The value of taking the time for at least once a day enjoying a meal as a family together

For lots of people just a normal fact for lots not at all.

During a Dhamma talk (Buddhist teaching) I was told that according to Thai tradition, even though you might have three meals a day, there should be at least one of those meals when the whole family is together. To be aware of being together, to share thoughts and to learn from each other and from Dhamma (how to live life without suffering) and to be aware of eating. No television, no mobile devices. It is just a common way to truly connect.

It is a way of making your home a receptive and safe habitat.

“Some people claim that they are overburdened with work. However if you consider that the only reason that you spend so much time at work is to be a (or one of the) breadwinner(s) for your family to send your child to day care, to drive in an even more expensive car or a to live in a bigger bigger or even more comfortable house – then think again. If you are left with no time to bring up your children properly and your child gets addicted to heroin because of your negligence, a million dollars or Euro’s would be insufficient to rectify the problem”, the teacher told.   

He went on: “If on the contrary, you can get by while still finding sufficient time to give full attention to your child’s upbringing, then you will be rewarded (and you help the child to reward him/her self) when your child grows up into a virtuous example of a human being.”

Many parents make themselves ill in the rat race earning money for even more luxury and when they have the time to spend their money with their family they still are not even connected together. They still are connected with work because they think the work and the world cannot miss them. People call themselves manager but they cannot even manage their own life in a proper way (as was my own personal discovery years ago about my own life).

Bringing up children means more than just seeing that there is food on their plate, a roof above their head, that they can join all kind of clubs - where you have to organize or to stress-up to bring and pick them up again -, that they have the newest mobile devices (electronic nanny’s) so they can keep themselves busy and will not disturb you. The monk added.

Many parents, when it is too late, discover that they cannot change the past and are disappointed about what went wrong and why they did not see it. Actually at that moment it is a mirror that they didn’t take the ‘trouble’ to bring up the child properly, the monk told us.

The Buddhist teaching is that parents need to instil their children with virtue and to this end, both children and parents should see each other’s’ faces and take the time to deeply connect with each other across the dining table at least once a day. No mobile devices, no television, real personal connection open and willing not to hear each others talk but to understand."

This talk touched me. Thinking about my life in The Netherlands for a long time. Every morning seeing parents in a rush to sometimes literally ‘drop’ their children at day-care. Just before closing time of day care in the same or even more rush because they had to prepare for their personal evening activities, pick them up again.

My parents both were busy and hardworking people but they felt responsible and understood the art of raising a family and that there was time needed to stay connected with that what was going on in their household. So yes, we had at least one meal a day together and had really quality family time as the pictures showed to connect with each other (no mobile phone to see and indeed television switched off). 

And yes, even I got their wonderful example, I made in my early career years exactly the same mistakes as the monk described. Work was my life and to be honest it took its toll. Happy to took really the time for my children to connect with them. Nice when they are here to dive into lots of envelops full of pictures of the past that shows why we still have a strong connection with each other and with living life.

Be aware and take care. Time flies and never comes back again. Disconnect to connect…

Frans Captijn

Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

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