I have experienced very nice examples and results here and I have also gained an experience in my own life.
In most cases, a relationship develops spontaneously. It is a choice of two people to go through life together. Until death do part us or as long as love unites us and stimulates mutual growth? I wrote about it once in April 2017.
And indeed, a relationship deserves constant attention to keep the fire in it alive. And in the beginning that is a natural and spontaneous process without any real effort. It feels like it is going by itself. Not hard working. It gives energy because at that moment there is the right chemistry. It is a joint spontaneous way of life.
That fire can, quite normally, diminish at some point. Not crazy in a world around us of work and information that absorbs a lot of attention and energy. The attention for your relationship step by step can get less attention.
During a relationship therapy that I once received during the period of our marriage, the idea was suggested to plan time in my full agenda for each other and even to make love. A pretty rational idea. The spontaneity was completely gone. So, it didn't work for me. We had lost the attention for our relationship and each other. Partly because of my always and for everyone availability related to my profession.
Rational issues such as the (un) happiness of your children (by the way for me always a question mark) and all the trouble that comes with a divorce make you search for solutions. In fact, searching in this way is already a wrong start. Basics, in my view, should be your own personal happiness and I don't mean that selfish. From there you can share.
The starting point for working on your relationship again must be the spontaneous rediscovery of each other. And that is the emotional and often the spiritual side of it. Meeting each other again and deeper. Experience the new dimension of intimacy and experience natural and spontaneous flow in your relationship again.
Something we once offered here as a playful treasure hunt and expedition for couples. No therapy. These were voyages of discovery in yourself, your partner and in a new stronger intimacy in the relationship. It was fantastic for me to see how individuals and couples started to blossom again.
A relationship is, without any disturbances, spontaneously spending time on and and giving attention to each other only, because you still feel invited to it and it makes you and the other person happy. It is investing in each other. That is different from hard working.
Hard working does not work. There still needs to be enough chemistry. When that is gone,
that hard work is only a sham. You still want to show your partner and the
outside world that you want to go for it while you have long known that it is
over for you and you are afraid to say it.
Captijn Insight. Catalyst in developing tranquility & in-sight to get in a sustainable way real connection, purpose, pleasure and flow in life, love, family, business, career and work again.
No comments:
Post a Comment