A few weeks back a lot of commotion. On Facebook messages
appeared intending Facebook announced that; “Everything you've ever posted
becomes public from tomorrow. Even messages that have been deleted or the
photos not allowed.” Channel 13 news (I've never heard about this channel but it
is certainly an unlucky number ;) ) talked about the change in the Facebook
privacy policy.
By posting a
statement on your profile you would again be “safe’ and your privacy guaranteed.
It turned out this post only was a – rapidly spreading - joke. It was
one of a number of viral Facebook hoaxes, presumably created entirely for the
enjoyment of the joker. Lots of people worrying about their loss of privacy
shared this statement, not knowing it was a hoax.
This week I was sent a
very short funny YouTube video
of a man, taking selfies of his wife and himself, during an argument she had
with him. He used taking selfies to calm her down and to show how happy and
living with a bright smile, they were together.
The combination of these two events gave me the idea to
share this blog about the illusion of privacy and the happy life we see in
today’s digital, and ‘social’ media world.
The question I asked myself was; “Do we still have any privacy?”
The neighbors who sometimes kept a watchful eye on us do not disturb our
privacy anymore. They are so attached to their mobile phones that they hardly are
interested in the things that are going on next door. However, with this loss
we do not have our privacy back.
My observation and experience is we lost it already a long time ago. It’s
only an illusion, something in our mind, think we still have her. Especially
living as a Dutchman abroad, you experience it is not just ‘Big brother’ keeping
an eye on us. There are many smaller ‘brothers’ and ‘sisters’ who do as well.
And we (or others are willing to do it for us) only nourish all the systems that
support us in the loss of our privacy. A continuous process. Confronted with
this suddenly, as with the fake messages on Facebook, we grumble or we try to ensure
that our privacy is “safe”. But we already lost her ... It's too late to get
back our privacy (I think).
It was and is our own free choice and responsibility to share things on,
for example, Facebook. Social media we - only be aware of it – we can use for
free (or we have the freedom to choose not to use it any longer. Something otherwise
that does not enhance privacy any longer.
All over the world we leave our prints. By traveling (global traceable connection
of our i-phones), purchases (pay by credit card), behavior (cameras at work, in
public, in stores, etc.), social media (showing and telling the bright side of
life and the continuous identification of places we are or we’re going), personal
messages about you on the internet about you (whether true or false) easy to
find on Google for example.
In short, it’s very easy to track us and to learn everything about us.
In the world
we live in is, perhaps unfortunately, it is nearly not possible any longer to
hide things or to be more private.
And why not share life like it really is? What actually is there to hide?
Hiding things even makes other people curious. Hiding therefore is an impulse
that makes others active to find creative ways to find out what is going on
(and in many cases - out of their own experience and truth - distribute their
own story).
Everyone has
long been a master in the knowledge that life is not only fine, nice and
fluffy. Not only love and light. There are always two sides,
two faces. There is light and dark in all things. But in the vast majority of cases only
the bright side is shown. Being afraid of what
other people possibly think about in our opinion the less fortunate
circumstances in our lives.
And yes, we have
and are unique personalities. We are not unique at all, that’s only in our
mind, in the things we are worrying about or affect us negatively; Job loss,
broken relationships, illness, perhaps, no peace of mind.
The growing
recognition that I have in what goes on in the lives of many people, gave me
the insight to believe the beautiful stories on social media less and less,
often simply no more. The fantastic stories and beautiful photos full of wide
smile veil regularly the underlying truth. They only show the 'perfect' show.
And; “The show must go on”.
When you believe everything what you see or read at Facebook, there
nearly should not be a world of suffering anymore. How different everybody’s
experiences…
I thought, therefore, being afraid of losing our 'privacy' maybe has to
do with the fear of showing in public the less sunny side of our life (And
again, we are not unique like our life, everyone’s life has a story).
And thus we may miss quite a few chances. Chances to get some free help,
creative insights, new directions to find, etc.. for those problems or
circumstances we are facing. After all our problems are not unique. For free,
not mend to be a nosy or interfering way of others, we can get people who are willing
to be available. To offer a helping hand to support flow in our lives again. It
still remains a free personal choice whether or not to accept possibilities.
After all; Forever friends, right?
For example. Why keep secret you've lost your job? Many contacts in the
social network are willing to help in a creative way or to find new solutions. Being
available and showing compassion in hard times give expression of faith or
positive energy at a time when you really could use it.
If you feel down, you have a lack of energy to emerge and to keep the
faith in yourself high. Your truth to ideas or solutions is only part of what's
possible to solve things. The missing link, so far, is not available. Other
people, who maybe once had to deal with the same circumstances, have a
different view because the can observe from a distance and are not involved in
the problem themselves. So they do not have to deal with your emotion. This
sometimes makes it much easier to come with things you did not face yet.
You ever heard the quote: ".. Dare to ask."? You can use
social media in your life for good and bad times. Dare to share your life so
you open yourself (instead of hiding) in difficult situations or periods to
others. It is showing a willingness to dare to receive. You connect honestly
with others and take responsibility together for real and as happy as possible
living. There is nothing to hide.
And I hear people think ... and what about you Frans?
I feel very grateful and thankful to be able to live a super fine and
connected life. That absolutely does not say that I only have had happy
experiences. Like many others, I too lost my job, I had to deal with heartbreak
in love, divorce, setbacks in life, threats and attempted kidnapping, and -
still, after six years - repetitive effects of my burnout. Several of those
experiences I shared already in my weekly blogs. Just to grow by sharing
insights. It made and makes me stronger. The best thing in my life might be,
and those people who really know me recognize for sure, is that I always kept
and keep my inner 'jester' alive. A day without laughter is a day wasted.
I have nothing to hide. And if you type my name in google ... you get
quite a few stories about me. Enjoy this "story's" mostly penned by
others about me. I'm the only one who knows my truth and I am happy to live
with them.
Enjoy the constant illusion shows of privacy and happy lives at ‘social’
media. Often laugh and read them with a bit of unbelieve in the belief that the
truth can be just a bit different. And if you are arguing in your relationship
for a short while about… (lots of time nothing) …just take a Selfie of both of
you together. Not to show you are happy but to calm down and be happy ;)
Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight
Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.”
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