth. Even if other people are willing to be available for you, you start a debate because they see things different than you and that’s not what you want. So it takes you a lot of effort (thinking again) how to change your outside world to feel more happy. Possibly you buy something new for you to make yourself (temporary) happy, you drink some alcohol or take a sigaret. But this is not a sustainable solution.

We are always doing, going on mind-wondering, always running. Even running away for ourselves. We are not even aware, in my opinion are not even willing, to take the time to discover the huge field of opportunities and possibilities that are waiting for us.

When did you take ten minutes time to do nothing? Undisturbed nothing? A state of ‘nothing to attain’. No texting, no music, radio or TV, no reading, no speaking, no eating, no e-mailing, no internet? Not even mind-wondering about the past or the future? When did you give your mind time to relax. To guard your mind? Actually to take real “I-time”? Simply being available experiencing the here and now for instance in nature.

Our mind is our main and most valuable resource through which we experience living moment to moment. We always rely upon it. It is always available to help us to stay safe and to survive. It helps us to adapt to every situation we are entering or are in. You can see it as the main computer. We take care of our physical body but how much time a day do you spend on and with only your mind?

Because of our mind we focus on situations we are in. Our programming helps us to focus and focus is attention. Most of the times clinging attention. In this attention we even want to find creativity to get flow in our life again.

As shown in the drawing aside this focused attention only helps us to see a part of the truth, a part of accessible solutions a part of the available possibilities, a part of the truth. Going on being more and more busy, focusing on a solution and not at all giving ten minutes a day time to our mind does not help us.

You can skip working hard to change the world around you. You can stop clinging on your desires and suffering about how to reach your goals. Not before but behind the camera is more sun shining. The only thing you need to do is to stop, to do nothing and give the camera a chance to turn 360°. To be able to see and be aware of the 360°panorama where you are in. Just doing nothing and taking distance to observe without judging.

That's a strange feeling in this busy world. What should other people think about you? Let other people think! Did you ever asked them if your thoughts of what you think they think are right? It’s the same of being anxious about the feeling of getting anxious. You only reinforce a ‘story line’ from the past.

Ten minutes a day doing nothing. Freeing your scoop on the problems you need to solve. It will change your life and, after some exercise, offers you at least one hour a day of opportunities an possibilities already waiting for you to get new flow in life, love, family, business, career and work.

Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight“Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

Friday, October 7, 2016

Status, position, successful? Often a temporary ‘hot air’ show.

Many people have the idea that they are not good at anything, that they are not able to be as successful as other people. They cannot be and feel happy; they envy the accomplishments and social standing of others while regarding themselves as failures if they do not have the same level of worldly success. They are suffering of an inferiority complex, from low self-esteem. They do not see the unique very good seeds they already have in themselves. And not knowing them they cannot develop them. They are only looking and striving for more, for being better. Actually for making themselves different than they really are.

First of all, if you make a mistake you are not a failure. You are learning. And about success… lots of time it is just an outside show. More and more I get this understanding working with many international successful people (on the outside).

It is just an illusion to think you are worthless. You are superior! Everybody is superior because you are unique. There is only one you of you and this you of you has the possibility, actually it’s the quest of your life, to grow and serve with the potential you have inside. NOT with other things and NOT in a way your environment tells you to do, but to fill the gap the world is waiting for. For you! Only to use your unique sets of talents and share them with the world. Doing this does not even feel as working. It is flow. You have already the master inside. Just show your superiority and use it being yourself.

We look at social status, positions and success of other people but do not even know what’s going on in this people’s live, what’s their underwater profile. Lots of times it is just a temporary ‘hot air’ show. In my life so far I have seen enough and I discover more and more it is a fake show in relation to, again temporary, power. I even knew people / managers who gave themselves a ‘higher’ social status by the amount of employees they had in relation to other directors. Some people gave them selves a higher status out of fear (narcissism) or in their way of ruling (Machiavelli).

Social status can be determined by your own achievements. Actually in the best and engaged way to show, work with and serve with your unique available talent-DNA. In this way is shows respect by others. This has nothing to do with being successful but with being yourself.
The other way is getting status by being placed in a position. That does not say that you already, or ever will get, respect. You have to earn it.
A last way of getting status is being placed in the stratification system by your inherited position (ascribed status). Like for example our King Willem Alexander of The Netherlands and our King Bhumibol of Thailand who both, because of their acting and connection with people and country, receive great respect. They are not working to get this respect. They are (or at least in the circumstances they are in) try to be their selves.

Status, position and success are all temporary. And when you are really hard working to be better and more successful than others there is never an end. There is always somebody else who is ‘better’. You will never come to an end. And the saddest part of all, you forget to give real attention to your own seeds. To water them so the master can be visible and touchable.

Many people who look successful show it in material things. A bigger house (more mortgage to pay and have to work harder), a higher ‘status’ brand of car (to help the outside world you are really happy and successful), designer cloths, even plastic / cosmetic / aesthetic surgery. And getting more and more successful there is less and less time to keep the life – work balance. And having the status at a certain moment you even need camera systems to guard your properties or sometimes even private guard. Discovering your success actually kidnapped your freedom and put you in a jail of stress, publicity, not being able to be your true self anymore.

And people who feel inferior think this is success. This is something to go for? This is the goal to be (un)happy?
When people having status resign in most cases immediately their status and power is gone. Actually this shows it is not a personal thing and status is temporary. The real personal thing, that does not fade away, is if respect from other people remains even without their position.

We are always busy getting ‘better’ than others. Because of this we miss ourselves and we miss living life a lot.

“The tragedy of life is not so much about what men suffer but what they miss.”
Thomas Carlyle (1795 – 1881)

Do not compare yourself with others who look to be more happy or successful. If you look more deeply within and get in touch with the wholesome seeds in you, you will be able to overcome your feelings of unworthiness and manifest your true nature. Your true master.

Are you doing the right thing? Do not waste your lifetime. How many more years are you are going to live to? Just be your natural self. Do not believe the ‘hot air’ show of status, position and success of others. 

And maybe a last additional thought. My mother used to say: "We are all the same. Everybody need to go to the toilet and maybe the people with 'status' use even cheaper toilet paper than you. And everybody has to take a shower and being naked be aware you are most of the time much more beautiful than the person you think is 'better'. So be yourself and be happy with that." 

Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight“Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.”