Your sleepingroom is for sleeping and sex. The restroom to let go, to drop and to rest

A few weeks ago a guest visited me in relation to her already many years suffering from insomnia. She had tried everything and now could not sleep without an increasing dose of sleeping pills any longer. She had become addictive. She wondered if meditation might be something to bring a solution to get rid of her addiction. So far we did not even come during our chat about her problems.

Sleeping pills are fighting or controlling the effect. So does the fire department, my old job. It's much more effective to look for the source. More and more I discover, certainly in relation to my ongoing studying philosophy, that whenever there is an effect, for certain there is a source. If, in firefighting terminology, you turn off the gas (taking away the source, fuel), the effect (fire) does not occur. Simple enough.

In a very short time she discovered and told me a number of sources – some from the past and some still in the present - that are or could be the cause or at least possible had a relation to the insomnia problem.

And this week I want to talk about one of the sources she mentioned. Possibly, no I am sure about that, more people suffer from it. It has to do with your lifestyle, well actually maybe in relation to the question of the guest, with our "How can I fall asleep and stay asleep” style.

In my thirteen months 'burn-out' period, a doctor asked me to describe to him my availability and attainability in my role as director of safety and regional commander of the fire brigade.

Full of pride I told him I was always available. My responsibility I told him.

"The fire brigade is never closed, you know," I said with a smile on my face. I was still used to an alarm receiver and an old fashioned phone and sometimes even a walkie-talkie on my nightstand.

"And you know doctor, it may sound strange to you, but even before the alarm I can hear the soft click that precedes to send the alarm signal. And at once I am fully awake and clear to answer the phone. Sometimes even the people working in the night shift at the control room tell they thought I was waiting for the phone call because I was so clear."

And yes, that was how it was. The doctor looked at my shining face with question marks in his eyes. He asked me if I was proud of the story I told him and if I really understood what I told him. Actually (then) I had no idea. I was used to that, no problem.

During the conversation with the woman this story came up in my mind again. Fool I was. I learned it is totally unhealthy day in, day out having such an alarm receiver on my nightstand, not only because of the energy waves or radiation, during your sleep. The other thing is your mind starts to connect with it. It create a certain alertness hindering you to fall asleep or to sleep deep. It’s an underlying attention during your sleep.

The guest told me in her bedroom, before going to sleep, she watched TV. Sometimes read a book, then took her pills, did her final checks on Facebook and for latest emails on her iPhone and after that put her smartphone on her nightstand. When I asked her about her behavior in the rest-room she told me with a laugh that she could not visit the toilet without her IPhone using her "session" there to check her emails and the social media. What else can you do?

If you only listen to this behavior, this lifestyle, don’t you think it is strange this woman cannot sleep well? At night visit the bathroom and coming back in your sleeping room before trying to fall asleep again checking messages on your iPhone. Possibly, I did not ask her, getting Line or text messages during the whole period you want to offer yourself for sleeping? You, not only, serve yourself day and night a continuous dose of radiation close to yourself but you server yourself as well with an ongoing disturbance of your sleep. Being available for all kind of new incentives during your (needed) period of rest. The need for and addiction to pills to rest is almost assured.

For now, let’s skip to take the step to meditation. You are not ready for that. Change your sickening and disruptive behavior for yourself (but for your neighbor possibly located next to you as well). My wife, I once was married to, could not get used to my always day and night constant accessibility. But I was crazy! And I took my job too serious. Nobody ever asked me to be always, 24-7 year after year available. This doctor was totally right. No you cannot get used to it. It’s disturbance and you accepted it.

A sleeping room is for sleeping and having sex. A restroom, as the Americans call it, to let go, get rid of your natural shit, and to rest. Not for all the (free choice) different disturbances. And it are not only the Americans who do not rest at the restroom. They are less unique than they think they are.

The first step to get rid of your insomnia is to work on the source and prepare yourself for the night. The stop the sleep disturbing sources or switch them off. At least all your digital devices halve an hour before sleeping out of the sleeping room (or in the switch off mode (your wake-up call will function)) till the next morning you have to start up again.

Your last check emails check before your dinner and to create a period of doing nothing before going to sleep. And yes, that can be difficult because doing nothing you connect with yourself. Possibly in that case you can think about meditation to calm your mind down.

Usually in Thai temples, next to the main Buddha statue, on one side you see gold on the other side silver. That has a meaning.

Gold is associated with the sun, the day and action. Silver is associated with the moon, the night and rest. In order to be and remain healthy, there should be a good balance between action and rest, without any disruption.

And this resting here is called 'recharging' and if you do you will get building up inner wisdom in return. You do not have to do anything else. No study (that’s building up knowledge) needed. Going on in your daily life with being available and accessible to every impulse, through Line or whatever, disrupt this necessary pattern and does not only make you less productive. The quality of your work (and engagement) will be less. You start to worry more (because you do not guard your mind but only create more and more chaos) and you start to make more and more mistakes. You are much faster irritated. You get less energy for the new day and… you suffer more and more of insomnia. Toxifying your health. Learn from nature, the seasons. Longer nights in winter? A quest and offer to sleep longer.

Isn’t is strange that people usually absolutely do not forget their Smartphones to recharge on time, but forget to do that themselves?

In The Netherlands we have the slogan: "Alcohol destroys more than you want." In my opinion, we can introduce and add a new slogan in relation to the new addiction which causes many people to suffer from insomnia: "A Smartphone destroys more than you want."

Unfortunately, I already have some experiences with it ...

And again; "Disconnect to connect" Give yourself and your relationship right attention and good (night) rest ...

Sleep well!

Frans Captijn

Host / Catalyst / Talenteer at Captijn Insight

Captijn Insight: “Catalyst in your process to new sustainable flow in life and work. Whether you are an individual, couple, team or an organization.” 

www.captijninsight.com

captijninsight@gmail.com