Problems and even suffering in relationships. The need for freedom in bond.

In one of his presentations the Australian engaged speaker without arms and legs Nick Vujicic expresses:  “And then you see all of these teenagers and college people who are single and they are like: “O, I just cannot wait to get married.” And their goal is to get married and many times after a while it worked out it was not all that they thought. They think, “oh my life’s gonna get easier when I get married.” But, Nu-uh.” If you ain’t happy single, you ain’t gonna be happy married.”

Last week I had a couple of conversations about relationships. Not finding the right match. Not really being happy in the relationship. Not knowing how to go on.

People are willing to suffer a lot instead of feeling and being happy in, with or getting a relationship.

January 27^th 2017 I already wrote a blog about ‘A relationship does not makeyou happier’. Main thing in that blog was the statement of Nick Vujicic first of all to work on being and staying happy yourself. You are the one that lives 24 hours a day with yourself…

People are willing to change themselves (at least they think they can) to ‘fit’ in a relationship. The feeling of loneliness or not being lonely (instead of the feeling of being alone (all-one)) is pushing people forward to suffer in change to fit in the ‘perfect’ match. Wonderful selfies to show their outside happiness together. Often as two lonely people who temporary found a way not to feel lonely anymore.

What is, was or gets wrong?

I ask myself the question why I should change myself to fit in a relationship. In two of my conversations this week I spoke to people who ‘lost’ themselves in their change to save their relationship. If you already cannot be yourself in a love relationship (anymore)… how can you ever feel happy and free in this relationship? Starting a relationship is not a future commitment to, most of the time together, be in a kind of prisoncell.

It is just a matter two puzzle pieces do not fit in the right way. And if you are honest with yourself you know, now, it never did fit in the right way. You forced yourself into it. 

If you lost or are losing your freedom in bond you start to force yourself. Actually dripping, filling, yourself more and more with unhappiness feelings. And this proces does not only effects yourself but also your partner, family, friends and surroundings.

Freedom in bond? Yes. That’s not telling you to be single again. Stay true and honest in your relationship but be and stay yourself and do what you want to do both responsible for your relationship. So yes, that needs conversation and understanding. Freedom in bond has to do with supporting the love and happiness for and in yourself. With things you like. Out of this overflowing happiness you can share with your partner and grow in your loving relationship together.

A matter of trust and trust can only be 100 % or zero. There is nothing in between…


Gangey Gruma (Frans Captijn)

Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.

captijninsight@gmail.com