One and a half week ago, on a day off, I drove with my motorbike high up into the mountains.
Green, clean air and nicer temperatures this time of the year for me. The final
part of my nearly two hours trip the road was nearly impassable. I ended up in
a small, not known by the tourist-industry, village, parked my bike and walked
around greeting and connecting with the villagers my way. And I got connection.
I decided
to make use of the possibility to join this village life for a short while and
was even offered to be more ‘part of the community’ and dressed to be a - temporary
- member. First it looked fun but after it felt much more comfortable. A great
experience to connect with the basics of living life. Real connection, no
mobile devices, actually this people lived the basic needs of Maslow’s pyramid and
felt happy. For me a peaceful energy without any worries, insecurity and stress.
It’s hard to describe happiness but for me it was.
On my way
back home, passing the centre of the crowdie and full of tourist busy city
Chiang Mai, I felt a total different energy.
It took
me a while after being back home again to think things that happened to me
over. Actually I asked myself the question who is really more happy? What is
real happiness all about?
I think
we are brainwashed to see and feel as a base unhappy and bound to fail. We are
told to invest to find and keep some happiness over and over again. On a daily
base we are dealing, not even aware of the distortion this brings in unhappy
feelings, with how we are programmed. Beliefs and roots put into us by our parents,
ancestors, culture, tradition, religion, society and the ongoing screaming marketing
industry. We do not even face it. Open your eyes!
Those
believes are false. They are not reality or facts. They are only your reality
and facts. Connected for you with fear, guilt, social expectations, ambition, worries
and so forth. They block you from being happy in a sustainable way. The biggest
disturbances to be happy are our ongoing desires, ‘needs’, and maybe even more our
attachments to things and persons. We are always focussing on things we do not
have yet and think this things will make us (more) happy. You are not even
aware you are standing on top of your happiness. Because of this, and you are
not looking down, you do not see.
We are
trained to blame ourselves and never blame the way we are programmed. I think
most people do not even realized because of this how unhappy they actually are.
They discover when it’s too late and are not even able at that time to make a
change.
What
makes you unhappy is not the world around you or the situation you are in but
your thoughts. The whole program arranged for you (not by you) in your head.
This program forces you to always want and get more or to change the situation
you are in to feel happy. If you do not succeed you feel miserable. But it’s an
unrealistic thing to think you can change the world. This is not under your
control. Maybe it’s much easier to change yourself and change your believes.
Be open and curious to discover the same world in a different way a enlarge your truth.
An
attachment isn’t a fact. It is an emotional state of clinging. Believing that
without a specific thing or person(s) you cannot be happy. It is a believe, a
fantasy in your head, acquired by your programming. If the desire is fulfilled it
will bring you a flash of pleasure but also fear (in relation to persons
jealousy) to lose it.
In the
village community there was not so much to attach or to desire. It was all
about family life, a roof above their heads, community support and connection.
Very basic needs. I cannot answer my question if they are more happy than me or
us. In many respects I think they are. The experience was great and it showed me
a wider ‘truth’.
Attachments
can and will not survive, Enjoy things and persons in life. Keep your freedom
to grow and flourish and respect the same in your friendship or relationship. Refuse
the believe that you will not or cannot be happy without them.
Frans Captijn
Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight
Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.”
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