Our ratio (making
choices/decisions out of calculating the relation between things out
of learned facts, does not really exist yet. It has a relation to learning.
We learn ratio.
“Learning is the
act of acquiring new, or modifying and reinforcing, existing knowledge,
behaviours, skills, values, or preferences and may involve synthesizing
different types of information” (Source: Wikipedia).
Soon in life we start to learn and - without even being
aware - are being programmed. Living and learning, so feeling and ratio, the
first couple of years of our existence go together in balance hand in hand.
Sooner and sooner in life, driven by the expectations
of our environment, culture, marketing (I see as cultivating desires), feeling
in relation to living (so emotion) fades away and learning (ratio) takes a huge
flight upwards.
Getting older, and maybe wiser, people discover that
life cannot be calculated at all. They discover a lack of feeling and showing
and freeing their emotion and lots of times they do not know how to deal with
this. Strange to say, they have to learn it. Or maybe better to explain they
have to un-learn the idea that
everything in life can be treated only by ratio. They will find out more and
more that only ratio will not sustainable connect in friendships and deeper
personal relationships.
Management tools help us to understand there is a
‘muscular’ (basic male way of ratio and convincing/debate) and a ‘feminine’ (basic female way of
emotional connecting and dialogue). But in our lives, when we really want honest
and sincere connections, so no fake empathy, management ‘skills’ are not
needed, not even wanted. There need to be a good mix and people have to be
capable to use this mix in their authentic approach to situations.
So called ‘self-help books’ and magazines in relation
to ‘health’, ‘relationship’ and ‘discovering yourself’, more and more give us the
advice to act out of - and to follow - our heart instead of our rational
thoughts. But is this really the best solution? Is this the real truth? What
does it mean to follow your heart? Is it really possible? Is the heart the center
of our emotions?
In a rational way, Mind Science teaches us our organ
called brain, by evolution, is build up out of three brain types. The reptile brain
part (survival instinct), the mammalian/animal brain part (feelings/emotions
and memory formation) and the neocortex/human brain part (language, reasoning, logic and forward planning). And yes I know there is new knowledge as well. But let's take it for a while just to get more understanding.
The brain has two hemispheres. The right side of the
brain deals more with verbal emotional (feeling) matters. The left side more
with rational/logical ones. The inner ongoing battle between our ratio and
emotion is caused by our human brain parts and the ‘fight’ between the two
hemispheres. Ever seen a cat or dog suffering about his past or his future? I
guess they live in connection with the now.
So not our heart but our brain is the general manager
responsible to select a rational approach (choices in relation to our truth
(thé truth most of the time is much more and bigger)) or the emotional
(feeling/intuition/inner wisdom) approach.
Emotions are personal related and can be different for
every person. The positive or negative feeling you get has to do with your pré-
or sub-conscious mind. You learned to get this feelings in relation to known or
unknown circumstances. So, maybe without even knowing, your feelings are
reactions that you choose to have and not emotions that happen to you. During the
first young years of your life and out of life experiences you ‘learned’ them
yourself.
Being an adult or at least being ‘older’ you can ask
yourself the question if this emotions still serve you in the best suitable way
to grow, to connect, to share, to love and to enjoy life.
In personal-, as well as business life we need a balance
in our response out of ratio and emotion. Getting older and having more life
experience we discover living life is an art. We all have the tools inside us
to deal with life. Nobody can calculate life. To live life it is to feel life.
During growing up and building up our career we lost feeling. Getting it back
is only a matter of un-learning.
Be aware of the choices in life that you already made (or out of their best intentions were made for you by your caretakers). So find the source of disturbing emotions and just stop/drop them. And yes, open your heart so you can give and receive inner energy but only change your thoughts.
Change the battle of suffering caused by choices to be made out of ratio or emotion. Make them a playful game of understanding.
Frans Captijn
Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.
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